Dating Tips For Guys
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We asked men to spill on the advice they wish women knew about getting to know a new guy.
"Please don't assume we're going to the nicest restaurant in the city because I won't take you there. I'll take you to a dive bar with amazing burgers to see how you react. If you're flowing with it and cool, we've got a winner. If you seem offended by it, that's as far as we go."
—Steve M.
"Girls should try to avoid pre-judging before a first date. Whether it's someone you're meeting online or it's someone your friends know, aim to drop the things you know about them and start fresh. Don't ask your friends to tell you everything they can because you can end up with a tainted view of what to expect. Half the fun of going out is getting to know someone new, so allow yourself to let that happen organically." —Oliver B.
"Please don't compare us to your exes—out loud or even in your head. Sometimes horror stories about them can make for fun discussion, but don't ever bring your ex into the conversation if it's not called for. When I hear about a girl's man, I'm assuming we probably shouldn't be on that date period. If she literally can't keep his name out of her mouth for a couple of hours, it makes me feel like she's clearly not over past issues. I don't want to pick up a saved video game: I'm here to start new."
—Orlando O.
It Pays to Pay (Or at Least Attempt To)
"I always appreciate the offer to split the check, even though I never allow it. If we end up grabbing drinks later and a woman insists on paying, I really like that a lot. It shows me that she's genuinely interested in spending time with me as opposed to wanting to be wined and dined regardless of who she's with." —Nate N.
But Don't Recoil If He Doesn't Reach for the Bill…
"If the guy doesn't say something and take the check off the table to pay, it's probably fair to assume that you're going Dutch. There are different reasons that a guy might not pick up the tab (some that might not have anything to do with you), but if you're into him, avoid looking too disappointed. You don't want him to think you expected it." —Josh F.
"The food you choose on dates says volumes about your character. Dainty foods (read: salads) seem to have a low correlation to fun and enjoyment. First few dates, make the food good, simple and completely forgettable so you can focus on each other." —Max S.
"I like a girl to be confident going into a date, even if it's the first one. The normal guy-girl interactions on initial outings usually fall somewhere between awkward and really awkward (which is understandable, especially if it's a blind date), so having a girl go the opposite route not only makes her more intriguing—it's also a total turn-on."
—Alex S.
"Say what you mean. Girls have this tendency of expecting guys to read between the lines, then ending up disappointed. If you want something, be specific and avoid causing yourself unnecessary stress. We're usually pretty open to new ideas." —Adrian B.
"Please don't critique or be too harsh about someone's sexual performance the first time you hook up with him. Things are new and you aren't familiar with what the other likes yet. Until you've had time to communicate about that stuff, it's impossible to weigh them against your former boyfriend of three years." —Greg B.
"First dates are best kept quick and noncommittal for both parties—unless you've known each other for a while. If I meet a girl and get her number, the first time we go out shouldn't be a three-hour opera and dinner afterwards. What if we end up not liking each other? Then we're just stuck and that's rude. Opt for something that gives you both an easy out, like lunch or a drink. If you guys have a great time, you're both left wanting more."
—Greg G.
"If a girl and I end up hooking up quickly, it doesn't necessarily mean I've written her off. All she needs to do to maintain my interest is…be awesome. Be interesting and interested in me. Plan cool events. For example, 'Hey, I've got an extra ticket to this show tonight. Want to go?' Go out and do things I'd want to do, and then invite me. Chances are I'll probably join you. Be willing to embrace the things men love."
—Sam M.
"I get frustrated when I feel like I'm constantly the one driving the conversation—it happens to me a lot and it feels a little unfair. It's hard to get the sense that I'm getting to know someone when I'm tasked with doing all the talking. On the flip side though, it's a rough night when a girl goes on about herself at length without asking me anything about myself. I like it best when someone can counter me with questions of their own." —Noah A.
"Don't hate on other girls. I actually had one girl, while we were in the middle of a conversation, look over at another girl and say, 'Eww, look at that girl's dress.' The way she said it sounded so bitchy and I wasn't into it at all. Cattiness isn't an attractive quality." —Nick L.
The guy will almost always hold the door open, pay for dinner, etc., but it's still nice to hear a thank you and know that it's all appreciated. It really goes a long way. I've almost come to stop expecting them so it's especially nice when I hear them. If it doesn't happen in the beginning, he'll think it'll never happen." —Tyler L.
"It can take the edge off to meet with a group of friends. Invite your guy and his crew to hang in a big group. That way you can get a feel for what he's normally like around his buddies and it'll let you both relax a bit more. You can tell a lot about someone by who they surround themselves with." —Corey O.
