Dating Ex Wife After Divorce

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In the morning, I’ll fumble out of the bedroom and try to catch a glimpse of her putting on her makeup in the bathroom, the crackle and hiss of the baby monitor the only real sound in her whole damn house. I try to be sly about it but I know my slyness has worn away over time. Plus, f*ck it. What do I have to lose now?
I met Monica one sweaty August night more than a decade ago and married her like a freight train six weeks later. She was a western girl, born into the madness of a land called Utah.
We were like a goddamn magnificent cowboy movie from the start.
There wasn’t all that much thought involved the wedding. We didn’t sit around her mama’s kitchen table looking at catalogs of wedding gowns or catering menus or any of that sh*t. We spotted each other as the sun went down on a crazy desert town and we started firing at each other right away.
Close to the bone, that’s how I like my love affairs.

I know that now, because I was lucky enough to live through, to survive, our marriage — and divorce 10 years later — to come riding back up over the mesa of our years together with one badass sunset sinking down behind me. Most people spend their lifetimes in the back lots of their imagination wishing away what they have for something bigger to come along and sweep them away.
Most people simply dream of falling in love hard and fast and for real. But most people never even get a taste of it.
I’m not saying they don’t fall in love for real, that would be a stupid thing to say. I’d say I’m way more of a dreamer than a thinker, but even so: I never ever dreamed I could fall in love quite the way that Monica and I did. We found each other in a hail of bullets and arrows and we never once thought twice about jumping off that Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid cliff together.
Fact is, we were probably always the kind of people just looking for the damn cliff; we just needed a partner to take the leap alongside us.

Now, three kids and a divorce later — and with so much anger/laughter/sadness/joy/trash talk/dirty talk/Friday night couch pizza/HBO binge-watching/dog love/dog loss/money trouble/personality-crushing/soul-sucking/daily heart reincarnating/Sunday sunshine/bring me a beer-ness — behind us, I find myself watching her getting ready for work in the morning and I whisper to myself, “Dude. That’s your girlfriend. She’s a f*ckin’ hoot, too. Lucky bastard you are, bro.”
And it means more to me than anything I can tell you.
For me it’s purely gravitational, this natural pull to be with my ex-wife. I believe it took us killing something ‘legal and official’ in order to be able to stumble upon this reincarnated version of ourselves, of our thing together.
Love — or even the possibility of love — is fickle. And even when we were divorcing, I never wanted to be apart from her. She means too much to me. We click. And we’ve learned a lot about the art of staying clicked when the sh*t hits the fans.
These days, we keep two separate homes, two different economies, and we specialize in our three kids.

We’ve carved out a more satisfying scenario for ourselves this time around; in so many ways, we’re dating the person we lost long ago in the muddled confusion of a failed marriage. That’s pretty cool … and pretty damn rare.
Listen, all of this is like a supernova blowing up in my face and I dig it. I dig it because I don’t even have a sliver of the intelligence or the sage-like qualities that it would take for me to comprehend why my heart wants what it wants when the only thing it ever seems to want is the same thing that the signed divorce documents show that I didn’t really want anymore.
But divorce be damned, to hell with the formalities.
We are two cliff-jumping sons-of-bitches. And listen to me: there is real magic buried deep down inside the electrifying awkwardness that slams into us whenever we roll down the road in my Honda, some Radiohead CD going off, our kids rubbing snot into the seats like Roman blood into the ruins of something wonderful and real that will take time to appreciate.
Monica rolls her fingers up on mine and I look over at her and she holds back the teenager smile that she always holds back and I’m good, dude.
I could date a bunch of women, for the rest of my days, but I don’t suppose I’d ever wander back onto the set of a Western quite like this one.

