Dating A Girl Who Likes Porn
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Dating A Girl Who Likes Porn
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Porn star Allie Haze has been dating her boyfriend, Mike Adkins, for about a year now. Mike does freelance video work and owns his own photobooth company — he has never worked in porn. He told me what it's like to date a porn star, his mom's reaction when she found out about Allie's job, and even — yes — what their sex life is like. (Because you know you want to know.)
Mike Adkins: I actually met her through a friend. I was born and raised in Ohio, but I've lived in Brooklyn the last four years. She has a friend who's in the industry who's also from Ohio, and I knew her through other people. They were coming to the city one time and [the friend] just hit me up on Facebook and said, "I haven't seen you in a long time. Do you want to grab a drink?" So I went and met up with her, and Allie was with her. That was last May.
I had no idea when I met her. I knew what her friend did. We were out getting a drink and a couple people recognized them, and that's how the beans were spilled. I was like, "How do all these people know you guys?" It still blows my mind how many die-hard fans there are. I watch porn as much as the next guy, but I don't go researching who they are and stuff like that. So she told me after I met her. I guess I didn't really think twice about it. And then I come to find out she's one of the top girls, and I was just blown away. It was crazy. You start thinking, "Is this really happening or is she just messing with me?" I thought they were pulling some elaborate prank on me. What's funny is when I met her, she told me she went to school to be a firefighter, and I used to be a firefighter for the EMT in Ohio. It turns out that we did actually have a lot in common.
We just kind of kept in contact. They were only supposed to be in New York for a few days, but we hung out and we swapped numbers. So the next day, they ended up coming all the way over to Brooklyn from New Jersey, and we hung out every single day. She ended up extending her stay in New York by an extra week before going back to L.A. We talked on the phone every single day, and she came out a few weeks later. It turned into a long-distance relationship. Then we said, "We've got to make something happen." We were doing the long-distance thing, and that can only go for so long. I ended up in L.A.
How did you start telling your friends and family, and especially your mom, about her?
I called her a few months down the road when I knew things were kind of serious. I was going to tell her, so I called her and left a voicemail. And she calls me a few hours later, "WHAT?" And I said, "I've been seeing this girl ... and here's what she does." She said, "Oh my god, I thought you were going to tell me she's pregnant or something." She was like, "That's fine, I don't care about that."
It's a mix. I have some friends who say, "Dude, that is so cool," and then I have other friends who are like, "You know what, you found a girl who really cares about you and at the end of the day that's all that matters and we're happy for you." That's what I like to hear. People are like, "You're the luckiest man in the world." And people always say, "How do you do it?" How do I do what ? Be in a happy relationship? I don't know. It just happened.
When was the first time you watched one of her films?
I think it was probably about three days after [I met her]. I had some other friends from Ohio who were visiting me in New York and one of them knew who she was and apparently was one of those fans I didn't know about. So he went and pulled up videos. What I was really happy to see was that, as far as porn goes, hers was some of the more classy, nice stuff that I've seen. So that was cool in my book.
So what is it like to have sex with a porn star? Were you intimidated?
I was intimidated, I won't lie. I thought, "I hope I don't screw this up." But with her, everything is super easy. This is the most normal relationship I've ever been in. Everything is so easy. I was intimidated at first, but once we started to get into it, you just lose track of time and go with the flow.
Has she been one of the more adventurous partners you've had?
She definitely is the most open partner that I've had. But that's great for me because I am too. My past relationships weren't what I needed, I guess. Sometimes it's really uncomfortable to bring those things up to people. You can be dating a girl and say, "Hey, want to try xyz?" and they say, "Oh my god, that is disgusting." And then everything is awkward. Allie and I talk about things and say, "We should try something new, we should try blah blah blah." And then we usually end up having normal-people sex! [ Laughs. ]
Have you ever been on set with her?
No, never. As far as her work, we're completely honest with each other about things. Sometimes brutally honest. But I'd rather have that than not know what's going on. I know what she does on set. I know everything.
Does it make you uncomfortable, jealous, or upset?
No, and it never really did. There have been a couple times where something will happen on set that she'll tell me about later, and I'll be like, "Why didn't you tell me right away? Don't you think that's something I'd have wanted to know?" I've met people who she's worked with and I haven't met anybody who's not super respectful to me. They know what's up. She says, "This is my man, Michael." And everyone is really nice. At the end of the day, it's a business.
