Dating Terminology

Dating Terminology

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The Internet Dating Slang Terms You Need to Know

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Internet Dating Slang Terms You Need to Know in 2021

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Though we're still meeting in bars and going to see movies together, dating today would be largely unrecognizable to people 10 years ago; changes in how we find our dates , how we treat them and how we describe ourselves to them have radically altered the dating landscape.
To many, modern dating can seem like a minefield of technical jargon; the phrase "My poly pansexual situationship ghosted me so I'm breadcrumbing this snack I had a half-night stand with last year, will you be my emergency call if he wants to Netflix & chill?" will be clear as day to some and unintelligible to others.
If you find yourself in the latter category, this gigantic glossary of 61 dating terms is for you.
Aromanticism is pretty rare, but it is real: A certain portion of the population does not experience the feelings of romantic love that seem to come naturally for so many of us. While that might seem like either a blessing or a curse, depending on your take on love, perhaps the most significant hurdle for aromantic people is simply feeling left out and misunderstood by a culture for whom dating, love and marriage are not only the norm, but the de facto expectation for all.
Etymology: The "a-" prefix roughly translates to "without;" "romantic," here, means capable of having feelings of romantic love
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't... fall in love." "You're not broken — maybe you're just aromantic!"
Being asexual doesn't specify whom you're attracted to, unlike other terms on this list. It specifies you don't experience sexual attraction. But this doesn't mean you can't have sex — only that you don't feel the need in the same way. Dating an ace person? Expect to check in regularly with them re: their desires and boundaries — just as you would when dating anybody else.
Etymology: Knowing that "a-" means "without," I'm sure I don't need to tell you what "sexual" means.
"Patrick, are you dating Scott? I thought he was asexual, not gay." "Scott's asexual and likes boys! It ain't mutually exclusive."
Benching is when you're not into someone enough to commit to officially dating them, but you don't want them to move on and find someone else either, so you string them along juuuust enough to keep them waiting on the sidelines for you.
Etymology: You know when you're on a sports team but not actually playing, just waiting on the bench until the coach needs you? Yeah, it's the dating version of that.
"Rachel only ever seems to text me after I've given up on hearing from her. She's definitely benching me."
Big dick energy, or BDE, is something only a small amount of people possess. It’s the quality of having supreme confidence without needing to be loud or controlling, a quiet understanding of who you are and what you bring to the table that doesn’t require backtalk, bragging, or B.S. In short, someone with big dick energy is incredibly hot, and more guys should try to emulate that. The truth is, you can have BDE no matter what your penis size is as long as you’re comfortable with who you are.
Etymology: The phrase was coined by Twitter user @imbobswaget in a tweet mourning the June 2018 death of TV personality and chef Anthony Bourdain. It implies that a person (or thing) exudes the confidence that must come with having a large penis — and Bourdain's kindness, charm and humble swagger were just that.
“Damn, look at that guy over there. He’s totally exuding big dick energy.”
Bisexual persons are attracted to two genders. In the nineties, we'd have said "bisexual persons are into men and women", but we know a little more about sex and gender than we used to. Swinging both ways, flexible, cross-platform compatible, or rooting for both teams, a bisexual person can enjoy sex with or fall in love with the same gender as themselves, or a different gender from themselves. Bi people might prefer dating one gender and sleeping with another, but we still call 'em bi.
Etymology: A bisexual person is like a bicycle; both share the prefix bi, which means two.
"Mike, why do you call yourself bisexual? You've only ever dated women." "That's true, but I just haven't met a guy I wanted to call my boyfriend yet."
Breadcrumbing is when you send flirty but non-committal messages to a person when you're not really interested in dating them but don't have the guts to break things off with them completely. The breadcrumbee is strung along for the sake of sparing the breadcrumber a confrontation.
Etymology: Think of the phenomenon of getting a small creature to follow you by laying a trail of breadcrumbs here, and you've got the right idea.
"Renée replies to every second or third message I send her but never wants to meet IRL. I think she's breadcrumbing me."
Pronunciation: KAZH-oo-ull ruh-LAY-shun-ship
Somewhere in between f*ckbuddies and going steady is the casual relationship , in which two people typically hang out regularly and have sex but don't partake in the hallmarks of a serious relationship, like exclusivity, ongoing commitment and spending time with each other's friends and family.
Etymology: This one's pretty straightforward in meaning: it's a romantic relationship that's not too serious or committed.
"I have a friends with benefits type thing going on with Emily, you know? It's a casual relationship."
Catfishing is one of those dating terms that has legitimately made its way into the mainstream, thanks to the TV show and movie of the same name. Messaging with someone who's pretending to be someone else? You're being catfished! These setups tend to end badly. But until then, move your conversation with your crush to the phone/IRL/video chat of some sort as soon as you can muster. If they're resistant, they might be catfishing you .
Etymology: The term gained popularity after the release of the 2010 documentary on the then-burgeoning phenomenon, Catfish , but the real reason for the name is harder to come by.
