Cuck Gone Wrong

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Cuck Gone Wrong
MAFS grooms talks about wife-swapping
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I lay on my bed and looked up at the ceiling as my new husband, Robert*, rolled off me.
Maybe we just need to practise, I told myself.
Robert was very prim and proper so we hadn't had sex before we'd got married.
We'd met when I was 19 and he was 23.
I didn't have much confidence and didn't think anyone would ask me to marry them so when Robert did, I said yes.
There was little chemistry between us but I assumed once we were man and wife our sex life would take off.
A year after our marriage we had a son, John, and five years later our daughter, Rachel, followed.
I wasn't happy in our marriage, but I didn't know any different.
Then we bought a plot of land to build our house and a year later met our new neighbours Rita and Terry.
Terry was short, dark and thickset, the complete opposite to my tall, fair husband.
Robert was a lecturer whereas Terry was a tradie.
Terry and Rita seemed a strange match.
While Terry's hands were usually covered in engine oil from tinkering with his car, Rita was always beautifully made up.
Rita and I became friends and we'd talk for hours over the back fence.
One day, another friend lent me a series of self-help books.
One chapter that stuck in my head was about couples who swapped partners – swinging.
I wondered what it would be like with another man.
I longed for someone to sweep me into his arms for a night of unbridled passion.
Next day, I passed the books over the fence to Rita: "These will open your eyes," I said.
Later that week, I was hanging out the washing when Rita appeared.
"Swinging sounds thrilling," she said, a sly smile creeping across her face.
Giggling, we agreed to ask our husbands what they thought.
Especially when Rita told me that Terry was up for it.
Three weeks later, out of the blue, Robert came home from work with an announcement.
"I've changed my mind," he said. "Let's give it a try."
Excited, Rita and I came up with a plan.
Our families would go on a two-week caravanning holiday together that summer.
The first week, Robert and Rita would have a day away together and the following week, it would be my turn to have some fun with Terry.
Each couple could do whatever they wanted but the rule was they weren't allowed to talk about it with their spouse afterwards.
We started inviting Rita and Terry to our house to play cards in the evenings, so we could get to know one another better.
Doing something so normal, while knowing what lay ahead, made us feel naughty and excited.
"I don't think I can wait until the summer," Rita confessed to me one afternoon.
She and Robert went to a hotel while Terry and I looked after the kids.
Once the little ones were in bed, Terry and I threw ourselves at each other.
Later that night, Robert wanted to know if anything had happened.
"We're not supposed to talk about it," I said.
But he kept asking and eventually I told him.
It turned out he and Rita had pulled over in the car and started kissing but at the last minute, Robert lost his nerve.
The following week, Terry and I went out to give Rita and Robert another chance and this time they ended up sleeping together.
Before long, the caravan holiday rolled around and Robert and Rita went off together to a nearby hotel.
They were supposed to come back before the kids went to bed, but as night fell there was no sign of them.
It was the 1970s so there were no mobile phones, all we could do was wait until they finally turned up late that evening.
The following day, we set off for a different campsite.
But Robert took a turn and wound up in hospital with sunstroke.
Although I was fond of him, I wasn't in love.
And just like that, our marriage was finished.
When we got home, Rita and Robert said we needed to talk.
"We've decided to give our relationship a go," Rita announced.
They said they were going to set up home together and all four children would live with them.
I'd never expected our holiday to end like this.
I didn't want to tell my parents what was going on, and without a job, I had no money to support myself and the children.
In the end, it was agreed that I would live with Terry temporarily, and my daughter Rachel would stay with us along with Terry's youngest daughter.
As I lay in bed that night in a filthy house, just next door to my lovely home, I sobbed uncontrollably.
It had all happened so quickly and now I was with a man I barely knew.
The next day, a bailiff came knocking at the door and I discovered Terry was in huge debt.
Over the next few months, I tried to make the best of a bad situation.
I got a job as a secretary and worked on my relationship with Terry.
Although I wasn't in love with him, the sex was incredible.
A year after the wife swap, Robert and Rita moved away.
Terry was extremely possessive, and we had furious arguments.
After living with him for seven years, I left him and moved back in with my parents with Rachel, who barely spoke to her father.
It's been 46 years and I still think about the wife swap and all the hurt it caused.
Although I didn't love Robert, we'd created a stable home.
But the swap split Rachel and her brother John up, and ruined her relationship with her dad.
I can't believe I risked the safety of our marriage for a single night of passion.
It's the greatest regret of my life.
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I just wanted to spice up my sex life, but as I lay in bed next to my neighbour I wondered what I'd done.
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Read Deidre’s personal replies to today’s problems
I THOUGHT it would be a real turn-on for me if my wife had sex with another man.
