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Finding someone who shares your kinks and fetishes is not always easy, if you’ve ever struggled to find a submissive or a masochist you know what I mean.
One solution is a good BDSM and fetish dating site , which can help you penetrate deeper into your local kink community.
These sites let you search for people by fetish and role, whether you are a dom looking for your sub, or a rope bunny looking for your rigger, they help you find your kink compatible match fast.
Still, the internet is full of scams. Dodging them through trial and error is risky and exhausting. Are the best sites for BDSM dating really what they claim to be? Let’s investigate.
Alt.com is an online community with one of the largest groups of men and women into the BDSM, fetish lifestyle. If you are looking to find someone for kinky dating , roleplay, and other fun stuff, this is an excellent place to start. Within minutes of joining, I jumped into the chat rooms and flirted with a lady who shares my love for transparent clothing. Oh man, those were good times.
On alt.com, you can message anyone for online BDSM play. Most people are into that type of stuff. The site has topic rooms for all kinds of kink and fetish interests (rubber, goth, cybersex, etc.). You can also join their local, state, or regional chat groups to meet other real-life members.
Alt.com is free to join. But of course, like most fetish sites, you are charged to get past the communicative barriers. Look around the site and if you like what you see, unlock all the features (unlimited contact, blog/video access, profile visibility) with one of the following membership deals:
On Alt.com, you may find like-minded people that you have never met in real life, not even on social media.
Of all the dating websites created for kinky people , BDSM.com is the most overtly geared toward the whips and leather crowd. The website layout is very similar to Alt.com, with member profiles, topic rooms, and local groups for each state, region, and continent.
When you first arrive, you will see a collage of kinky BDSM lovers in chains, masks and cages. Those tools represent the entire site as a whole. I found that I fit at the moment I joined. You do not have to look for people who share your kinks and fetishes anymore. Register for the free features and then upgrade to the silver or gold membership (same membership plans and rates as alt.com).
With more than 80 million members (64m in the US), Adult Friend Finder is the most populated kinky dating site globally. Its members run the gamut in terms of sexual orientation and lifestyle arrangement. You can find straight, gay, and bi; single, swinger, and polyamorous.
AFF is more than just a BDSM dating site; it is an online fetish community where people chat, form kink groups, share videos and post stories. You can share your fantasies and erotica, both real and fictional, on AFF with other members into the same fetishes.
Unlike most fetish dating sites, AFF sports a layout similar to Facebook and other social network platforms. So you can lay low learning their new system because most features should already be familiar to you. You will see a vertical feed of recommended matches complete with like buttons, comment boxes, and status info on your personal homepage. Membership rates are as follows:
AFF is one of the most popular swinger sites for polyamorous people. If you and your partner have fantasized about trying group sex or cuckoldry, you might find willing participants here. If you are looking for a bi female for a m/w/w threesome, check the AFF member profiles.
I have had so much fun on AFF that it felt like I was single again.
Few dating websites are as notorious as Ashley Madison, the site for adulterous kinky people. Most of its members look for side action because they cannot get what they want at home, such as sex with masks, whips, vinyl, and chains. Imagine being trapped in a vanilla marriage! Shame on yall.
Ashley Madison is easy to use. You scroll down the feed of matches that meet your essential search criteria (gender, age, location) and click on photos of anyone you fancy for more info. Most of these people seek the ride of their lives and are blunt about what they want in a fling.
There is no membership plan for Ashley Madison. To make full use of the site, buy credits at the following prices:
Ashley Madison is a libertine hookup and affair website where anything goes sexually. Just practice your utmost discretion here (after all, most of these people don’t want their partners to find out.)
Seeking Arrangement (seeking.com) is a dating site where gold diggers find sugar daddies. Rich men, in turn, come here looking for arm candy. To some extent, this site facilitates costliest fetishes, findom, where men get tricked and teased out of their wealth by hot dominatrixes.
