Dad Daughter Incest Mom
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A Canadian author detailed her incestuous relationship with and sexual feelings for her dad. (whitetag/Getty Images/iStockphoto)
A Canadian daughter who had sex with her dad says she was shocked and horrified by her incestuous urges — but she is not alone.
Vancouver author Natasha Rose Chenier detailed her sexual relationship with her father on Jezebel. The 24-year-old explained that she experienced genetic sexual attraction and was a victim to her father's abuse.
It's not clear how many people experience GSA since the topic is so taboo. Some experts believe up to 50% of relatives who meet for the first time as adults experience sexual attraction — but that figure is heavily disputed.
Chenier met her biological father when she was 19 years old. He left Chenier's mother before she was born and Chenier looked him up after her mom endured a decade-long abusive relationship.
"I sought him out because I was lonely and angry at her," she wrote. "I wanted to find a parent who would love me unconditionally, who would protect me. The irony of what happened does not escape me."
Chenier flew to Jamaica to meet her dad. They hit it off right away.
"I was intoxicated by our likeness, which I never shared with my mother, or with any siblings (I am an only child). All of a sudden I had company. It was that simple. I had a dream parent, and I was over the moon," she wrote.
Chenier went back home ecstatic. The two talked on the phone frequently until her next visit. On that trip, they shared a bed, she said. In retrospect, it seemed inappropriate, but nothing seemed odd at the time, she explained.
"But I came from a kiss-on-the-lips relationship with both my mother and grandmother, and growing up, it was normal for us to cuddle and be affectionate together," she wrote.
That's when started feeling sexually attracted to him, she said. She was horrified and didn't tell anyone, hoping the urges would go away.
"The sexual feelings I had for my father felt like a dark spell that had been cast over me," she wrote. "It was like those nightmares in which you scream and no one hears you: you are powerless and you know it."
On her third and final trip to Jamaica, Chenier discovered her dad was attracted to her, too. They had oral sex several times and her father confessed that he wanted to sleep with her from the moment they first met.
The visit ended, but her anxiety and dread only grew after she left the island.
"I had daily panic attacks and felt like a criminal of the most terrible kind for years," she wrote.
Chenier said she finally stopped blaming herself after her therapist explained her genetic sexual attraction was not her fault. In a parent-child relationship, the parent must set the boundaries: By letting those limitations slip, her father was a sexual abuser, Chenier explained.
"Genetic sexual attraction is normal, and very real," Chenier wrote. "I want to say what I have finally been able to understand myself: that my attraction, and what it led to, was not my fault."
Copyright © 2021, New York Daily News
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Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.
Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums.
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by spoonriver1993 » Mon Nov 12, 2018 1:50 am
It all started with this "game" my dad and I would play when I was about preschool age or maybe a little older (??) where we'd basically french kiss each other with tongues. I have no other memories of him doing anything else to me. I don't really have memories of him at all from that period (0-12ish?). I remember my friends and playing at their houses and my teachers but nothing from my house. I wasn't abused or anything either. I know that my mom worked and he looked after me a couple summers and I do remember driving with my dad and dropping her off at work and crying hysterically, feeling so distraught that my mom was leaving. I really hated being apart from her.
This is going to sound CRAZY as ###$ and you all will hate me for saying it but I kind of feel like my dad MAY have molested me and it's hard to focus on other things until I write this out. I've been having this feeling for about a year or so and usually I can forget about it but not today. Maybe because last night I had a sexual experience (first time anal, unprotected) with a stranger I met in a bar. And I felt too uncomfortable to ask him to stop or slow down even though it hurt and I think he would have stopped. I don't know why I feel so unable to assert myself. I even want to see him again although I hated the sex and got zero enjoyment. I've had similar experiences with men (all strangers) and I've never felt pleasure during sex so I don't know why I keep doing this. I guess I like the attention?
