Cum On Teen Face
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Cum On Teen Face
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Is Rubbing Cum All Over Your Face The Secret To Eternal Youth?
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A facialist recently marveled to me: "Your lines are worse than mine and I am 40 years old!" Which forced me to point out: "I'm not CHINESE." So Asians have better skin. Do they have to rub it in our faces? Segue alert! Enter Lo & Dough, Jezebel's resident beauty product geeks.In the first installment of their column, they tackled the six most common ways people fuck up their lipstick . Recently they told me about an ancient Chinese beauty secret: the semen facial. Since I'm personally going through a reeeeal dry patch (ha!) they both agreed to become whores in the name of pores, Jizzybelles, etc. etc. And in the name of the scientific method, they both found sperm donors named Matt! But how did Creme Le Peen work out for their skin? Find out!
Welcome to "Blushing Snides," a regular Jezebel beauty and makeup feature that will probably change
Cosmopolitan head honcho Helen Gurley Brown once famously advised women to "Spread semen over your face, [it's] probably full of protein as sperm can eventually become babies. Makes a fine mask—and he'll be pleased." Damn, Helen, did that dick make you slap somebody, too? Because we actually tried out your crazy-ass beauty tip this weekend, against all better judgment, and are now here to report back on the Nasty Truth of semen facials. It all started with a few innocent emails:
BDJ: Dude, my skin has been pissing me off sooo bad lately. While I'm the last person in the world to buy into a load of hype, I'm this close to splurging on Creme De La Mer. You should talk me out of it, whether you know anything about La Mer or not. I don't want to pay that much money for something that calls itself a 'miracle broth', and yet I'm so drawn to the promise of amazing skin....
Not just a protein shake LyfeFuel takes a holistic approach to nutrition to deliver essential nutrients we might miss when we’re rushing to eat throughout the day.
Lo: Heh, heh... "miracle broth." That sounds like that gross thing we were talking about yesterday. I'll give you ten bucks if you rub sperm into your face and blog about it. I'd totally do it but I'm single.
BDJ: Isn't sperm actually supposed to be good for the skin? I think I read that somewhere... But, knowing my crap memory, it was probably College Humor or some shit. I'll totally do it if you do something else gross and blog about it. There was a rumor when I was in school that if you swabbed your morning pee all over your face (like a toner) it would clear up your skin. I suspect that girls I knew believed it, considering that all of the popular girls at my school kinda smelled like pee. Or it could've been Gap 'Dream'. I dunno.
Lo: Ohhh man. There's this uh, sort of monastic taoist order of sexual nuns in china called the white tigress society. Their whole M.O. is to harvest as much sperm as they can, rub it all over themselves, and apparently not age. I guess it works for them. The part I think is funniest is that they have to go out and "harvest" it. I think we should totally do this. I'll go out and harvest if worse comes to worse. I'm not using pee as a toner though. That's just foul.
BDJ: I just looked it up in google questions (who knew?) and it says that ejaculate contains urea also, so you may be getting the bonus effects of pee, whatever that is. It's like those cleansers, that are ALSO toners! The google also said ejaculate was basically warm sugar water with a little salt, vitamin c, and zinc. You must go forth and harvest.
Lo: How are you going to harvest it? Like in a cup, or in your hand, or fresh-squeezed from the condom, or what? We might have to wait awhile for me to get some. Hopefully I can pull it off within the week. Also, are we applying this like a beauty masque? Haaaahahahaha.
BDJ: Maybe a cup. Def not a condom, those things are full of nasty chemicals. Just let me know when you can get some. The fresher the better, I'm guessing. Since it hardens and flakes. I'm grossing myself out now. Um, I guess like a masque. I give it 10 minutes tops before I get skeeved and go wash it off.
Lo: Yeah, I just had the thought that my ex would probably be willing to donate. I'll buy him a perfect 10 and send him to the bathroom with a coffee mug.
7:35 Lo: I'm getting sperm tonight! Can you? 9:08 Dough: of course 10:58 Lo: Smells bad, burns, thank god I'm wasted. 11:01 Dough: Burns? Shit! Um, he's been drinking, eh. Prolly not good 4 yr skin. 11:02 Lo: Mine too! Plus I had to blow him for science, oops! 11:04: Dough: "For science' sure... 11:06 Dough: My test subject is reluctant. 11:07 Lo: Matt says "Bullshit I did it!" 11:09 Dough: We are both harvesting Matt jizz 11:10 Lo: Do it!!! 11:11 Dough: I'm doing 11:25 Dough: Omg. So gross. It stanks. 11:26 Dough: No burn, just tingles 11:31 Lo: I'm really smooth! 11:39 Dough: I'm bright red. It burns now & I look like a glazed donut. 12:00 Lo: It's like any other mask. I hate masks. Matt and I are still trying to drink away the humiliation... 12:02 Dough: Just think how much we'll have 2 drink once this goes to post!
The semen facial burned the fuck out of our faces, and our skin stayed red and irritated well into the next day. The more we researched into the skin nourishing properties of semen, the further we were convinced there were none.
Helen was right about one thing, semen does contain protein, and as the water in the spunk evaporates the protein is left behind. This does tighten the skin, but only in a ghetto, Queen Helene Peel-off Masque kind of way. Which means the tightening effect is gone once the product is removed. Also, if you consider that semen contains sorbitol (body alcohol), sodium, citric acid, uric acid, and chlorine, the tightening effect that a load to the face provides can be chalked up to drying of the skin. Yes- DRYING. As in, sucks moisture out of. As in, makes you look older. As in, not a moisturizer!