The site is free to join, but you will need to pay the premium to unlock conversations, filter your inbox and get your profile in front of more matches. As a sugar daddy, that will cost you the following:
If you join as a sugar baby, the rates are far lower:
Despite its reputation, the people on Seeking Arrangement run the gamut, and most of them do not even resemble tycoons or gold diggers. Still, if you join as a sugar daddy, the lowest-possible net worth you can list is $100k but there is no real verification.
As the name implies, Fetlife is a community website of members dedicated to the fetish lifestyle. It sports a micro-blogging layout that shows columns of the latest member posts and pics, where other users can comment.
Fetlife is where kinky people come to socialize with like-minded individuals. We would not call it a dating site per se, but you can find dates and hookups if you invest time and energy into the website. For unrestricted use of the site, consider the following plans:
To find kinky singles on Fetlife, join their Partner Finder group.
If you want to explore the fetish community for free, start on Reddit. The r/BDSMpersonals subreddit is easy to use and highly trafficked. Each thread header states the poster’s age, location, and preference (M4W, W4M, W4A, etc.).
To combat spam, they now make you wait four days after joining before you can post. They also prohibit personal links, promotions or any mention of findom.
Fetster is an online dating website and community for people into varying shades of kink. On Fetster, you can post videos, join interest groups, converse in forum threads, post blogs and photos and even make confessions.
The Fetster community is equally about socializing and dating. If you fancy someone, you can PM them and/or add them to your friend’s list (ala Facebook). The site puts you through a lengthy fill-in forum at signup to weed out the fakes.
On Bondage.com, you can post about fetish and kink topics and find other locals with similar interests. They offer multiple fetish groups for each state and city. In my area, Portland and vicinity, they have groups for hotwives, gangbangs, exhibitionists, cucks, and more.
Bondage.com has the format of a social media website with content feeds, comment boxes, and like buttons. The site is free to use, but with a paid membership, you can get more features, such as contacting members and posting videos.
Their Gold and Silver membership rates are the same as on alt.com and BDSM.com. (They’re all run by Magnolia Blossom Inc.)
Fetish.com is the Facebook of fetish sites. Each user has a profile page with a photo album and a wall of posts, videos, and comments. If you like someone, give them a spank (heart button). They also have the live text and video chat under multiple kink categories.
While not everyone on Fetish.com is looking for dates, you can flirt with anyone. To find dates, click on the BDSM dating link under the Browse pull-down menu. The site is free to use, but you can unlock more features with their VIP or Premium membership (listed in Euros).
If you’re a man under 30 and your kink is older women (or if you’re a woman over 35 and your kink is younger men), give cougarlife.com a try. The site offers simple search filters that let you narrow things down by eye color, body type, age range, hair color, location, and more.
A lot of women in the cougar scene are more aggressive than the typical female. As such, women often make the first move on cougarlife.com.
It’s sometimes tricky to hook up with older or younger singles in real life because they run in different crowds. Sites like Cougar Life make it easier for younger guys to meet MILFs in that prime 35-50 range.
Yes, people are serious about fetishes. Once you join and interact with the members, you can find plenty of people who will chat with you in the forums and groups. Depending on which hours you go online and the size of the fetish community in your area, you might find many people eager to talk at once.
Even though you can find users who enjoy the same fetishes as you in these online communities, that doesn’t mean they will meet you offline. As with any dating site, the members of fetish dating websites need to feel a sense of trust and familiarity before they’ll meet you in person.
Be careful about the people you meet on dating apps, regardless of whether they’re part of the BDSM community. While many great people have met through these communities, dating sites and apps are also frequented by fakes and predators.
Before arranging a meetup with other members on these fetish sites, make sure you verify the person’s identity. Ask questions that only a genuine person would answer, such as his or her place of birth, schools attended, work background, and activities.