"She always has a different excuse not to meet up with me." "Sounds you're being catfished..."
Cisgender is a term for people who aren't transgender, or whose assigned gender lines up with their actual gender. But isn't that 'normal', you might ask? Actually, it isn't, it's just more common: variations in sex and sexuality are perfectly normal and occur frequently in nature (gender is a little more complicated, as we don't have a theory of mind that encompasses gender for nonhuman animals). While cisgender persons may outnumber transgender persons, it isn't a default setting; it's one of many.
Etymology: From cis-, meaning literally 'on this side of' in mathematics and organic chemistry.
"So what's the opposite of trans, then? Normal?" "Well, no, it's not that simple. But the term you're looking for is 'cis'."
Cuffing season is the period between early fall and late winter when everyone starts to shack up with the nearest half-decent single person to ward off loneliness and cold during the cooler months. Cuffing season typically implied a short term, mutually beneficial arrangement that's strictly seasonal, and it ends as soon as the leaves start turning green again. The term is African American Vernacular English (AAVE) and has been around at least since the early 2010s.
Etymology: Cuffing, as in "handcuffing", because you're chaining yourself to someone else — at least until winter's over.
"Starbucks just brought back the pumpkin spice latte, it must be cuffing season!"
Getting curved is being rejected, shot down, turned aside, said no to, dissed and dismissed. Yes, it sucks. When you get curved you need to take a moment to properly absorb all of the "no" that just hit you. But there's also something beautiful to a well-done curve; it's a memento to a failure, big and small, that you can carry around with you and use to prop up or tear down narratives about your dateability.
Etymology: A curve is often subtler than a flat-out no (think: Your text gets "Seen" but not responded to), so even if it hurts the same, it carries a name that implies a redirection rather than an outright rejection.
"I tried to ask out this babe at the bar last night and she curved me harder than I've ever been curved in my life."
As above, cushioning is the process of staying in contact with one or more romantic prospects as a backup in case things don't go smoothly with your main squeeze. The "cushions" are usually kept on the periphery, eg. texting rather than full blown cheating.
Etymology: Cushioning, as in, keeping a person or several people around to "cushion" the blow if your main relationship doesn't work out.
"I do really like Priya, but I'm still texting Sian just in case. Yeah, I guess I'm cushioning."
Over the past few years, daddy culture has risen to become pretty mainstream. These days, it’s normal for teens and assorted millennials to use the word “daddy” in either a sexual or sex-adjacent context. You might call your partner daddy in bed, or you might acknowledge a hot older man’s “daddy vibes” because of his muscles, body hair, facial hair, and personal wealth. Either way, yes, it’s low-key incestuous, but the people have spoken.
Etymology: From the word “daddy,” meaning father.
“She keeps on texting me, ‘choke me daddy.’ What the hell does that mean?”
Pronunciation: DEH-mee-SEK-shoo-ULL
A demisexual is a person whose sex drive is tied not to an immediate visual or physical attraction but to people's personalities once they've gotten to know them. As a result, demisexuals are poor candidates for one-night stands and casual relationships — which may make them feel a bit alienated in our current dating climate. But they're no more or less capable of deep, loving relationships as the rest of us, so if you're prepared to take things slow sexually, demisexuals can make for great partners, too.
Etymology: Demi means half, or part — positioning demisexuals between asexuals and people who do typically experience sexual desire.
"At first I thought I was asexual, but then I realized I can have sexual desire for people... just not until I really know them!" "Sounds like you might be demisexual."
A DM slide is when you direct message your crush using the private messaging functions available on all of the major social media networks, eg. Twitter and Instagram. You usually need to be mutuals first — ie. follow each other — to avoid your message ending up in an "other" folder, and DM sliding tends to occur after some public interaction, eg. liking each other's pics or @ replying.
Etymology: DM stands for "direct messages", and "sliding" is the process of entering someone's direct messages to flirt with them.
"Brandy just posted a selfie and she's looking hot AF! I'm about to slide in the DMs."
Pronunciation: dee-tee-ARE con-ver-SAY-shun
A DTR conversation is a pivotal moment in a relationship: It's the moment you discuss what you are. Are you a for-real couple, or just friends with benefits, or a situationship? Timing is huge, here. Have your DTR too early and you risk scaring the other person away; too late and you might discover they've been casually dating around the whole time, assuming it wasn't serious.
Etymology: There's no great mystery here — DTR simply stands for "define the relationship."
"It's been six months and I just don't know what we are yet?" "Well have you had a DTR convo with him?
There are other sex emojis — the peach (a luscious butt) and the water drops (either wetness or ejaculate, depending on your tastes), notably — but the eggplant emoji is doubtless the most suggestive. Why? Well, peach and water drops are actually used in other contexts. But when was the last time you needed to use a damn eggplant emoji to signify eggplant?
Etymology: People just noticed that the eggplant emoji was phallic-looking. The rest is history.