She agreed to do it, saying it was for me. Now I wish I could turn back the clock.
We have been married for four years. She’s 33, I am 30. I had read about this stupid idea and thought, like many men I guess, it would be fantastic.
I fixed up for her to meet this man through a hook-up website.
She has been sleeping with the guy for weeks now. He is 29. They always arrange to go to the same hotel.
She returns home next morning and tells me what they got up to. She always says the sex is brilliant.
She gets constant texts from him. When he messages her she cheers up and offers me favours to agree to her seeing him again.
I wish I could refuse and mean it but she knows how to get round me and always has.
I feel wretched every time her phone rings. I asked her how she feels about this guy.
She said she doesn’t love him but he is very well-endowed.
I wish I had never mentioned the idea. I almost had to push her into it to start with but now she gets moody when I ask her to stop seeing him.
She says that if I carry on being difficult about it we will probably split up. We have a lovely home, a good social life and jobs. I don’t want to lose any of those.
I love my wife dearly. I can’t sleep and I can’t eat. I can’t concentrate at work either. Why did I ever come up with the idea in the first place?
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let her comments about his physique get you down. Good sex isn’t just about inches. Keep telling your wife you love her and want to have a wonderful sex life with her. Work at that and your relationship generally.
My e-leaflets Thrilling A Woman In Bed and Looking After Your Relationship should help. Give it a while, then tell her she cannot continue having two men in her life, that you want her with you 100 per cent.
If you have made enough effort with your relationship and are firm enough that she has to choose, hopefully she will tell him it’s over.
If she won’t, I am afraid you have lost her anyway. That would be sad but you’re already unhappy. Continuing to share her indefinitely like this would wreck your self-esteem.
MY dad put a camera in the room where I slept when I visited him as a child. He sometimes climbed into bed beside me and I’d often wake to find him touching me under my nightie.
I am now a woman of 24. I have a partner but dare not tell him about this. He would go mental.
My parents split up when I was a baby. I was about 13 when I realised what he did was wrong and told my mum. She stopped me going there.
My dad now has a new girlfriend with a small daughter. What if he is messing with her too? Do I tell him I know what he did to me or do I tell someone close to him? I don’t want anything bad to happen to him but I need closure.
His girlfriend’s daughter has told me he goes to her room and tickles her back. He used to do that to me.
DEIDRE SAYS: I am sure you want to make sure this little girl doesn’t suffer as you did. Your dad’s girlfriend will have no idea of his history.
My e-leaflet Worried A Child Is At Risk? explains more but of course it feels scary to report him.
Start by talking in confidence to the NSPCC helpline ( nspcc.org.uk , 0808 800 5000).
Seeing this vulnerable child safe should help to give you the closure you need but in the meantime you can find understanding support through the National Association for People Abused in Childhood ( napac.org.uk , 0808 801 0331).
I FOUND a stack of my wife’s old mobile phone bills while going through some paperwork during a recent house move.
The bills went back six years or more and there were hundreds of text messages to the same number every month.
My wife is 33 and works part-time. I am 35. We have been married for eight years.
I did a bit of research and discovered that the person sending the messages was a male colleague of hers.
The nature of his work meant that he travelled about and that is when they texted one another.
I spoke to my wife about it and she just said this took place years ago and they sent messages to each other when they weren’t busy. Am I being paranoid?
Might she have been having an affair?
This is constantly on my mind and I find I keep checking up on her.
DEIDRE SAYS: If you and your wife get on well otherwise, accept her explanation and try to let the issue go.
Otherwise, you will be eaten up with jealousy and it will drive a wedge between you both.
Instead, try to focus on your relationship as it is now, especially its strengths.
Talk to your wife and figure out together whether any changes could be made.
This would be far more positive than brooding over what was probably trivial and a long time ago.
MY boyfriend is lovely and caring but our sex life, which was amazing at first, has started to crumble.
We have been together for a year. I am 30 and he is five years older. For six months now he hasn’t been staying hard when we have sex.
He said he would see the doctor but hasn’t. If I mention it he says he has a lot on his plate and can’t deal with the stress of sorting it out. It has been months since he has even pleasured me or wanted me to pleasure him.
He is going through a lot with his ex and I feel I am selfish if I mention it again.
I have been patient and haven’t even thought about sleeping with anyone else but I can’t survive like this.
DEIDRE SAYS: It isn’t selfish to want a fulfilling sex life.
Your boyfriend is feeling overwhelmed but ignoring the problem just adds to the stress he’s under. That in turn makes his erection problems worse.
Take the lead to get the two of you kissing and cuddling and touching again. Don’t aim for full sex, just build intimacy.
Make an appointment for him with his GP, as this could be a symptom of a health problem.
