Damaged Assholes

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Damaged Assholes
Mental Health / By
Mahevash



/ May 6, 2019 June 24, 2022


22 thoughts on “10 Asshole Traits That Are Actually Signs Of Mental Illness”


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We all have at least one person in our lives who we consider an asshole. But did you know that the individual you have categorized as an asshole might just be someone who has or exhibits signs of some mental illness? Without further ado, let’s take a look at some of these asshole traits that may not be asshole traits after all.
Arrogance is a classic sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). A person with NPD is so drunk on self-importance that they think they are vastly superior to others, so much so that no one can rival them. Therefore, she has an over-inflated ego and spends her time exaggerating her skills, achievements, and talents. While she may appear very content and self-satisfied, in reality, she has a very fragile ego. After all, would a secure person go around bragging about her accomplishments?
While a narcissist can be very hard to deal with, try to restrain yourself from trying to take her down a peg. For if you criticize, insult, or prove her wrong, she will take revenge for her humiliation. Typically, this means that she will react with extreme aggression, play mind games, and basically leave no stone unturned in making your life miserable.
Lying with reckless abandon is one of the prime symptoms of someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD). Similar to a narcissist, a person with ASPD is highly manipulative in nature. One of the ways in which this tendency manifests itself is chronic lying , even conning people – and just for the fun of it. Being antisocial by nature, he has very little regard for the law and other people. So don’t bother trying to stir his conscience by telling him what he is doing is outright wrong. No matter what you do, he will feel neither guilt nor remorse for actions. He is unable to feel empathy for others, so he will need professional help to get him to change his ways. Little wonder then that the colloquial term for someone with this condition is sociopath .
Lying all the time can also be a symptom of pathological lying. Pathological lying can be a symptom of antisocial personality disorder(ASPD), histrionic personality disorder(HPD) or even narcissistic personality disorder(NPD). But when someone doesn’t show other symptoms of any of the disorders, then it is simply a stand-alone disorder called pathological lying. Here the person lies compulsively repeatedly, without feeling any shame or guilt and without having a particular reason. No matter which of the above maladies your coworker is suffering from, know that you cannot fix it simply by shaming or exposing them.
If she takes everything personally, chances are high she has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This happens because of a mental state called hypervigilance, which typically translates into misreading facial expressions, misinterpreting verbal and non-verbal communication for someone with BPD. For example, if you raise your eyebrows in the middle of a serious conversation, she might accuse you of being insincere or sarcastic. Or if you are unable to help her out because you are busy, she will assume that you are refusing to help here because you are angry with her for some reason.
She isn’t trying to be dramatic or attention seeking when she thinks or says such things, because, in her heart, she truly believes it. So if you routinely find yourself being blamed for saying something you never said or meant, now you know why she is overreacting or jumping to conclusions.
Whether he has generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) or social anxiety disorder (SAD), he is going to earn a reputation of being a flake. But it isn’t fair; he bails on you because that’s just what anxiety makes you do. His anxiety convinces him that it’s better if he stays at home instead of showing up and making a fool out of himself at a social event. The thought of interacting with—and being judged by—other people gets so debilitating that he’d rather earn the uncoveted reputation of being unreliable than step out and embarrass himself . Not to mention the damage this does to his social life- the more often he cancels, the less frequently he gets invited to other events. Even his relationships suffer because people assume that he doesn’t value their time or them, so they should stop making an effort to try and spend time with him.
One of the consequences of having depression is reduced empathy. The sufferer is so wrapped up in self-pity and sorrow that she has little emotional energy to feel for others. This may result in what is known as impaired empathy, wherein she is incapable of understanding the depth of other people’s pain and suffering. She becomes apathetic as it is a coping mechanism to deal with the overwhelming nature of depression . The disorder ensures that she thinks negatively about her past, feels worthless, believes that her future is going to be just as bleak, and so on.
When she is stuck in her own head and trapped inside a fog of repetitive dark thoughts, how will she able to look outside of herself and take a walk in someone else’s shoes? That is why she barely reaches out to you when you suffer a personal tragedy like say, your pet dog dies.
If he is rigid beyond measure, there’s more than a good chance he suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) . Can you imagine what a terrible boss this makes him? OCPD is what makes him believe that it’s his way or the highway. A perfectionist by nature, he thinks that he knows best and that others should emulate his ways if they want great work to be the outcome.
His preoccupation with perfectionism is what makes him closed to new ways of doing something. He thus becomes a bully as he refuses to listen to new ideas and opinions and wants his subordinates to only do what he expects of them. Criticism comes naturally to him but he cannot take it himself, so make sure you do not criticize him as it will offend him. Expect to deal with irritants like excessive micromanagement and impossibly high standards.
Consistent suspicion and grudge-holding are two classic signs of a Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) . Suspicion stems from her belief that people are out to deceive, exploit, or harm her. She also strongly believes that people cannot be trusted as they are unable to be loyal. With this in mind, let alone talk about personal issues, she does not share even basic personal information with others as she is afraid they will use the information she has shared in order to harm her in some way. The tendency to hold grudges also stems from this pervasive suspicion. It typically begins when she misinterprets someone’s innocent words as insulting or threatening. To her, the insult or threat is very real, and she is prone to not forgiving easily and holding a grudge for a very long time. Worse, she responds aggressively and quickly to both real and imagined insults.
