Cuck Has Second Thoughts

Cuck Has Second Thoughts
It looks like you aren't allowed to do that.

Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Daniel Kaluuya is still making that "Barney" movie
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Daniel Kaluuya is still making that "Barney" movie
Daisy Edgar-Jones and Taylor John Smith on adapting "Crawdads" for film
I’m a 41-year-old male who looks like the tall, strong, professional, alpha-male type on the outside. On the inside, though, I would like to find a strong, confident woman who wants a cuckolding relationship—she sleeps with other men, while I am faithful and submissive to her. There must be women out there who would love to have a loving, doting boyfriend or husband waiting at home while they go out with other men, but I tend to attract women who want the alpha-male type. What can I do to find—or attract—the kind of woman I’m interested in? Or should I go in for vanilla dating and then have a discussion about cuckolding after we’ve started having sex? Another Lad Pursuing Humiliating Action
“Most women, even dominant women, are still looking for guys who look like they ‘kick ass and take names’ in every other aspect of their lives,” said FleeMarket (u/flee_market), one of the moderators of r/cuckold on Reddit. “As for how to find dominant women, I see a lot of submissive guys on various websites—OkCupid, Reddit, Tinder, FetLife—and something they don’t understand is that women looking for sex or love online tend to get buried in unsolicited PMs from thirsty guys. That makes it hard to find that one respectful PM from a guy like our letter writer here. The signal gets lost in the noise.”
Before we get to some practical advice for ALPHA, a quick word about the term “cuck.” While it has long been an affectionate/horny term embraced by self-identified cuckold fetishists, the alt-right has attempted to turn “cuck” into a term of abuse, hurling it at any straight white man who gives a shit about racial justice, police brutality, and the plight of undocumented immigrants. In an effort to wrest “cuck” back from the bigots, and to mark the waning days of the Trump campaign, I’m dedicating this week’s column to “cuck” as properly understood: a guy who wants his partner to sleep with other men.
So, ALPHA, how can you attract a woman who wants a cuck?
“What’s worked for me is using the internet not to find people but to find kinky events where dominant women gather in real life,” said FleeMarket. “I’m on my second openly dominant female partner in four years, both of whom I met at kinky parties. The events are usually listed on FetLife, and you usually have to attend a munch first to demonstrate that you’re not a dingus who can’t follow the rules or a psycho who doesn’t care about them.”
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You will find a lot of advice for wannabe cucks on r/cuckold, most offered in response to men trying to talk their vanilla wives or girlfriends into cuckolding them. But you’re as likely to read stories of failure (she said no, absolutely not, never) as you are to read success stories (she’s fucking other guys, and here, with her okay, is the video).
“As much effort and time as getting into the kinky community takes, it’s still easier than trying to turn a vanilla woman kinky,” said FleeMarket. “He shouldn’t ‘lead with his kink.’ If a woman asks him what his interests are, mention it, but dial down the excitement level. These ladies deal with a lot of creeps, and it’s easy to scare them off. Basically: Be in the right place, treat the women there with respect, and get to know them as people first.”
My ex-three-exes-ago was a cuckold. I swore I would never date another cuckold after he blew up at me for not cheating on him juuuuuust right. I was just a prop, and I came to hate him. I also hated you, Dan, because he raised the subject by giving me some of your columns to read. Fast-forward five years, and my brand-new boyfriend tells me being cuckolded is his ultimate fantasy. I literally started to cry. He held me, he apologized on behalf of all cuckolds everywhere, we laughed, and then he dropped it. He didn’t pressure me, and about a year later, we gave it a try on his birthday. It turns out my boyfriend—fiancé now—is much better at this kink than my ex was. He’s open and honest, he communicates constructively, and he was willing to step outside his comfort zone to accommodate my needs. (He wanted the other guys to be strangers, but I need to know someone before letting him in my body.) I have a regular thing with an ex-FWB, and sex with my cuck is frequent and hot. Things couldn’t be better. So I’m not mad at you anymore, Dan! All is forgiven! Cheating Happily Ever After, Thanks!
Congrats on your upcoming wedding, CHEAT! And ALPHA? It would appear some vanilla women can be turned.
I’m a straight woman who’s about to cuck my man. We’re trying to figure out if my first sexual encounter with another guy should be in front of him or not. He says he doesn’t care; he’s excited either way. I am so nervous, but it’s a good nervous. We have been monogamous until now. I know you say to take it slow. But when it comes to cuckolding, does slow mean “Only kiss the other guy in front of him the first time” or “Tell him about the other guy I kissed”? On Him Watching Or Waiting
P.S. It’ll be more than kissing either way!