How do you make sure you both stay healthy?
This is something I didn't know, but performers can't be on set without a valid two-week test. She really only works with a small group of people. They all have to be tested regularly. We're both completely clean and get tested all the time.
Since you have a video business will you ever go into porn or do a project with her?
I don't think so. It's just not really my thing. It's not an industry I'm passionate about. She is, and that's great for her. I respect her for it 100 percent. There's a request service [on her website] where you can request custom videos and she'll talk to you. I've filmed and edited a couple of those for her. That's about the extent of what I'd do in the industry.
I would say anybody who thinks porn stars are bad people are just out of their minds, because you can't judge anybody unless you've met them.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
Cheryl Wischhover writes about beauty, health, fitness and fashion. Follow her on Twitter .
Photo credit: Courtesy of Michael Adkins
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Search online for conventions near you. Adult entertainment expos usually take place at convention centers in larger cities. Some conventions travel around, while others occur annually in the same location. Check online, or search in adult entertainment magazines, to find out when and where shows are taking place. [1]
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Try searching online for "adult entertainment expos near me" or by adding the name of the nearest city. If you don't live in or near a larger city, though, plan to travel if you want to attend a porn convention.
The largest adult entertainment convention in the U.S. takes place annually (typically in January) in Las Vegas.
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Buy your ticket ahead of time, especially for major conventions. For the largest annual conventions, attendees often reserve their tickets months ahead of time. In some cases, it may be impossible to buy convention tickets during the event. [2]
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Use the convention website or phone number to preorder tickets.
It also makes sense to plan your trip in advance. If you don't live near a major metro area, you'll most likely need to arrange for transportation and lodging.
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Choose the right people to go with, if you don’t want to go solo. A trip to an adult entertainment convention is not for everyone. Choose friends who are open minded, especially about sexuality and pornography. Attending with a close-knit group of friends will likely work best. [3]
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Some couples like to attend conventions together. If you think this is something your partner might be interested in doing together, raise the issue well in advance.
Don’t try to persuade someone (whether a friend or partner) to go if they really don’t want to. They’ll probably end up being miserable, and might ruin your enjoyment as well.
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Study the convention schedule to plan your visit. Print out a copy of the event schedule, which you can usually find on the convention website. Highlight the booths and events that you really want to see during your visit. Map out when and where you need to be, and estimate how long it will take you to walk to each location. [4]
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Many porn stars, especially the most well-known ones, only appear at certain times and certain locations within the convention hall. Build your schedule around any "must-meet" stars.
You can also pick up a schedule when you enter the convention hall, but you won't be able to plan ahead as effectively.
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Bring plenty of money, including cash, to spend at the convention. Each picture with and signature from a porn star costs money. There are also plenty of sex toys, novelties, and food and drink items to purchase. Make sure that you carry cash, since some booths may not accept credit cards. [5]
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Cash is also useful for tipping purposes.
Like any convention, there will be plenty of ATMs on site if you need more cash .
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Check out your favorite porn stars dancing on poles or on stage. While nudity is often prohibited at these conventions (due to local regulations), there are usually scantily-clad porn stars or strippers dancing throughout the site. They might be pole-dancing at a booth, or dancing on stage in one of the auditoriums. Feel free to watch and have a good time. [6]
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You probably won’t get much chance to interact with the porn stars this way—opt for meet-and-greet events listed on the convention schedule.
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Meet-and-greet with your favorite porn stars. Visit the booths and halls you’ve highlighted to get your movies, posters, and pictures signed by your favorite adult entertainers. Have your phone’s camera ready, or bring a camera, so that you can get your picture taken with the porn stars. [7]
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This is your chance to briefly interact with porn stars, so take advantage of your time. Tell them how much you appreciate their work, and make a bit of small talk if you get the chance.
Don’t gawk or be rude, shy, or creepy . Treat them like regular people—there’s very little chance things will advance beyond quick chit-chat anyway.
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Ask your favorite entertainers questions at forums. While you can certainly ask porn stars questions at their individual booths, there tend to be long lines. This means you have to get in and out in a timely manner. However, porn stars often conduct forums at conventions. Feel free to ask them questions you have about them or the industry as a whole. [8]
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Treat them like you would any other entertainer at a convention. Ask them what it’s like working with a particular actor or director, or at a certain location—this shows that you know about them and their filmography.
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