Dating A Fat Girl

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How To (Respectfully) Date A Fat Girl


Amber Sarah is a twenty-something body positive, budding feminist blogger hailing from Massachusetts. Body image and fat activism are her lifeblood, and when she’s not slogging her way through school, she’s tackling tough questions about fat acceptance and myths about obesity at her blog, Adipose Activist . She’s also co-mod of a submissions-based body image blog called Stop Hating Your Body , which seeks to examine and combat media influences that put such large stress on what our bodies look like. Feel free to check out her blog’s Facebook page !
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Originally published on Adipose Activist and cross-posted here with their permission.
I’ve thankfully been in a relationship for over two years now – I say thankfully, because it’s tough out there (well, that and I’m very much in love with my boyfriend!)
The more I talk to my friends, the more I realize that men have no idea how to talk to fat girls.
So I figured I’d create a handy how-to list, which will hopefully be helpful to those ready to pop on out of the fat closet, or who already have but aren’t having much success.
This is written in a pretty heteronormative manner, which I apologize for, but the experiences I’m most familiar with are men trying to chase women here.
This is loosely based on my own experiences as well as the experiences and suggestions of many girls I’ve talked to. Do you have more suggestions? Feel free to comment!
Mentioning this first because it’s SUPER important, and it’s the first thing guys tend to mess up on.
Look, as much as I’m a body positivity advocate, as much as I call myself fat, as much as I realize that attraction is important and some people are attracted to fat bodies (which is totally cool!) weight is just something you shouldn’t mention to anyone in a first conversation, fat or thin.
I’ve seen so many opening lines, especially on dating sites, along the lines of
‘I’ve always been attracted to bigger girls.’
Here’s the thing. You don’t need to say any of that stuff.
It makes us feel like you’re talking to us JUST for our body. Especially on a dating site.
You don’t need to have the username ‘bbwlover2012′, you don’t need to talk in your profile about how you’re looking for a fat girl, or how you define yourself as a chubby chaser*.
You probably think that it’ll make fat girls more likely to contact you first, but honestly it’s hurting your cause more than anything.
It makes you sound like all you care about is our bodies, that’s the most important part to you.
Bad idea. So during a first conversation, again, you don’t have to qualify why you’re talking to her. You don’t have to state that you’re attracted to larger bodies.
Guess what? You talking to a fat girl, showing interest, says all we need to know, without words! You wouldn’t message a thin girl and say ‘I think you’re hot, I’m really attracted to skinny girls’, would you? (I hope not.)
I don’t want to speak for all fat chicks, but we’re looking for something pretty specific. Not someone who likes us because of our body, not someone who likes us in spite of our body. Just someone who likes us. All of us.
So if you see a fat chick you’re interested in, try to find some common ground and base conversation starters on that. You both love Lord of the Rings? Excellent! You’re both into the same band? Great! Look at that, you’ve found a conversation opening!
*(Note, saying things like ‘real women have curves’, ‘only dogs like bones’, ‘skinny girls are gross’ are horrible things to say. You are more than welcome to have your preferences, but putting down other body types or other people’s preferences is NOT okay. And it doesn’t win you any points.)
It may seem silly to mention, but it actually is important. Fat girls aren’t magical, mystical creatures. There’s no special way you need to talk to them, no different procedure, here. I get that question from time to time. ‘How do I approach a fat girl?’ Just like ANY other girl!
We’re real people with real personalities and feelings. Just talk to us. We’ll appreciate it. Trust me. As fat girls, we spend a lot of our lives being treated differently–and it’s usually not in a good way.
We’re not looking for you to make up for it. We’re just looking for you to get it and not do more of the same!
As much as it may seem counterintuitive since I’m writing a whole post on how to date a fat girl, but a lot of this can be boiled down to this simple statement: date a fat girl the same way you’d date any other girl.
Again, can’t speak for all fat girls, but lots of us have had a lot of bad experiences when it comes to dating. Men who’ll talk the good talk but won’t be seen with us in public, men who’ll have sex with us but make fun of fat girls to their friends, men who think we’re ‘desperate’ and ‘easy’ and just a quick lay.
That can be a real self-esteem killer for us, and it can make us gun shy. So we can tend to be a little leery when a guy professes interest. Don’t take it personally.
If you’ve managed to stick by rule number one, you might get a question like ‘So you don’t care that I’m fat?’ from a girl. This can be a tricky one to navigate.
Just try to assure her that you’re attracted to what’s on the inside and the outside!
This might sound harsh, but you have no idea how many men expect some kind of reward for being attracted to fat girls. Well, you don’t. Maybe it’s not socially ‘in’ right now, but the fact of the matter is, PLENTY of guys like fat girls.