"I like when a girl gets physical with me, but not in the sexual sense. It's more in an affectionate way. I love when she'll touch my arms or something like that as we're talking. It lets me know she's interested without being over the top and shows me we're both there for the same reason. We like each other and it's clear."
—Stephen S.
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8 Online Dating Tips For Guys Who Actually Want To Score A Date
No matter how you slice it, online dating is daunting. With an overwhelming number of digital dating platforms and an endless stream of prospective partners, how will you ever stand out?
The Huffington Post caught up with Ryan Jakovljevic, an award-winning relationship expert and couples therapist, to learn the do’s and don’ts of online dating — suited for the average straight man. So keep these tips and tricks in mind next time you find yourself swiping away.
Before diving into the online dating sea, Jakovljevic says you should be aware of what type of relationship you’re after. Whether it’s a no-strings-attached rendezvous, casual dating or a serious relationship, pick one and create your profile with that in mind.
For casual hook ups, Jakovljevic recommends Tinder for straight guys (or Grindr for gay guys). If you’re in search of a serious partner, Jakovljevic suggests eHarmony or Match.com since paid sites tend to filter out the not-so-serious people.
2. Put yourself in the shoes of a potential match.
To take your online dating game to the next level, try putting yourself in your prospective partner’s shoes. For example, to gain insight into a woman’s perspective, Jakovljevic suggests creating a female profile for a day and observing how men talk to you.
“Most women are getting dozens of messages, only a few of which stand out. It can be a real eye-opener,” says Jakovljevic.
The number one mistake guys make is writing about their traits rather than demonstrating their traits, Jakovljevic says. There’s a difference between saying “I’m a really funny guy,” and sharing a hilarious story on your profile.
“If someone tells you they’re really cool, one thing you can be sure if is, they aren’t,” he advises.
Think about what you want to communicate, and show that instead of flat out saying it. It’s also helpful to ask yourself, “What kind of introduction would I want to keep on reading?”
Steer clear of eliminating prospective dates, e.g. “must be down for a good time” or “have to be adventurous before swiping right.” The last thing you want is to come off as critical or bossy. Keep it positive.
4. The best type of profile picture may not be what you think.
You may be surprised, but the worst picture you can post if you want women to respond is one of you smiling and looking at the camera, according to Jakovljevic. The best performing photos show a guy looking away from the camera, and not smiling.
“Women love to see a man’s sense of focus and intensity. Imagine a shot of you in action playing pool, focusing on making a shot,” he says.
For optimal results, add a photo of you in a social setting and another showing you doing something interesting. The key for the latter is to spark curiosity and create topics of conversation. Good photos, for instance, will show you backstage with a band or in a remote area less traveled-to. You want your prospective match to wonder, “How did he pull that off?” or “What was he doing there?”
Ditch the generic “hey, what’s up?” and opt for sending a personalized message. Putting thought into your initial greeting shows you’re interested and that you’ve taken time to read through her profile.
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According to a study by dating site OKCupid, messages that include the phrase “you mention” along with an interest listed in her profile, or messages that suggest you have a common interest, have a much higher chance of getting a response.
6. Converse as you would in real life — in complete words, in good taste.
When exchanging messages, it’s important to avoid text speak and physical compliments, Jakovljevic says. Poor grammar and incorrect spelling are also a huge turn-off and make an awful first impression.
So while you may think phrases like “ur hot” and “omg so sexy” flatter the receiver, Jakovljevic says women read these types of messages all the time. If you want to stand out, get more creative and address their interests over their looks.
And while this may be obvious, it’s worth repeating: Do not go straight for the “nudes?” message, and for the most part, refrain from asking for sex at the initial stage. It’s one of the worst ways to start a conversation, Jakovljevic says.
If you’re feeling a connection, Jakovljevic recommends making a concrete plan to meet up. Don’t just ask for her digits as a next step. Why move potentially awkward conversation from one platform to another? Getting to the point and meeting up to see how you jive IRL is much better than waiting for the nerve-wracking iMessage ellipsis.
Online dating is a different experience for everyone, but there’s one rule Jakovljevic encourages his clients to follow: Don’t play games. No one wins.
“If you don’t like someone, be mature enough to tell them you aren’t interested. If you’re interested, don’t try to be unavailable or hard to get,” he says. “If you’re honest and straight up and it doesn’t work, that’s okay — you’re filtering out people who don’t fit what you’re looking for.”
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Dating Tips For Guys
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