One of the safest ways to get to know someone online is through webcam shows. Have a webcam chat before you meet in person. This way, you can study the person’s mannerisms and determine whether it’s someone you’d want to meet in real life.
Sometimes, you’ll chat with someone online, and they’ll seem decent enough for a meetup. However, when you do meet, you’ll know right there that you don’t want to associate with this individual. If you share a webcam chat, you’ll know before you even go through any trouble.
If, for whatever reason, the person you’re speaking with cannot take part in a webcam chat, request another form of factual verification. Ask that person to post a selfie holding his or her screen name upon a piece of paper, preferably with your screen name on it as well.
To ensure that it’s not a photoshopped fake, ask that they make a special gesture, such as a peace sign or a thumbs up.
One of the best ways to find people with kinky fetishes is to join an online community. When you enter a kinky website, you are likely to find a judgement-free environment.
Most of the members on these sites live secretive lives because their friends and family won’t understand. Like you, they’re seeking like-minded people with whom they can open up and be themselves.
To join a fetish website, all you need is an email address. After choosing a username and password, you can use the free features and see how you like the site. To unlock all the features and contact as many people as you want on the website, consider one of the paid membership plans.
Stuff like Tinder caters to the normies and vanilla types. BDSM dating sites cater to a more upscale crowd of people with kinks. Someone could be nearby right now waiting to meet someone with the same kinks as you. Happy hunting!
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One of the most misunderstood types of BDSM relationships is the Daddy Dom/little girl dynamic (or DDlg). For some, it’s just fun role-playing with clothing and outfits. For others, it is their identity. Even though there are many benefits to ageplay, it can be hard to know what things to say to someone who feels this lifestyle is wrong. Keep reading to learn all about the DDlg rules, definition of “little space”, Daddy dominant traits, and get new ideas , so you can enjoy ageplay responsibly.
Ever since I became sexually active, I always had a “Daddy kink”. I loved calling my now Dom, Daddy, and enjoyed being coy and pretending to be innocent. I bought school girl outfits and was drawn to anything Disney. Unfortunately I did have “Daddy issues” growing up, and the fact that my father passed away when I was 13 just compounded them even more.
Being in this type of lifestyle with my partner was a healthy way for me to explore this kink without fear, shame, or enabling what could have been harmful experiences. Since my partner never had a father, it was also very therapeutic for him to be the role that he never had in his life. It was extremely empowering for both of us.
Ageplaying involves treating the sub like they are a certain age, usually younger, anywhere from toddler to teenager. As a result, the sub treats their Dom like their Daddy. He takes on the paternal role of protector and caregiver, and administers discipline and training when needed. The sub becomes his “little” and relies on him emotionally, physically, and even sexually and sometimes financially.
Ageplayers are NOT pedophiles. The definition of pedophilia is having sexual feelings towards children. A sub is not a child, but is a consenting adult. Therefore, a Daddy Dom wants to be with HIS little girl, not little girls in general.
It can be hard to explain this lifestyle or know what things to say to someone who doesn’t understand this kink. Basically, age playing and DDlg satisfy both individuals involved on many levels:
Usually men are naturally attracted to youth and innocence, and having a little meets that need continuously. They will also have the satisfaction of having someone rely and dote on them, and counting on them to “fix it” when things get hard. Similarly, littles are constantly seeking the praise and attention of their Daddy and will do their best to please him.
When his baby girl disobeys rules, a Daddy Dom also gets the fulfillment of disciplining her in any way he desires, (and she has consented to). She will also come to him with her sexual needs, as he knows how best to please her.
In a symbiotic way, what makes the Daddy happy fulfills the little’s needs and vice versa. She will be made to feel eternally youthful and beautiful, and he will spoil her and cherish her. Subs that choose this relationship are usually emotionally fragile at times, and having a supportive, paternal figure is very soothing.