Lots of them don’t want to admit it. Lots of them don’t tell anyone. But believe you me. If you don’t think there are guys out there who like fat girls, you are so wrong.
I understand that it can be hard, you’re afraid of your friends or your family ragging on you for dating fat girls. But if you think that’s bad, try being the fat girlfriend.
We get worried if your friends are going to judge us or snigger. We worry if your parents are going to tell you ‘you can do better.’
Any time you think it’s hard for you, remember it’s a lot harder for us.
I mentioned that most of us have had bad experiences, being the ‘secret’ lover, not ever getting to meet a guy’s friends, and it’s really quite painfully true. The fact that I have to add this piece of advice kind of makes me sad, but I feel it’s important.
A lot of times when a fat girl is out with a guy in public, people assume that they’re ‘just friends.’ There’s such a stigma out there that fat girls never get the guy.
Take her out to dinner, to the movies, walk around town. Hold her hand, put your arm around her. Looking couple-y doesn’t hurt!
If you’re scared of what people think? You don’t deserve to have a fat girlfriend.
There are lots of folks out there who hate fat people. The vitriol some people have for others based purely on body size can be quite frightening.
Understand that us ladies live in a culture where every magazine, every commercial, every ad is telling us that our bodies are wrong.
We are not represented in media except as comic relief or the ‘before’ picture in a diet ad. Different fat girls have different experiences, but we’ve all experienced a lifetime of discrimination.
Be sensitive to that. Chances are, she’ll have bad body image days. Chances are, there will be days when someone says something vicious and it’s hard for her to shake it off.
Be aware that there’s a whole system of oppression working against her, and it’s hard sometimes.
‘Whoa there, hold on!,’ you’re saying. ‘Didn’t number one say NOT to talk about it?’ Well yeah. Not at first. But the truth is, fat is one of those defining features that can’t really be ignored. It’s not who a person is, but you can’t ignore it either.
Living in a fat bodies shapes many experiences for a person, and it’s important to understand and be sensitive to it.
Different girls are at different stages of comfort and acceptance of their bodies (and frankly, that goes for all girls of all shapes and sizes!) Understand that some things are a little tougher for us.
We can’t go into any old store in the mall and find an outfit. Sometimes booths aren’t the best ideas at a restaurant. There are probably things you haven’t thought about that she might be embarrassed about.
It’s important to communicate these things and make her feel that she has a safe space to express these feelings.
“You’re not fat, you’re beautiful!”
“You’re so confident for a bigger girl!”
If she calls herself fat, let her. If she wants to call herself chunky, or curvy, or voluptuous, let her.
It’s her body to call what she wants.
And if you’re going to compliment her, don’t do it in a backhanded way.
Acknowledge that she’s both fat AND beautiful. Fat AND confident. Fat AND stylish.
Fat isn’t a bad thing to be, and both of you need to realize that.
Your mileage may vary on any of these points, of course. All girls are different, all girls want slightly different things.
There’s never going to be a one-size-fits-all list, especially when talking about such a large group of people! (pun not intended, yikes!)
But overall it just comes down to being sensitive, perceptive, and attentive. Frankly, these are good values to have anyway!
Hope you’ve found this list helpful!
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Curvy Dating — Enter The Word Of Plus Sized Dating Websites 
Dating. It’s hard. For everyone. But today, we are not talking about everyone, we are talking about dating as a curvy person. All day we see images of made-up models on advertisements and photoshopped and filtered selfies on our Instagram feeds. All of this can enforce ideas that we may be not be good looking enough to attract a mate! It can be especially nerve-racking when you are simply representing yourself with 5 pictures and 100-word dating bios! Curvier singles worry about what kind of pictures to put up, and how their date might react to their bodies in real life. And it’s not just big and beautiful ladies who worry about their looks! Guys feel the pressure too. There is a lot of pressure to be muscular and fit, amongst a host of other qualities. Compare a man and a woman’s dating app matches, and it’s clear that it’s a lot easier for women to find dates than it is for men!
You’ve lived in your body for many years, and you know there are men who admire women with a little or a lot more. But that does not mean it’s always easy to know which guys out there are into girls your type!
When we already may feel really self-conscious it can be difficult to open up and let a guy know you are interested. Also, a lot of guys are not super open about enjoying chubby dating. They may feel pressure from their friend group or colleagues to date thin or skinny women.
Now, in my opinion, you should never date a guy who isn’t proud to show you off in public, but they may need a safe space to try and get to know plus-sized women, Especially if they are shy or not very social.
