Cumming In Daughter Stories
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Cumming In Daughter Stories
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In September 2000 my daughter was nearly 13 and had just started secondary school. She had always got on well with other children and worked hard. But after a couple of months things began to change. She started wearing lots of make-up. The school was a stone's throw away, but friends began calling for her as early as 7.30am. Next my older daughter spotted her hanging about in the local park with some lads from school who introduced the girls they befriended to older boys and men. I was very alarmed. Then she started missing certain lessons, sometimes whole days.
When she started disappearing overnight, I trawled the streets looking for her. I had no control over her. Sometimes she would say she was going to have an early night, then she'd turn on the shower and climb out the bathroom window. Once when she disappeared, I went through the park looking for her and asked a teenage boy if he'd seen her. I was horrified when he said, "Yes, all the prostitutes hang out by the bowling green."
I confronted my daughter. "That's not true," she said. "Those boys are my boyfriends."
As far as she was concerned, she was doing what she wanted to do and I was hindering her. Money didn't seem to be changing hands, but the girls were getting drink and drugs and mobile phones. The men flattered them into believing they loved them as part of a process of grooming them to have sex with lots of different men, some in their 30s and 40s. People ask me why I use the word "grooming" rather than referring to them as paedophiles, but most of these men haven't been convicted.
I felt as if my daughter was sliding away from me and I'd never be able to get her back. Every minute of every day became a nightmare. I couldn't eat, sleep or function properly, and I could see no way back. Every time she disappeared, I thought I'd never see her alive again. If a girl is over 13, she has to be the complainant in a case of sexual assault. Because this was happening outside the house, there was nothing I could do. The worst thing, as a mother, was not being able to prevent my daughter from being abused.
At the end of 2001, a year after her first disappearance, I put her into care. She didn't want to go, but I could no longer cope. My lowest point was the first time I visited her. Seeing her and having to walk away was unbearable. Everything exploded while she was in care, and I had a breakdown.
My nephew killed himself unexpectedly during this time. My daughter and I attended the funeral, and were both extremely upset. Afterwards, I took my daughter firmly by the shoulders and said to her, "You'll never know how many times I thought I'd be going to your funeral."
Then I walked away. She seemed to turn some sort of corner that day, and so did I. She started to realise what she was doing to herself and I could see for the first time that she needed me. I think I had to feel as low as it was possible to feel before I found the strength to fight what was happening to her and other girls.
I started campaigning with Ann Cryer, the MP for Keighley, for a change in the law to make hearsay evidence admissible in grooming cases, a change we secured last year. I'm proud of what I achieved and my daughter is proud of me, too.
After two years in care, she came back to live with me, went back to college, got qualifications. At times she feels down about what happened to her, which she now recognises as abuse. Last year Channel 4 made a programme about the grooming issue in this area and, although some white men were involved, the BNP hijacked it as a race issue: Asians exploiting white girls. I was furious because this is not a race issue.
The men live locally and we see them from time to time. They call my daughter names, and me, too, if I'm with her. I say to them, "I'm not frightened of any of you." My daughter calls out, "I've moved on with my life and it's a shame you can't move on with yours." Our relationship is better than it has ever been. We talk to each other and if she goes out with friends, she leaves a note on the fridge telling me where she's gone and when she'll be back. It's fantastic to get those notes.
· Do you have a story to tell? Email: experience@theguardian.com
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Disclaimer Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.
How will you feel as a mother if your husband sexually abuses your innocent daughter? This is the question a woman in Bauchi State is trying to come to terms with, as her husband, Abubakar Magaji, a resident of Liman Kagum in Bauchi local government, did the abominable act of having carnal knowledge of their 11-year-old daughter.
More shocking is the fact that it was not a one-act misadventure but a repeated one. But like a popular saying has it: Many days for a thief and one day for the owner, nemesis eventually caught up with the 45-year-old father when he was arrested and paraded along with others at the Bauchi State command for rape.
When VM sought to know why Abubakar will abuse his own child sexually, he confessed he was tempted by the devil. He added that he could not resist defiling his daughter when his wife left him because of a misunderstanding between them.
The father of four who was ashamed to lift his head while answering questions from journalists said: “I engaged in the ugly act because I had a misunderstanding with my wife and she left me. I am ashamed of my self because it was temptation that led me to do it.
“I divorced her mother and married another wife but unfortunately my wife also left me a month ago so I needed a woman to be with; so that was why I did it. I also have a problem with my sexual libido. It is so terrible that I desire any woman I see, but what stops me from approaching them is that people respect me as a married man. So I felt the only way I could relieve my sexual tension was to sleep with my daughter, since she is so young and had no knowledge about sex.
“It was after I defiled her and I was arrested by the police that I understood the gravity of my offence. I can’t imagine that I did this to my own daughter. I regret my actions and I pray that God will forgive me”.