Likewise, being told they’re a “good girl” makes sub ageplayers feel extremely content. And obeying the DDlg rules and knowing they’re making their Daddy happy gives them immense reassurance. For example, head pats and forehead kisses mean the world to me.
Now that you know the real definition for ageplay and what both the Daddy Dom and little girl get out of it, here are some of my experiences and ideas for making it work:
The Daddy Dom ultimately chooses the clothing his little girl wears, but short skirts, dresses, and having their hair in braids or pigtails is usual protocol. School girl outfits are very popular, and Brazilian waxes are a great way to get that look and feel for ageplaying.
(For DDlg clothing, toys, and accessories, check out Kinky Cloth . They’re my favorite.)
Littles should refer to their Dom as Daddy, and always ask them for permission, just like a dependent child would. Daddys need to call their littles by appropriate names like Baby Girl, and conversations and lectures are more enjoyable when she’s told to sit on his lap.
Littles also usually require a softer approach when being dominated. Good Daddy Dominant traits are being nurturing, caring but strict, being a good listener, and supportive. Here are some ideas for things to say:
DDlg revolves around wanting to please and fearing disapproval, so rewards and punishments are vital. Therefore pats on the head and forehead kisses mean a lot, and spankings are usually a must. In addition, keeping the attitude of “Daddy knows best” will also deepen intimacy.
The definition of “Little Space” is a state of mind submissive ageplayers enter when they’re deeply feeling little. Here are some ideas for age appropriate activities to help a sub enter little space more easily:
Ageplaying is a great way to mix childlike innocence with naughty sexual curiosity. Don’t listen to people who try to say that ageplay is wrong. The DDlg lifestyle can become the basis for a healthy BDSM relationship, and bring even more happiness to both the Dom and his sub.
I have found my Daddy and I am elated. We have been apart for 12 weeks and I will see him again on Saturday. He has bought a vanilla collar and he will put that engagement ring on my finger on the weekend. I get to marry my Dom Daddy. I get to be looked after and loved and controlled and contained for ever.
This is exactly what I’ve been looking for. I’m not very experienced in the lifestyle, but taking care of a little is an extremely attractive idea. Your article is inspiring.
Very good read. My submissive is not a little, but as a Dominant, I truly enjoy reading about other aspects of our lifestyle.
Keep up the good work.
RA.
This was a perfect read today. DDlg is something my Master approached me with recently. I really thought it was silly, (honestly), but after reading your blog, I may give it some thought. He is everything you described here. As always, love your blog!
Great article, and I’ve tried explaining this several times to very close friends that find it creepy. I’m a bratty sub with little traits (especially when feeling extra sensitive). You hit the nail(s) on the head with all the things!
Your article was such a welcome one to see!
When Daddy and I first had the conversation about our lifestyle, Daddy explained a “Daddy Dom” was just what He was. For me to voice that I felt “Little” most of the time, and having Him know that, took a weight off me and made me more comfortable with who I am. Even though we don’t live together, we are 24/7 in the relationship and it works great for us!
Thank you for your lovely explanation of the DDlg lifestyle!
Amazing article and as a practiced daddy dom who is looking for a new little girl I can honestly say this is spot on information.
My Daddy and I love our lifestyle. He has always been very protective and caring over me. We started my Little Space soon after I started reading about it. It was an easy transition for us. It has taken our relationship to the next level. When he asks me how his little princess is? My heart just melts and I feel like a very special little girl who has the best daddy ever! Thank you for your blog. You are awesome!
This really is a fantastic read! DDLG never was weird to me. I’ve been a natural Dom for as long as I remember. Only about a month ago I met my first true little. She is unbelievable. We live a 24/7 DDLG and neither one of us could be happier. I’ve tried to train women who want to be little but they just can’t in my experience because a part of them grew out of that or is ashamed of it I’m not sure. But my little doesn’t want to be called anything but little and treats me like a man more than any other woman ever did and I’m 52 years old. This is the most rewarding lifestyle I could have ever i
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