“Everybody’s different,” said FleeMarket. “There are guys who love being left at home while she goes out on a ‘date,’ there are guys who love being in the house/hotel but not in the room, there are guys who want to be in the room watching or participating. But as far as whether you should dip your toe in or jump in with both feet, there is no ‘right way,’ only what’s right for you two.”
That said, OHWOW, the reality of a partner sleeping with someone else for the first time—in front of you or not—can be a lot more intense than the fantasy, and you should definitely take things slow the first time.
“There’s the ‘baby steps approach,’ i.e., just flirting with or kissing the other guy (whether in front of him or not) and then seeing how he reacts,” said FleeMarket. “Or telling him that you slept with the other guy, when you really didn’t—just to see how he takes it. Then there’s jumping in with both feet and getting a hotel room and a few drinks with this other guy before taking both men up to your room.”
Whatever you decide, OHWOW, FleeMarket recommends having a plan in place in case things/feels/dicks go wrong.
“Use the traffic light system,” said FleeMarket. “Things getting too intense? Say ‘yellow’ to slow the play down. Someone getting upset? Say ‘red’ to stop the play, and all three of you can talk. It’s always better if everyone understands it’s okay to call a stop to play if you need to.”
I just came across the word “wittol.” It means “a man who knows, condones, and even encourages his wife’s enjoyment of coitus with another man or men; a contented cuckold.” Considering the frequency with which cuckolding comes up and your influence on language, I thought you might want to know. He’s Expanding Lexicon Perpetually
Discontent is a big part of the cuckolding kink, HELP, as cuckolds get off on feeling humiliated and jealous. So I’m not sure “wittol” quite works. But if the alt-right white supremacists succeed in making “cuck” synonymous with “race traitor,” maybe cucks will switch to “wittol.” But don’t give up without a fight, cucks!
On the Lovecast , when fathers come out to their daughters. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

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by Dan Savage on February 19th, 2014 at 12:01 AM
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I am a straight male, married to a woman for 25 years. Our marriage started to go sour about 14 years ago. Sex was infrequent and stultifying. Finally, when the kids were old enough, I made plans to separate. When my wife got wind of these plans, she finally agreed to work on our relationship. We had long and heartfelt conversations. Things got better. Sex got more frequent, if not more exciting. Then I saw a letter referencing cuckolding in your column in the Coast , the weekly paper here in Halifax. I mentioned it to my wife. She asked me to read it to her. This led to a conversation about the possibility of introducing cuckolding into our relationship. She agreed after she made certain it was something I really wanted. She now has a guy in mind. My first choice for this scenario would be all three of us having sex. My second choice would be he and I having sex with her. The third would be me watching. The last would be them having sex and me hearing about it afterward. She has opted for the last option and is reluctant to share all the details.
She has asked me why her having sex with another man is so exciting. She speculated it is because I have a big ego—if other men want her, her value is higher. That sounded weird to me. For me, it is all about sex. The idea of her letting another guy in, going down on him, et cetera is exciting to me. We will be breaking the rules for what married couples are supposed to do. I have been on cuckolding websites. It seems a lot of guys go in for humiliation. Some claim they have small dicks and want a larger man to satisfy their wives. None of those things apply to me. I just think it is hot, exciting sex. My question: has there been research into cuckolding? Why do husbands find it hot and desirable?
> Clearly Understanding Cuckold Kink
“There hasn’t been a lot of research into the cuckolding phenomenon,” said David J. Ley, PhD, a clinical psychologist and the author of Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them . “Historically, men whose wives cuckolded them were publicly humiliated, and their wives were often severely punished. It is only in the past decade or so that this fantasy has catapulted itself into the public consciousness, largely due to an intersection of female sexual liberation and the ability of the Internet to allow men with these fantasies to find each other and learn they are not alone.”
Because of this history—cuckolded men publicly shamed, cuckolding wives brutally punished—there hasn’t been much nonjudgmental, non-sex-panicky research into men with your desires, CUCK. Ley’s book represents the first comprehensive effort to explore your particular kink.
“CUCK’s wife is right,” said Ley, “in that many men do get an ego boost out of sharing their ‘hot wife’. But there are many other motivations as well. Some men are into the idea of cuckolding and humiliation, in a masochistic way. Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, who masochism was named after, explored this fantasy specifically for the humiliation of it.” Men who enjoy the humiliation aspect of their wives sleeping with other men tend to identify with the term “cuckold”, CUCK, while men who are into the hot, exciting sex aspect—men like you—tend to identify as “hotwifers”.