Extreme suspicion and grudge-holding are also symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). A person with BPD is extremely insecure, has very low self-esteem, and therefore, tends to be suspicious. They suffer from “emotional burn”, wherein any trivial comment is perceived as a slight or an insult and they don’t forgive thereby holding grudges.
Most of us know that Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is characterized by traits like hyperactivity and inattentiveness. Due to these traits, one minute he can be excited and into a task, and the next minute he can be bored and onto another task without finishing the one he initially started. Naturally, this makes him come off as irresponsible no matter what role he is playing – employee, spouse, sibling, etc. At work or at home, he is seen as unreliable because of his poor attention span and inability to follow through with anything .
Unlike people with say, Antisocial Personality Disorder or Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, he is fully aware of his failings. He is weighed down by the chronic shame of not being able to meet others’ expectations. He also has to deal with insensitive accusations like he is failing because he is not trying hard enough. The guy is fully aware that he is a square peg in a world full of round holes.
No, I am not making this shit up. Infidelity is one of the common consequences of what we know as Bipolar Disorder. According to the International Bipolar Foundation, 25-80% of people with this disorder have a symptom called hypersexuality . As the word implies, hypersexuality involves an uncontrollable obsession with sex and going to any length to get some action. In layman’s terms, it means addiction to sex.
Bipolar disorder consists of two phases: mania (highs) and hypomania (lows). When a person is manic, they behave differently than they usually do. This often involves indulging in behavior with regrettable consequences, such as gambling, going on a shopping spree, or indulging in acts of sexual indiscretion. Even though she might have a perfectly normal moral compass otherwise, she won’t realize what she is doing is wrong at the time. Only after the manic episode has passed will she be aware of all the things she did during it.
Sleeping with multiple people is also a symptom of Borderline personality disorder (BPD), where the sufferer partakes in risky behaviors like substance abuse and promiscuity.
Does he get uncontrollably angry over little things and cause damage to property, animals, or other people due to the same? The guy may just have Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) . An individual with IED experiences episodes in which he is unable to control his anger and simply has to unleash his aggression. Since he loses control, he ends up committing acts of verbal or physical violence.
So if the man is known to have incidents of temper tantrums, road rage, or even domestic violence, know that it is impulsive, not premeditated. Before the act, he will feel an uncontrollable impulse to release his anger. According to Psychology Today, sometimes the impulse may also be accompanied by tingling, tremors, palpitations, chest tightness, etc. In contrast, he will typically feel a sense of shame, guilt, remorse, or embarrassment afterward.
Disclaimer:
The point of this article is only to raise awareness about the kind of impact mental illness can have on an individual’s personal and professional life. Please do not try to diagnose or label yourself, your coworkers, friends, or family on the basis of some behaviors or symptoms.
Just because someone exhibits a few traits of a mental illness, it does not mean they have a mental illness. Only a psychologist or psychiatrist is qualified to diagnose mental health conditions, so always seek professional help instead of going with your gut or performing self-diagnosis. 
There’s a title for every “asshole” mental illness, and they are all taking over the world. Everyone has mental problems caused by the stress of life. It doesn’t give anyone the excuse to treat everyone so poorly around them. What happened to taking responsibility for one’s actions, even just admitting “I’m just an asshole” everyone jumps to the idea of maybe there’s a mental diagnosis. And since mental Heath has taken a back seat in a society that so clearly needs to be addressed immediately, I guess that is just health professional’s way of saying to the rest of us…deal with it and we will see you TOO eventually.
Sorry for all those who ARE actually suffering with a diagnosis!… for all the rest using mental illness as an excuse, grow up!
Well, someone finally put into words what has become increasingly obvious to me.
I have NO solution to offer, but it appears it is only getting worse.
Not much of a future to look forward to.
At this point, it is estimated that 30% of the population might have fallen into the category of “asshole” as defined in the in the blog above. SAD
This article is biased. Sure these disorders and illnesses can have these traits, but to slap a mental illness on behaviors without looking at many other factors is just grouping people into categories and I feel it leads to irresponsible behaviors. It’s based on genetics, the present environment, the past experiences, and also nutrition and what a person puts into their body. It also has to do with an individual’s ability to take responsibility for their behavior. That can again be based on all the factors I mentioned. Regardless what any person does or doesn’t do, it’s all graded off what society has termed ‘normal’. If 80% of people in the world had bipolar behavior, what would that mean? Would that be considered normal? No. So who decides what is acceptable behavior and what is borderline of anything? Society as a whole is expected to function within the laws of peace. When that is disturbed, and an individual can’t seem to control whatever behavior is going against those laws, then we look at terms of a possible disorder. Getting treatment for a disorder is difficult because a person is so complicated, one treatment cannot begin to touch all the aspects of that persons issues. If we’re looking to feel perfect all the time then that isn’t going to happen because life is an experience, not something you see in a movie. When a person is ‘acting out’, something is wrong — maybe many things. And for good reason — the world is made up of many personalities. There’s a lot of violence, heartache, abuse, homelessness…there’s also love, excitement, happiness. Maybe if we all worked together to help one another get through life and enjoy life, rather than label and categorize and separate, we would function a little better. Maybe write an article how to be supportive, rather than focusing on how to single out and separate.
