Dads Fuck Teen Daughters

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Posted Fri 12 Oct 2018 at 9:00pmFriday 12 Oct 2018 at 9:00pm, updated Sat 13 Oct 2018 at 2:10amSaturday 13 Oct 2018 at 2:10am
Annie's dad is a doctor — an anaesthetist to be exact — but the 15-year-old mentions that without a hint of pride.
"I'm in bed every night when he comes home from work, we've got to be quiet on Saturdays because he needs to catch up on sleep, so I really only get to see him on Sundays," she says.
Her life, she knows, is privileged: overseas holidays, skiing trips and the latest smart phone. But, despite her father's capacity to save lives and festoon the family with riches, Annie believes that she's missed out. "We just don't spend much time together," she says.
The ABC speaks to dads about how they made swapping breadwinning for baby-burping work for their whole family.
"Don't get me wrong," she says. "We have everything including a huge house. But that doesn't mean I get to see my dad."
Over the past 18 months I have sought the advice of 1,300 girls, aged 10 to 17, and 400 fathers — as well as dozens of school principals, teen psychologists and parenting experts — in a bid to explore the contemporary father-daughter relationship.
Despite the generalisations inherent in such a task, many themes loomed large — and one of them was the belated realisation by so many fathers that being the provider has meant falling behind as a parent.
"On some days I seem to be either invisible or pretty dispensable," one father told me.
"I'm 2IC (second-in-command) to Mum," another said. "I'm there for when Mum is not on the scene."
Or this: "I really feel like I mucked it up with her and it's my fault."
Girls say the same. "Dad sees his role as more of the provider and Mum as the parent," one says.
Research by the Australian Institute of Family Studies shows that more than one-third of children believe their father works too much.
"Children's voices are rarely heard in debates about work and family, yet they can be discerning observers of how their father's job impacts the family," researchers found.
One question I put to the 1,300 girls while researching my book was how often they spent 10 minutes in one-on-one conversation with their dads.
Fathers' responses mirrored those given by the girls:
The message delivered by our girls should signal a warning to us all.
So many girls believe their father takes a step back from them with the onset of puberty, is not present enough, isn't able to communicate with them, and parents their brothers differently. Many answers bordered on heartbreaking.
Jacinda Ardern returned to running a country after only six weeks' maternity leave. Her story echoes many working mums'.
But green shoots constantly appeared too, as fathers explained their struggle to become an equal player in their teen daughters' lives. And that's been replicated in recent weeks with huge audiences of fathers turning up at parent nights to seek those engagement skills.
School principals are seeing a new paradigm emerge too, where fathers are asking for more involvement during school hours.
"We're seeing fathers who are organising their workdays so they can be at school functions, whereas previously it was 'the father can't make those times'," one principal says.
Another says: "I'm seeing in my school community that you don't have to be female to be feminist."
Or this: "It's from a low base, but I am trying to structurally find a way to include more fathers. They want to get involved and they are not looking for board positions or to be the King Pooh-Bah. They just want to do stuff."
Other principals have seen a generational change in fathers who are more comfortable showing emotion, and that is translating to more engagement with their daughters across the school years.
That could deliver benefits to both fathers and daughters, but also to the schools they attend.
One principal put it this way: "Dads to me seem to be much more grounded and to roll with the punches. My sense is that if we saw dads more involved then perhaps we would get less of the preciousness around how girls are treated, and perhaps we wouldn't get as much of that dramatisation of the small."
So what is stopping equal involvement with mothers? Why aren't the same number of men and women turning up at the tuckshop, for example?
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Myriad reasons exist, but in some cases men are still happily handing the parenting of their children over to their partners. In other cases, mothers don't want to give up the role they see largely as their own.
Workplaces in many instances are less flexible in allowing fathers to skive off to school events, while overzealous school protection policies and even a communal suspicion of men make it hard on many to take that step forward.
Indeed, some fathers I spoke to described a "glass ceiling" at home and at school just as restrictive as that which their partners struggled with in corporate Australia. Dads found it hard to find an "in" and felt they were not supported in the process of getting involved — by partners, schools or workplaces.
Educationalist and former principal Dr Tim Hawkes sums up the view of many peers in saying schools need to become "more parent-friendly".
But my research shows fathers also need to continue to change, and to stop taking a step back as their daughters climb through adolescence.
Dr Hawkes agrees. "Dads need to be more careful that they do not spend so much time trying to be someone outside the home that they forget to be someone within it," he says.
*Girls' names have been changed to protect privacy.
Madonna King is a journalist and author, whose latest book is Fathers and Daughters.
