Dating My First Big Girl

Dating My First Big Girl




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By Ameya Nagarajan June 29th, 2015



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People are always shocked when they find out how much I weigh. Of course, like a good fat woman, I don’t wander around advertising it, but there are times — especially with guys who are trying to prove how okay they are with my size and how manly they are — when I need to pull out that number and wave it about (let me tell you that it has three digits). This is because they will try to lift me, and I’m not exactly psyched about driving someone to the emergency room because they’ve thrown their back out.
I suppose I’m lucky that my genetics have distributed my weight to give me a shape, and a nice one at that. I’m also lucky that I lived outside India for a while (New York City, to be precise), and while there, I learnt that it is possible for fat women to wear stylish clothes that flatter and fit us, instead of the flappy, shapeless numbers we’re all consigned to in India. Of course, back here, all this does is make me stand out. More than I already do as an opinionated, independent woman. This goes really well with that fat girl personality, by the way: belly laughs and self-deprecation, loud voice and expansive irreverence.
The whole package, however — cellulite, personality and opinions all put together — sometimes feels man-repellent. I’m 32, and have been single most of my adult life. I have had one relationship, for about 18 months, and dated one guy semi-seriously, for about three weeks. Don’t get me wrong; I have wanted many men. I spent five years pining after a series of nice guys who were my friends and then turned not so nice when they realised I wanted more. “You’re only attractive when I’m drunk,” one of them kindly explained to me. It was only when I lived in NYC and suddenly became attractive to men that I began to think about how we see large women in India.
A fat girl in India can be dated in one of two ways: the fetish or the dirty secret.
“I love BBW,” they confide earnestly, maybe holding your hand or looking into your eyes. “That’s nice,” you respond, wondering how it’s okay to talk about sexual preferences this early on. If you, like me, choose instead to tell them that it is not exactly appropriate, the response will likely be injured self-righteousness: “Arre! I’m just saying I like women like you; not these skinny chicks like sticks, man. It’s a compliment!” “You’re right,” I respond. “I really should be deeply grateful to you for fetishising my body in the opposite way from how women’s bodies are usually fetishised. I mean, it’s not like I have a personality or anything that you might want to engage with.”
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