Even when we tried to quit it, we couldn’t quit it. Even when we tried to roll the credits, the credits refused to roll. Look, no one in their right minds would ever give us a fighting chance at this point. But that’s why they ain’t us. Me and Monica, we’ll be fine. We were fine, we got un-fine, we found the fine again. True love, she rolls that way. I have to believe that; I do believe that.
While the rest of the world dreams up another love story, we’ll be sitting there up on a rocky crop watching another payroll train all splayed out across another sunset valley.
There will be awkward silence for a sec and then we’ll find our way.
“Let’s rob it, yo,” my girlfriend will say as the rough warm wind kicks up hard across her pretty little knees. And I’ll just toss my cigarette like a badass and it’ll land on the back of a six-foot curled-up rattlesnake sleeping by a cactus. Then I’ll kind of say what needs to be said, what we’ve been saying all along, really.
“Oh yeah, baby,” I’ll tell her. “Let’s go rob us a train.”
These words are for the one looking for hope; for the one questioning whether they’ll ever truly be okay. These words are for us all.
Beyond Worthy, by Jacqueline Whitney
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by: Natalie Maximets | Updated Jul 21, 2021
Natalie Maximets is a certified life transformation coach with expertise in mindfulness and sustainability. She is a published author focused on the most progressive solutions in the field of Psychology. Natalie helps people go through fundamental life challenges, such as divorce, and build an entirely new life by reframing their personal narrative.
Are you thinking about dating your ex-husband after divorce? Or do you already find yourself in a relationship with the person you split up with? Naturally, you might be puzzled because your marriage didn't work and yet you are suddenly attracted to each other as though you’ve just met.
If you are thinking “What the heck am I doing?” and have serious doubts about whether you should carry on dating your former spouse, consult these guidelines. This situation obviously has both pros and cons. However, please keep in mind that you’ll have to pay double attention to restoring this relationship to make it work.
It is indeed possible to have a total reboot and start over again with your ex. However, you need a completely new approach to mend fences and fix the things that led you to divorce the last time.
Numerous couples realize that they might have made a mistake. They break up and then make up, so you're not alone. The good news is, you can use their experience not to repeat common blunders many people make when they try to make peace after divorce. Did you know, by the way, that a lot of celebrities make attempts to get back with their ex? For some, it turns out to be a nightmare but for others, it was a new lease on life.
Famous rapper Eminem not only writes passionate lyrics, but also has a complex personal life, full of romantic peaks and valleys. Eminem and his wife Kim had a long history of marriages and divorces.
Elizabeth Taylor, a well-known movie star, also hopped on and off her marital relationship with Richard Burton. The couple married in 1964, divorced ten years later, then proceeded down the matrimonial path in 1975 and divorced again a year after.
Pink, an acclaimed singer, middle-aisled it with Carey Hart in 2006. Two years later, however, the couple split up, but it was unofficial. In 2009, they were back together and never separated again.
Ozzie Osbourne, an influential rock star, spent 33 years in a marriage with Sharon Osbourne, but they suddenly parted ways in 2016 due to Ozzie having an affair. Nevertheless, the singer came back to his wife, and the couple lives happily together.
Want to know how to resume your relationship after the breakup. Learn about under which conditions divorced couples get back together
It’s not only celebrities, but also common people that miss their former spouses and want them back. It's okay if you’ve also decided to change your mind and make another try to rebuild a significant relationship.
Here are quotes from individuals who have gone through a similar experience you're having right now. Which quote resonates with your heart?
Recent research shows that approximately 40% of married couples who split up give their relationship a second chance. From 10% to 17% of them manage to rebuild the marital relationship and stay together.
Furthermore, another study reveals that couples who seek reconciliation should never underestimate post-divorce challenges. In fact, around 50% of couples married for the first time split up officially. The CDC's National Center for Health Statistics claims that 20% of marriages break apart during the first five years. According to stats provided by Psychology Today, the divorce rate among couples remarried for the second time is almost 67%. The ones who remarry for the third time get divorced in 73% of cases.
Perhaps for some people history just repeats itself, and they face the same issues that made them uncouple. However, if you stay mindful and aware of past mistakes, there is a chance that you can beat the troubles and truly start over. Dating your ex-husband after divorce could be worthwhile if both of you are willing to change.
Did you know that the human brain is unable to tell the difference between emotional and physical pain? That's why the heartbreak of divorce feels so bad and literally hurts you.
What is more, breaking a marriage might result in sleeping and eating disorders. Additionally, it may lead to more serious problems with your health, because it disrupts the immune system. No one likes being lonely and sad, especially when the house feels like a dreary space. This is why dating your ex-husband might bring numerous positive emotions – you no longer have to suffer.
Here are some common facts that can explain why you and your former spouse may be attracted to each other.
Distance may decrease anger. When you separate from your partner, it becomes easier to see things more clearly thanks to the distance. Negative emotions tend to diminish when you are no longer face-to-face with your ex. You can take a deep breath and get rid of your anger. Once you do that, you will be able to treat the whole situation in a much more reasonable way.
Reflection may increase attachment. When you take some time off to contemplate and reflect upon your life, you'll probably recollect subtle aspects of your marriage that you might have missed before. This will most certainly evoke various new theories.
For instance, you might realize that it was you who did something wrong in a particular circumstance, or that you actually miss your husband in spite of his drawbacks. Most people indulge in reflection after divorce, so it's almost inevitable that you will discover some hidden truth regarding your marriage and see it from a new angle.