Posted 12 Oct 201812 Oct 2018, updated 13 Oct 201813 Oct 2018
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It could be because of the pose, it could be because of the situation (a dance, for example), or it could be a combination of all of these things.
By Aya Tsintziras Published Jun 24, 2019
It might be a cliche, but many dads-to-be are excited about having a boy and many moms-to-be are thrilled if they find out that they're expecting a girl. Of course, everyone wants a healthy baby... but no one can really lie that they have a preference at least at first.
The truth is that sometimes, we see photos of a dad and his daughter that seem a little bit off. It could be because of the pose, it could be because of the situation (a dance, for example), or it could be a combination of all of these things. All we know is that we think, "This doesn't seem all that appropriate."
Here are 15 father daughter pics that are so inappropriate.
This photo is of a girl and her dad before a purity ball, which means that she has decided to save herself for her husband. Yes, there is an actual dance about this. And yes, that would be strange enough, but this photo really takes things to another level.
We would say that it would better if her eyes weren't closed and yet it would truly seem just as inappropriate.
From a young age, we learn that eye contact is a good idea. It's polite to look at the person who is speaking to you. We especially want to make solid eye contact on a first date or during a crucial job interview.
We can't say that the eye contact between the father and daughter in this photo is all that great. In fact, it gives us a strange feeling and it's really over-the-top.
If we didn't know that this was a photo of Brooke and Hulk Hogan, we would probably think that this was a picture of a couple. After all, look at this PDA.
But we know that this is actually a famous father and daughter. It's definitely a strange photo, and we wouldn't be approaching our dad like this...
Many people would probably say that this dress is the first problem with this photo since the straps are a little bit much. Or maybe there are too many straps?
Besides the dress, this dad's glare is unnerving. It's tough to see what the big deal is since teenage girls go to dances all the time.
Socks are typical Christmas presents, and no one is that thrilled to receive them. Fancy underwear, on the other hand, doesn't seem like the best holiday gift.
And a photo of two girls holding up underwear with their dad in the background? That's definitely inappropriate. They look pretty excited about their new undergarments and that makes it even weirder.
Liv and Steven Tyler may be close, but we're going to have to say that they are too close for comfort, at least in this photo. He has his arms around her and she's holding onto his hands, and it's just not what we would expect to see. If they had been standing further apart, that would totally change the whole photo.
When Miley Cyrus and her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, took these photos for Vanity Fair in 2008, people couldn't stop talking about how it seemed off that she wasn't totally covered up. These photos definitely don't seem like they are super appropriate. In the one on the left, she's gazing into his eyes, and on the right, their poses are better suited to a couple.
A photo of a dad and his two daughters should, in theory, be pretty adorable. This one falls into the inappropriate category because of two things: this father's beard... and the intense look in his eyes. He should look much happier than he actually does... and maybe trim the beard a little bit.
Angelina Jolie and her dad, Jon Voight, aren't the most close and connected father and daughter in the celebrity world. In fact, it's quite the opposite.
It's surprising to see this photo of the two of them since they have their arms around one another and she's smiling big with her hand on his shoulder.
If this girl had been striking a ballerina pose and that was the entire photo, it would be beautiful. There's no denying that, especially since the landscape of this picture is incredible. The blue sky, mountains, and rolling hills are like something out of a painting.
The fact that she's holding tightly onto her father makes it seem just a little bit inappropriate.
Everyone has heard dads joke about wishing that their daughters would leave dating until they were in their 30s. This dad decided to literally give his daughter a t-shirt with his face on it that says "try me."
There is no way that we couldn't think that this was a weird t-shirt. And there is no way that this was the right thing to do.
When a teenage girl goes to a dance, it's pretty cute when she takes a photo beforehand with her dad. When he wears a robe (and stares at the camera like he is not impressed at all), things get odd and fast.
This is another inappropriate father/daughter picture and they both look super uncomfortable. We wonder if she had a date, and if he stared at him like this, too?
This is another photo of a dad and daughter before attending a purity ball, and like the other one, it seems really intense.
In this photo, both the father and daughter have their eyes closed. We really don't have that many words to describe this. All we can say is that it's not your typical photo.
Dads may think it's hilarious to say that their daughters shouldn't go out with boys, but honestly, it's kind of old-school at this point to act that way. It's also inappropriate to literally stare at your daughter and her date before she heads over to her high school for a dance.
These 15 father/daughter photos are definitely inappropriate, and we would have to say that they give off pretty weird vibes.
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Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories on her food blog, www.ahealthystory.com. She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture.

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