When VM visited the residence of the suspect at Liman Katagum, a suburb of Bauchi metropolis, a neighbour to Abubakar who did not disclose his name, said that he was shocked to hear that Abubakar was arrested by the police because he defiled his daughter. According to him: “ I was shocked when I discovered that Mallam Abubakar who I had a lot of respect for will stoop that low and sleep with an 11-year-old child that happens to be his daughter.
“This is the highest level of abomination and Islam is against such an act. No matter the excuse, a man does not have the right to defile a girl outside the confines of marriage. This is unacceptable and he deserves to be punished by the law”.
He called for severe punitive measures to be carried on rapists in the country, saying that will serve as a deterrent to those contemplating on engaging in such an act.
Reacting to the development, the state Commissioner of Police, Lawal, Shehu expressed worry over the increasing rate of rape cases in the state and vowed that all rape suspects will be charged to court and prosecuted. He said: “Since January, we have arrested over 10 suspected rapists, only this week we recorded over five cases. It is worrisome that among the suspects arrested is a 45-year-old man who raped his 11-year-old daughter and two aged men who are between 45 to 54 years who raped teenage girls of between two years and four years”.
“This is why I’m sounding a note of caution to parents,especially mothers, to always monitor the movement of their female children. I particularly want to warn mothers to be always on alert because rape is on the increase and teenagers and little children between five and fifteen years are now the victims.
“Any suspect arrested in connection with a rape case will be charged to court and be prosecuted; they should also know that the offence is not bailable. Even when courts are on strike, the suspects will remain in detention till the strike is called off”.
Home » More... » Metro » Why I slept with my 11-year-old daughter — Confession of a father
[Pics] Here’s What 30 Historical Figures Actually Looked Like Gloriousa
2023: Peter Obi is deceiving Nigerians with lies — Asari Dokubo
10 reasons I can’t be Peter Obi’s running mate – Aisha Yesufu
[Pics] Always Put a Plastic Bottle on Your Tires when Parked, Here's Why Cleverst
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[Pics] 10 Food That Unclog Arteries (Most People Ignore) Novelodge
Disclaimer Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.
How will you feel as a mother if your husband sexually abuses your innocent daughter? This is the question a woman in Bauchi State is trying to come to terms with, as her husband, Abubakar Magaji, a resident of Liman Kagum in Bauchi local government, did the abominable act of having carnal knowledge of their 11-year-old daughter.
More shocking is the fact that it was not a one-act misadventure but a repeated one. But like a popular saying has it: Many days for a thief and one day for the owner, nemesis eventually caught up with the 45-year-old father when he was arrested and paraded along with others at the Bauchi State command for rape.
When VM sought to know why Abubakar will abuse his own child sexually, he confessed he was tempted by the devil. He added that he could not resist defiling his daughter when his wife left him because of a misunderstanding between them.
The father of four who was ashamed to lift his head while answering questions from journalists said: “I engaged in the ugly act because I had a misunderstanding with my wife and she left me. I am ashamed of my self because it was temptation that led me to do it.
“I divorced her mother and married another wife but unfortunately my wife also left me a month ago so I needed a woman to be with; so that was why I did it. I also have a problem with my sexual libido. It is so terrible that I desire any woman I see, but what stops me from approaching them is that people respect me as a married man. So I felt the only way I could relieve my sexual tension was to sleep with my daughter, since she is so young and had no knowledge about sex.
“It was after I defiled her and I was arrested by the police that I understood the gravity of my offence. I can’t imagine that I did this to my own daughter. I regret my actions and I pray that God will forgive me”.
When VM visited the residence of the suspect at Liman Katagum, a suburb of Bauchi metropolis, a neighbour to Abubakar who did not disclose his name, said that he was shocked to hear that Abubakar was arrested by the police because he defiled his daughter. According to him: “ I was shocked when I discovered that Mallam Abubakar who I had a lot of respect for will stoop that low and sleep with an 11-year-old child that happens to be his daughter.
“This is the highest level of abomination and Islam is against such an act. No matter the excuse, a man does not have the right to defile a girl outside the confines of marriage. This is unacceptable and he deserves to be punished by the law”.
He called for severe punitive measures to be carried on rapists in the country, saying that will serve as a deterrent to those contemplating on engaging in such an act.
Reacting to the development, the state Commissioner of Police, Lawal, Shehu expressed worry over the increasing rate of rape cases in the state and vowed that all rape suspects will be charged to court and prosecuted. He said: “Since January, we have arrested over 10 suspected rapists, only this week we recorded over five cases. It is worrisome that among the suspects arrested is a 45-year-old man who raped his 11-year-old daughter and two aged men who are between 45 to 54 years who raped teenage girls of between two years and four years”.
“This is why I’m sounding a note of caution to parents,especially mothers, to always monitor the movement of their female children. I particularly want to warn mothers to be always on alert because rape is on the increase and teenagers and little children between five and fifteen years are now the victims.
“Any suspect arrested in connection with a rape case will be charged to court and be prosecuted; they should also know that the offence is not bailable. Even when courts are on strike, the suspects will remain in detention till the strike is called off”.
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