Re-evaluation can help you forgive. Some people have high expectations of their partner, so they get frustrated when life suddenly makes “adjustments”, and their spouse turns out to have flaws! Nevertheless, these individuals are likely to regret divorcing their husband later.
The thing is, an ideal man just doesn’t exist, so you shouldn't view ordinary human imperfections as major obstacles to a marriage. Reevaluate your relationship and reassess the way you used to perceive your spouse. Maybe you’ll fall back in love with your husband once you realize that no one is perfect, and forgive him.
Of course, there are plenty of other reasons why you’d want to be dating your former spouse. For instance, you might feel that losing a meaningful relationship is detrimental to your mental and physical health, because it used to provide your life with meaning. Once it’s over, you might feel empty inside. Furthermore, it isn’t easy for many people to break marriage vows, because they care deeply about their family and kids.
Sometimes, temporary separation can be useful, especially if partners spend some time reflecting on their behavior and priorities in life.
Making another attempt to get things working can thus bring good results. At the same time, high divorce rates among married couples indicate that sometimes dating your ex-husband after divorce might mean jumping back into the frying pan.
Unsure of whether you should put effort into getting back together as opposed to building a new life? Let's see an ultimate list of reason that people cite for being willing to come back to their former partners. The question is if all of them are reasonable enough.
Life doesn't end after a marriage breakup. It’s still cool to be dating in your 30s after divorce
Indeed, remarriage might be an option if some of the above-mentioned statements resonate with you. However, not all of them will necessarily result in a happy relationship with your ex.
Is it possible to predict whether dating your former spouse will work or not? Here’s a list of factors that can help you figure out the odds of a happy reunion!
Seeing as statistics show a high divorce rate among couples who decided to reconcile, you should be careful. It doesn't mean that you shouldn’t pursue happiness in your reunion. On the contrary, considering these criteria will help you make sure that you don't repeat past mistakes and increase the odds that your relationship will be a success this time around.
After divorce, both of you have to deal with pain points and triggers that could bring back hard feelings. Thus, don't hurry – when it comes to reviving a broken marriage, one must do it very slowly!
You and your former partner need time and effort to treat each other in a new way. This can be compared to soil that also takes time to recover after a fire. Remember, it’s simply not possible to grow anything on bare ground until it’s ready to become fertile again.
At the same time, a low-intensity fire in a forest might contribute to the forest’s fertility – how come? Scientists say that fire destroys the tissues of dead plants and converts the nutrients bound inside them into minerals. Thus, you should burn up old attitudes that didn't work before in the “fire” of divorce and post-divorce irritation to build a more nutrient-rich forest.
Reflect on the following questions to figure out whether there are many “dead trees” that you can burn, or whether it’s a desert that is hard to seed.
Be honest with yourself when answering this question, because the last straw is not always the true reason why you decided to divorce. Is it possible to overcome key obstacles? What factors does the solution to the problem depend on? Are they external or internal? Are both of you willing to put in the effort to deal with the issues?
If you split up due to addiction or an affair, it will be very difficult to restore trust once it was broken in your marriage. Thus, you will have to try twice as hard to make things work. However, if you were the one who suffered due to a breach of trust, be twice as careful not to become a victim again!
Recollect the moment when you decided to divorce – were you acting on emotion or did you make a conscious decision to split up? In the first scenario, chances are that you will be able to reconcile with your ex. The thing is, emotions often indicate that your attachment to your spouse is still strong, regardless of whether the emotions themselves are positive or negative.
At the same time, if you divorced with a clear mind and felt enormous relief when you became free, dating your former husband might be a mistake. However, maybe you just haven’t forgiven him? In this case, you might want to consider giving your relationship another try or consulting a therapist to work with your feelings.
Yes, you and your former partner might be enjoying a new wave of passion right now; nevertheless, it won't last forever. So ask yourself whether he is willing to improve your relationship as much as you are? Also, are you ready to jump right into a relationship, where you'll have to take conscious steps not to end up in a legal office once again? If so, there is a strong likelihood that you'll be able to fertilize your reunion with mutual support.
When people exit a meaningful relationship, they usually think a lot about how they could have fixed it. However, the pain that a breakup brings is not always bad because it makes many individuals learn from past mistakes.
In fact, pain can contribute to personal growth and make people more mature. Thus, it can be a great teacher to those who want to start with a blank slate. However, you should make sure that both you and your former partner are able to actually draw conclusions from past experiences to avoid misunderstanding or conflicts in the future.
Some people consider dating several partners at a time, including their ex. This often happens because they find it difficult to decide who they want to stay with. However, this behavior has more disadvantages than benefits, and here is why.
Firstly, wishful thinking could penetrate your perception of reality. For instance, you might wish your husband was with you. You can start attempting to make him come back in spite of the fact that he’s already seeing someone else. In this case, it would be better to discuss whether your former partner is ready to quit his new relationship for the sake of rebuilding the old one.
Secondly, dating both your husband and another man might trigger unpleasant consequences. One of your partners might find out that he is not alone, which might be the end of your attempts to choose between the men. Moreover, if your marriage broke due to a breach of trust, the situation will make things much worse. You might hurt your former husband twice as hard, because he’s faced your infidelity before.
As obvious as it might seem, numerous ex-couples avoid discussing the presence or absence of current partners when they start dating again. However, if you want to build a healthy relationship, it would be better to communicate before you make a mistake.
Reconciling with your former partner might s
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