And yes, semen does contain a few trace vitamins and minerals form the body, but the amount is negligible, and there's not proof that those minerals can be absorbed into the skin from the seminal plasma. You'd get better facial nourishment without the Port-A-Potty smell if you were to use a vitamin-enriched moisturizer you could get from a drugstore. Semen also contains Urea and Uric acid, so if golden showers aren't your thing, semen "facials" shouldn't be either. There's probably more piss in jizz then there is magical skin-saving properties. Swallowing spunk isn't necessarily good for you either. If you're so concerned with vitamins and antioxidants, you'd be better off taking a multivitamin like a sane person. I'm sure some fools are gonna come out of the woodwork claiming that sperm is good for women's bodies, but the fact is that there is no scientific proof to back this up, leading us to believe that this is just a lame frat-boy urban legend perpetuated to degrade ladies and fuck up their complexion at the same time.
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If you find a ruler in a man’s bedroom, chances are he’s measuring one thing in particular… But what if he’s measuring something other than how big he is down there?
Although it’s a more unspoken truth, the fact is lots of men dwell on the power of their ejaculation and how far they cum. Most men want to ejaculate like a porn star. But sadly, we’re too often left with a disappointing dribble.
It’s more than just wanting to emulate your favorite porn scenes. Women talk and you’ll get an enviable reputation amongst your partner’s friends; it’ll give your confidence and self-esteem a boost and make your orgasm feel so much more intense.
But you don’t need to bring a ruler into the bedroom and measure out your cumshot. Instead, by using these 11 techniques you’ll soon notice the difference – and you’ll never look back.
Ultraload is a premium semen volume enhancer designed to help you ejaculate with more power and shoot cum further.
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Although there are 11 techniques to maximize your cumshot’s power, they can really be split into 3 categories: how to increase semen volume, how to build up the amount of cum before the orgasm, and techniques on how to actually ejaculate with more force and power.
Just 1 technique will make a difference, but imagine if you use all 11…
If you’ve heard of Kegel exercises, then you probably assume they’re just for women as a way to strengthen their pelvic floor muscles. But men can actually benefit from Kegel exercises too – only we benefit in a slightly different way.
For men, Kegels strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which helps to support the bladder, bowel and even sexual function. Kegels involve working out the PC muscles – the ones you squeeze when you have to stop pee midstream.
Have a go at pretending to stop midstream and pay close attention to the muscles you’re squeezing… and that’s all there is to it. A Kegel exercise is simply finding PC muscles, squeezing them to work them out and relaxing again. Try holding the contraction for 3-4 seconds and aim for around three sets of ten.
What’s better is that you can exercise your PC Muscles whenever you want. At work, in bed, in the movie theater, dinner with the in-laws… whenever you have a moment to spare.
After just a few weeks of regular Kegels, your PC muscles will be so strong that you can stop yourself ejaculating at will and have enough strength to ejaculate more semen with more distance and force.
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” – or goes the saying. It’s important to stay healthy, but while fruit and vegetables keep our body healthy, it doesn’t necessarily keep our sexual health in tip-top condition.
Fortunately, there are sexual health supplements available for you that work wonders. Each brand has its own unique blend of highly potent, natural ingredients that come with a range of benefits: increased libido, bigger and harder erections, increased semen volume and more powerful orgasms.
Ingredients like Maca, Lecithin, KSM-66 and Zinc have all been shown to drastically improve your sexual health and function. Zinc is also an excellent supplement for increasing sperm count and fertility. A healthy dose of sexual health supplements not only makes sex better, but you’ll end up shooting bigger loads further.
A range of supplements are available, but Ultraload is a suggestion that comes highly recommended for bigger loads and intense orgasms.
Dehydration has a variety of effects on your body, and one is a disappointingly small dribble of cum instead of the power hose you really want for an orgasm.
In a 2013 study looking at the hyperviscosity of semen (how thick it is), they found that as many as 29% of men had particularly thick semen, a factor that can lead to infertility. And what can help this? Water.
We tend not to drink enough water these days, but we really should as being well-hydrated comes with a range of benefits: It boosts your mood as well as mental and physical performance. It’ll also help the thickness of your semen.
Semen is mainly made up of water – it’s not supposed to be too thick. And the better hydrated you are, the better the semen’s quality and viscosity. That means it will be less thick and will shoot out further when you ejaculate.
One of the great things about being a guy is we don’t have a time limit for fertility. We’ll just keep on producing that sticky white stuff day in, day out without fear of running out. But just because you won’t run out doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take a break from time to time.
Abstinence, or abstaining from ejaculating, isn’t fun – especially when you’re really in the mood. But since you keep producing semen every day, holding it in means it’ll shoot out faster and more powerfully when you finally let it out.
Think of it like a water balloon – with just a small amount of water in there, nothing’s really going to fire out. But when it’s bursting to the seams with water, it’ll explode when it can, gushing water everywhere.
If you want to gush hard just like a water balloon, hold it in.
Are you a regular runner or a constant couch potato? While it doesn’t make all the difference in the world, it can affect the amount you blow at the crucial moment in bed.
You might think it’s not that important, but since sports are extremely popular nowadays, aren’t you a little concerned if and how sports affect your sperm count, semen and fertility?
According to a study , there are changes in semen parameters depending on the type of sport, intensity and duration.
Sperm and semen production is often affected by heat stress; your testicles work best when they’re about 2°C lower than your core body temperature.
But this temperature changes depending on your lifestyle – it gets higher with obesity, exposure to heat, laptop use and too much of certain exercise. Elevated scrotal temperatures have been detected in cyclists, for example; and this is made even worse when wearing tight clothing like lycra.
However, working out and training has also been shown to increase semen volume. Lounging on the couch and doing nothing reduces your sperm and semen concentration, but sperm concentration is about 43% higher in men who engage in moderat
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