"Wow, did you see that bulge? Man, I'd love to see his eggplant emoji, if you know what I mean."
An emergency call is a fakeout that allows you to politely get out of a particularly bad date. If you can tell the night's going to be a trainwreck from the earliest moments (and you often can) but you're genuinely afraid of insulting the stranger you're sitting across from, a fake emergency call from a friend saying "Your brother's in the hospital" or "Your cat just died" early on in the evening can be a real lifesaver.
"Oh, God, thanks for agreeing to be my emergency call last night. What a nightmare date that was."
This is the dating version of the one-way fire door — on rare occasions, someone will come out of their shell to contact you, but won't respond if you attempt to get in touch. It's a setup that only works in deeply unequal situations — if you're getting firedoored, you're constantly feeling frustrated and only occasionally satisfied. If this is happening to you, get out and close the door behind you. There are tons of people out there who won't do this to you!
Etymology: A fire door is a one-way door — it allows you to exit (on rare occasions) but never allows anyone to enter.
"She never responds to my messages, but texts me 'u up' at 1 a.m.? What's the deal?" "Sounds like you're getting firedoored, bud."
Just as cooler temperatures bring out cuffing season and associated coupling up, warmer temperatures change people’s dating behaviors. If someone only seems interested in you during the warmer months, it might be a case of freckling . Maybe they got out of a relationship of sorts during the spring and now that it’s summertime, you’re on their hookup roster. Unfortunately, they’re not looking for anything serious or permanent — just like freckles, they’ll disappear come fall.
Etymology: From “freckles,” small patches of facial skin that darken during the summer for some people with pale skin.
"It’s been three weeks since school started and I haven’t heard anything … I think she was just freckling me."
Pronunciation: FRENDS with BEN-eh-fits
Friends with benefits is the relatively classy way of saying you know someone and care about them and are regularly engaging in sexual acts with them, but not within the context of a relationship. It implies a certain looseness of arrangement. You probably don't see each other as often as a real couple; don't tell each other all the details of your lives; don't put each other down on emergency contact forms (or mention each other on social media profiles). That doesn't mean you're cold, unfeeling robots; it just means a relationship isn't exactly what you want.
"So what are we? Is this a relationship? Or are we just friends?" "I think we're friends... with benefits."
Isn't that... basically friends with benefits? Yes, arguably, they're pretty similar. At the same time, though, the use of the F-word in one of the terms (compared to the very euphemistic "benefits" denotes a very different sexual ethos. One is classy, old world, and stuffy; the other is crass, lewd and very present. So, arguably, one is for the type of people who are ashamed of such a sexual arrangement, and one is for people who aren't. Or maybe how you describe your setup depends more on who's asking. Whatever works!
Etymology: F*ck means sex... buddies means friends... should be pretty straightforward.
"I met this great girl. We've been seeing each other a lot... just for sex, though, no dates. We're f*ckbuddies."
This term is one of the more flexible on the list, but, generally speaking, someone who identifies as gay is exclusively attracted to, or exclusively dates, or exclusively has sex with, people who are the same gender as themselves — but it's a term that's been reclaimed by many across the spectrum of sexuality — so if you see a queer woman proclaim she's gay despite dating men too, it's not necessarily the contradiction you think it is.
"Carol, would you like to grab coffee with me this weekend?" "Sure, Jim, but as friends. You do know I'm gay, right?"
Can be applied to people who feel outside the gender binary, or it can be applied to persons who feel that their gender isn't fixed, but variable — changing from day to day. Unlike nonbinary persons, a genderfluid person might identify as male and female, on different days, whereas a nonbinary person will usually identify as neither male nor female. Someone's gender identity has nothing to do with whom they're attracted to, or what they look like on the outside, or what physical sex they were born as. Gender is a mental conception of the self, so a genderfluid person can present as any gender or appearance, based on how that term feels for them.
Etymology: Gender, as in, your gender. Fluid, as in flowing, non-stable, movable, changeable.
"Hey, could you ask Scout if I could have her number? I need to ask her about this chem assignment." "Hey, buddy, I'll definitely ask for you, but you should know that Scout's not a 'she'— they're genderfluid."
Ghosting is when you disappear out of someone's life because you're no longer interested in them, instead of telling them directly. It's more abrupt than breadcrumbing: the ghoster will suddenly stop replying to texts and won't answer calls, and the ghostee is usually left hurt and confused.
Etymology: You know the disappearing act ghosts are known for? That, but it's your crush instead of a poltergeist.
"I'm not really feeling Melissa anymore, but she's really into me. I think I'm just gonna ghost her."
The traditional one-night stand involves meeting a sexually-attractive stranger and taking them home for a night of unattached sex: they leave in the morning and you don't see them again. Well, the half-night stand cuts out the staying over part: the late night guest leaves straight after the sex is over.
Etymology: A half-night stand is 50 per cent of a one-night stand — get it?
"Joe was lazy in bed and wouldn't give me head, so I got out of there as soon as he fell asleep. I guess I've
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