“There are lots of men who explore this fantasy just because they think it’s very sexy to imagine or see their wife having hot sex with someone else and being fully satisfied,” said Ley. “One very interesting biological theory for this is related to the concept of sperm competition. Essentially, the theory goes that men get physically aroused when they know that their sperm might have to compete with those of another man, in order to possibly (even theoretically) impregnate a woman. In such circumstances, the men thrust harder and deeper during sex, they ejaculate harder, and their ejaculate contains more sperm.”
As for your wife’s restrictions—you can’t be there, she’ll share some details but not all—Ley thinks your wife is testing you. “She’s setting boundaries,” said Ley. “She wants to see how serious CUCK is, how he’s going to react. And she’s also establishing some level of independence. It’s her body and her sexuality too, after all.” Ley thinks you guys are coming at this from a good place. Your marriage is on the upswing, you’re talking about your desires openly and honestly, and you’re willing to compromise. “I’ve worked with couples who have made this fantasy and lifestyle work,” said Ley. “And the key component is communication, grounded by mutual trust and respect. If you pursue this, do it with honest communication on both your parts.”
You can follow Dr. Ley on Twitter at www.twitter.com/DrDavidLey/ .
I am a straight 19-year-old girl in college. I broke up with my boyfriend of several months a week before Valentine’s Day (a whole ’nother situation), and during that relationship, I met this other guy, one of his friends. This friend has been in a relationship for 2.5 years. But his girlfriend cheated on him, and now he has a free card to go fuck someone else. He wants that person to be me! We have fooled around some, but even though I am not looking for a relationship right now, I have reservations about fucking someone who is in a relationship, even if it’s on a Go Fuck Someone Else card. Advice?
Unless there are just two guys at your college—your ex and this dude with the Go Fuck Someone Else card—I would urge you to fuck someone else. This scenario has drama written all over it. Your ex will be pissed at you for fucking his friend, he’ll be pissed at his friend for fucking you, the friend’s girlfriend will be pissed at you for fucking her boyfriend—GFSE card or no GFSE card. Who needs that kind of grief? Find a hot student, RA, TA, or prof who isn’t in your circle and fuck him instead.
I’m a 25-year-old guy with a gender-neutral partner. We’ve been monogamous for about three years, and our GGG sex life is fantastic. One of our favourite things to do is for me to deep-throat their cock. It’s long and thick—definitely bigger than average—and I take pride in being able to fit it all the way down my throat. They sometimes fuck my throat, quite roughly at times. Is there a medical danger to deep-throating? Sometimes it makes my throat a little sore for a few days after. We’ve tried to stop deep-throating while we figure out if it’s dangerous or not. But when we get caught up in the moment, it’s just so hot that we can’t stop ourselves. What should we do? Could we be harming my throat?
> Two Wondering If Naughty Kink’s Safe
I could go find an expert for you, TWINKS, or search the medical literature. But if deep-throating were dangerous—if cocks were doing permanent damage to throats—I would’ve heard about it by now. An intense deep-throating session is physically taxing, and you feel it for a few days after. Snowboarding, which I’m off doing with husband and son this week, has the same effect on my legs. My advice: take it easy for a while after trashing your throat, just as I take it easy after trashing my legs.
Hear the Lovecast recorded live at Seattle’s Neptune Theatre on Valentine’s Day: find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) at www.straight.com/ . Email mail@savagelove.net . Follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/fakedansavage/ .
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There’s a new fetish in town: cuckolding.
Like an updated version of a threesome – it includes three people, but with a twist. There’s a husband, a wife and the man who has sex with her in front of the husband. Some of the husbands even want to be tied up, ordered around and humiliated as they watch.
Lately, I’ve been hearing whispers of new, secret fantasies among the men I know. They want to watch their female partners sleep with another man.
Google Trends showed a spike in searches for cuckolding in January this year.
And, according to a recent study by David Ley, Justin Lehmiller and Dan Savage, popularity for cuckolding is increasing.
Curious to find out more, I embarked on a mission to hear from men with first-hand experience of the rules of cuckolding.
I interviewed dozens of men, joined two cuckolding forums including Cuckold Forum Net, which has live chat rooms, and the sex app Whiplr.
Whiplr was an eye-opener. The app allows you to specify what your ‘kinks’ are and there’s a special cuckolding group with over 3,000 members. People were eager to share, and some offered more than just their expertise. Hello, dick pics.
The ‘cuck’ is the husband or boyfriend and the ‘bull’ is the man in charge. Husbands who also consider themselves feminised are known as ‘sissy cuckolds’. If you want to learn more about the s
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