There's a million little things that could or could not be clues. Always having a lot of vaginal pain, yeast infections and great pain urinating when I was a kid. Getting in trouble for french kissing kids at school. Drawing a picture at school of my dad in the shower, with his penis out, and being questioned about it by my mom and teacher. Then there's my dad's depression, anxiety, alcoholism, marital problems, secret affairs with younger women. Also my dad's weird sexual problems (he told my mom he was asexual once, another time he said that his sister was raped by his dad, another time he said he hired a prostitute to ###$ him up the ass though I don't think that he was being serious). He also refused to have sex with my mom for years.
The biggest potential "clue" for me though is the feeling I get around him or even when he emails. My parents are separated and I haven't talked to him for years but I'm totally fine with it. If it were up to me I'd never talk to him again. I don't have a reason, though. He is much nicer to me than my mother who is very unpredictable and angry and sometimes violent. Yet I'd pick her over him any day. He makes me so uncomfortable and irritable. Ever since middle/high school I hate being around him. I find him repulsive and weak and uncomfortable. I don't like being touched by him. I don't even like when he emails me nice things or buys me birthday presents. Another reason for this could be the fact that my mother hates him and I've kinda had to choose between my parents so I don't know.
I guess the final thing is my own sexual issues. I've never dated. Always been shy around boys until recently and now I just sometimes go out to bars in the middle of the night and hook up with strangers. I followed random guys into their apartment once and was drugged and probably raped. I let men do a lot to me even though I don't like it. I also have huge incest fantasies and love attention from older men and have fallen in love with many a male professor.
So what do you think? I'd never actually accuse him of anything or get the law involved no matter what I "remember." If anything I just want to figure out what's wrong with ME so I can get better. I've been depressed, possibly bipolar for a long time and feel like I'll never experience sex or intimacy in a normal way.
by avatar123 » Mon Nov 12, 2018 6:52 pm
The french-kissing thing is definitely very odd, way outside normal behavior for a parent, and abusive in nature. Whether or not it's a sign of additional abuse, we really can't say, only you or he would have knowledge of that, or someone who was there at the time.
You have ample reasons to dislike & resent him, even if this went no further, so it's possible that this seems like just one more thing to add to the list. I guess my impression is that if your mother mistreated you as well, there wasn't much in the way of emotional nurturing or support in your childhood. So maybe the attraction to older men, incest fantasies. and making yourself available to random men, is a response to profound neglect, which itself is a form of abuse, even without the other mistreatment. For a young person, sex is an easy way to get attention and feel connected to someone, even if it's not in a good way (or a normal way, as you pointed out). People who are neglected have an increased need to seek out these things, to please others in order to receive attention, but also haven't had a chance to learn how to do it in a positive way, while preserving their own worth and identity.
Not sure if you've ever thought about your behavior in terms of neglect, but the pieces seem to fit. In cases of neglect, the first step is realizing the impact of it, how it altered your own development from what might have normally occurred. Then the second step is to learn to compensate so that you are developing good relationships based on your values and qualities, which other people will recognize and admire if you pursue the right things.
Also not sure if you've had any therapy or counseling, but that can help with neglect when you have an advocate and someone on your side. This could also be a good friend or someone in your family that you trust. It can be hard to deal with it alone, even if it seems that you're doing ok, you're missing out on many of the things that life has to offer.
Anyway, I hope that helps (and maybe makes some sense), and that you will give it some consideration. We all just want to be happy, in the end. It's important to give ourselves the opportunity to do that.
by Snaga » Tue Nov 13, 2018 7:22 pm
Just a note that this has been moved from Child Abuse to Sexual Abuse/Incest
Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.
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by TheDemons » Sun Nov 25, 2018 2:58 pm
To me, it sounds like you were abused when you were younger, but it was so traumatic for you that your brain blocked it out. I wouldn't recommend sticking to what you're currently doing with the men. I'd advise counselling, whether it be online or in real life. Just someone who will listen to what you have to say.
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