Interesting post that made me think about how many people I thought were assholes actually arent.
So what is the problem considered if someone has the Explosive Disorder but has no guilt or remorse or shame?
I call it Angry Asshole Personality Disorder. Unfortunately so many men have had it for so many centuries they think it’s normal and won’t treat it. Meanwhile they used to put women in mental institutions for “novel reading.”
That’s narcissism. They did something incredibly mean because you ‘made’ them do it. Ergo they don’t feel guilt because the reason it happened isn’t them.
Excellent piece! This website gives valuable data to us, keep it up.
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My grown son lacks empathy. It’s a vicious cycle… he wants attention from others constantly and is often depressed, through feeling no one cares. If he could only show interest & empathy towards others…
Sorry to hear that, Tracy. Has he been diagnosed with NPD? Lack of empathy and wanting attention are classic signs. Please don’t lose hope…with the right treatment, narcissists can change too. Here’s an article that talks about the same: https://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/can-narcissist-change-their-ways_n_5a95a5fae4b03a8f3a23288c
Also, depression makes one socially distant and unempathetic, so please try to make sure he is getting the help he needs. In my personal experience, medication and therapy are both very helpful.
You forgot about the parasitic lifestyle of narcissists.
So good! And you nailed it on ADHD. Having that myself I can’t agree more how I feel like a square peg in a round hole!
Hey there! Happy to see you here. It’s been a while :)
Glad to know I got it right. Don’t worry if you feel that way, all the greats were misfits, weren’t they?
Ha! Truth! Thank you. :) I always enjoy your posts.
I was happy to see the disclaimer. I was self-diagnosing as I was reading. LOL.
This is such a well-timed post, Mahevash, this month being the Mental Health Awareness Month.
We need to be aware of why people behave the way they do instead of labelling them or ostracising them because of their behaviour.
I am working on a post on Bipolar Disorder that I will share this Friday. It’s the least we can do to spread awareness and encourage people to share their stories, isn’t it?
Thanks, Shilpa. I couldn’t agree more.
Great, I will be keeping an eye out for your post. True, it’s the least we can do.
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https://www.thebody.com/article/loose-butthole-myth
Every person who engages in anal sex fears that they will one day possess a bashed and battered asshole, one that’s not as bright and tight as it used to be. I can admit that I was once a part of that camp, fearing that every time I bottomed, I was causing permanent damage to my precious b-hole. But, as is true with most generalizations, you come to realize it’s (mostly) a bunch of BS.
I became particularly invested in this topic after working with a sexual wellness company that launched a service called Text-a-Sexpert, in which a fellow sex educator and myself would answer people’s personal sex questions via text message. Almost instantly, I was taken aback by the volume of folks who wrote me desperate that their holes were—or would soon become—loose as a result of receptive anal intercourse.
As a radical empath who despises sexual shame in any shape or form, I want to wax poetic on the power and resilience of our buttholes. To assist, I’ve enlisted the expertise of not one, but two LGBTQ butt doctors as well as one experienced anal sex advocate, author, and sex shop owner. So let’s dispel some harmful myths and put those fanny-based fears to rest.
People generally measure sphincter-muscle strength in two ways. First, there is the “muscle-strength resting tone,” which gauges the tightness of the muscle while it’s not being used. Second is the “squeeze pressure,” which is the tightness of the muscle when you’re actively squeezing it.
“The anal sphincter is an exceptionally resilient part of the body that is way stronger than it needs to be—for perspective, it’s roughly four times stronger than what’s required to hold stool in,” colorectal surgery PA Jonathan Baker, M.P.A.S., PA, tells TheBody. “Even in people who regularly engage in receptive anal intercourse, the sphincter is typically still much tighter than what’s required.”
This means we can afford to lose a little elasticity in the area. In fact, we may want to. “In people who routinely and recreationally use the anus (i.e., for receptive sex), the sphincter muscle resting tone is reduced, but the squeeze tone remains about the same,” Baker explains. “This reduction in resting tone is helpful because it helps us engage in receptive anal sex without the preparation, slowness, and discomfort of anal sex.”
This reduced sphincter resting tone is also preventative, since an increased tone makes the area more susceptible to injury and fissures, which are tears in the skin that are mighty painful and difficult to heal.
“I often see patients with fissures who aren’t regularly engaging in receptive anal sex, but the patients who frequently engage in receptive anal sex often do not get fissures,” Baker says. “Simply put: Bottoming saves bottoms.”
Rest assured, bottoms: “The fear of permanent damage to your butthole is, for the most part, a myth,” Zoë Ligon, CEO of Spectrum Boutique
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