We all know sizes are limited for plus sized girls, it can be hard to find something to wear for a special date night when you really want to make a good impression. Girls in smaller sizes have tons of cute options to pick from before heading out for Friday night happy hour with a new boo. B
ig and beautiful women, well, the options can be limited. I suggest finding a couple of cute outfits well in advance of a date, ao and have a look in your closet totally prepared! Remember, that guy is there for YOU, not your dress.
It’s great to make a stunning first impression, but your smile and personality are the things he will really remember when he calls you up for date #2!
Physical expectations of women is a common topic in society. But, men have a lot they need to live up to, too! Men are expected to be tall, strong, muscular, good at sports, and wealthy, don’t forget about the chiseled jawline!
But this is just not the reality for most men! Shout out to the internet for popularizing the word “dad bod”, a time when women all over the web expressed how much they really love a guy with, ahem, softer edges. I’m not quite sure the fellas want to be called curvy. The truth is, a lot of women could care less if their man as a gym body or looks like a pro athlete. Masculinity is not defined by muscles
Bigger guys dating cuvy girls might not be sure if they should bring weight up at all. Some people with some extra weight on them are the type that are always looking to drop a few pounds and get closer towards their goal weight.
Others are content being on the curvy side, and some people are just genetically bigger! It wil probably be important for a man to find a woman who has similiar views on living with or without the extra weight, or they could end up with some tension or resentment between the two of them.
The world of dating is almost completely online these days. It’s considered inappropriate to flirt at work, no one wants to be that awkward neighbor, and more and more men are worried about bothering women in public.
Singles of all ages pretty much need to be on some kind of dating website app in order to have a chance at meeting someone new! There are thousands of online dating services, that’s right — thousands. There are the super common ones like Tinder, POF, OkCupid, and Bumble — but tons of other niche dating sites are showing up around the web as well. 
The most popular dating sites don’t have a ton of information about the person, and you rely mostly on pictures and a few blurbs to decide if you might want to give that person a chance.
All of the options, with little to go off of, can feel really overwhelming for people who are looking for something meaningful. So, people turn to niche dating sites to be more specific and intentional with their dating. It can be hard to know which sites will actually have valuable members or members at all!
Check out some dating sites reviews before you pour too much time into a new app. Dating can be frustrating and disappointing enough as it is, it’s best to go in armed with knowledge and set your self up for success! Make sure you just get on the best plus size dating sites.
A lot of curvy women dating online are choosing to use curvy dating apps to connect them to the right men. Gone are the days of believing that men aren’t interested in “dating a fat girl”.
So what kind of plus-sized dating websites are there out there? Well, you have a few different genres. There are “ fat people dating sites”, which are meant to connect plus sized singles to one another. Some people choose to go to overweight dating sites because they want to date another hot curvy person just like themselves!
A lot of the websites out there seem geared toward big girls dating thinner guys, but don’t worry, there are dating sites for fat guys too. They are sometimes just named creatively, and often marketing as big women dating sites.
If you are looking for curves connect style dating sites, try WooPlus, which markets itself as a space for plus-sized women, but it is not just a fat dating site. Anyone is welcome to join WooPlus, but it is definitely a placed were dating a fat girl is seen as normal or even celebrated.
It’s a great place to get started whether you are a man or a woman. Another popular website is called Feabie, they call themselves a social network for fat admirers. On Feabie you might find more of the types who fetishize bigger men and women but not necessarily. 
There are also dating websites geared toward big girls dating men who may not share the same body type! There are men of all shapes and sizes who love hot curvy women, from the slightly chubby to a lot more to love.
Get your self on curvy women dating app so you know that all of your potential suiters will love the idea of dating you, curves and all! Some of the sites out there can also be a bit fetishy, like a curvy white women dating site .
Although it’s great when people know what they like we want to be careful not to date guys that full-on fetishize dating a fat girl. You don’t want a guy who will only love you for your body, just like you don’t want a guy who will date you despite your body (no! My boyfriend is not doing me a favor by “dating a fat girl”—puh-lease!).
Some of the most popular sites for big girls dating any sized guy have pretty obvious names such as BBWCUpid and MenWhoLikeBigWomen. On these kinds of websites, you will find no shortage of chubby to fat women dating all kinds of men!
There are not really any solid plus-sized dating websites exclusively marketed towards women looking for bigger guys. Men will have the best options being on an inclusive website that is geared towards bigger couples .
Remember, dating for bigger people is not limited to big and beautiful dating sites! You can hop on any general or niche dating website or app and find the BBW of your dreams!
The most important thing about dating is to remember that there is a special someone out there that sees you exactly as their type! Ok! So now we know where to find sexy curvy singles online, it’s time to research some sites and get your profiles up!
I’m looking for a fat beautiful lady that will love me..and I will also love her.
lm looking for a fat beautiful lady that will love me and l will also love her and take good care.
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