And my e-leaflet Solving Erection Problems might also be of help.
MY ex called round to collect our daughter, saw that I had put on a dress and done my hair and make-up, and automatically assumed I was meeting another man.
I was going for a drink and a chat with my sister, as I do every week, but he sent angry texts all evening insisting he’d bring our little girl back early. He slammed the door so hard when he arrived that he damaged it.
I made light of the incident for our daughter’s sake as she is only seven, but I am so stressed. I only get that one evening off each week. It is my one break.
My ex and I parted on bad terms. He is 40, I am 32.
If I don’t do as he says he threatens to tell Social Services that I am a bad mother.
He uses our daughter as a weapon to spite me but she is always bottom of his list of priorities.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right to try to keep the worst of the conflict from your little girl but she will be picking up on the tension.
Talk to your ex when she is not around. Say you want him to be involved with her as it is good for her to know she has a loving dad, but that you need better ground rules as you both need to lead your own lives.
Ask him to come with you for family mediation. You can find a family mediator through the Family Mediators Association ( thefma.co.uk , 01355 244 594).
My Kids In The Middle booklet can help too – download it at thesun.co.uk/kidsinthemiddle .
GOING through my dad’s papers after he died, I discovered he was adopted. He never told me and it’s made my grief over losing him even worse.
It feels as if I never really knew him.
He was 78 and his death was not unexpected as he had been very ill, but I am still trying to cope with the shock of losing him. I am 46 and his only son.
Through research, my sister and I have discovered his biological parents’ identities. It looks like his dad died and his mum couldn’t afford to keep him.
He wasn’t happy with his adoptive parents (as I now know they are) and they lost touch long before I was born. It’s so sad and I’m hurt he never shared this.
I am still grieving for my dad and uncovering this mystery seems to have made losing him worse.
The saddest thing is now it is too late to talk to him about it and understand why he kept this to himself.
DEIDRE SAYS: I can understand your hurt but he is the same person he always was – the dad you loved.
His generation were brought up to believe personal issues were best kept private and it was probably tied up with painful memories for him. You were part of his fresh, happier, start in life.
How you feel now is part of your grieving and you can get support for that through Cruse Bereavement Care ( cruse.org.uk , 0844 477 9400).
EVERY problem gets a free personal reply.
Email me here , private message me on Facebook , or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
You can also follow me on Twitter @deardeidre .
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"I got an asthma attack while giving him a blowjob, and his mom had to drive me to the hospital."
"Being the hungry bitch I am, I ate a big burrito before a hookup. He was huge, and he thrust his penis up in me while I was slowly easing down. Puke and shit came out of me at the same time . It covered him and the bed, and I ran to the bathroom, embarrassed. I never talked to him ever again."
"The first time I gave a blowjob was to a massive dick, and I literally had an asthma attack. I was 16 and my boyfriend was 17. Neither of us had our licenses yet, so we had to get his mom to drive us to urgent care because I didn't have my inhaler with me. When she asked what we were doing that caused the attack, he randomly blurted out that we were playing lacrosse. Neither of us had ever touched a lacrosse stick in our lives."
"My boyfriend has the biggest dick I've ever encountered. One time we ordered a pizza and decided to have a quickie in the living room before it arrived. It got pretty rough, so when he pulled out and went to RAM himself back in, he accidentally got the wrong hole. He made it about tip-deep into my virgin butt before the force caused his penis to bend.
"As we both cried in pain on the floor, DING DONG, the pizza guy was at the door . He had the perfect view of me crying and holding my ass, while my boyfriend was laughing and crying and clutching his dick. Poor pizza guy. We made sure to give him a good tip, though."
"I was really horny, so I drove 45 minutes to my ex's to have sex. The next morning, I realized I never took out my tampon. His penis was so big that it pushed the tampon up too far, and I couldn't get it out . I gave up after 30 minutes and called the guy, asking for a favor. I went to his work, locked the door, pulled out some medical gloves and a towel, and spread my legs on his desk so he could pull out the tampon. He fished around for 15 minutes and finally got it out."
"It was our first hookup. We were in bed, and I could tell he was big. No big deal — I've had a few; I could handle and enjoy it. Then I unleashed his beast, and the head of this monster was...gigantic! I couldn't fit him in my mouth, so we went right to sex with a LOT of lube. Nope. Just nope. He ripped my perineum and had to take me for stitches. We're still friends and still mess around, but that first time...ouch!"
"Right after graduating from high school, I was hooking up with an ex who was pure Italian. He had a massive Italian sausage. We were fooling around and it was getting intense. We switched to doggy-style, and I made the terrible mistake of yelling 'harder.' As he violently thrust his sausage into my ziti, he went so deep that I immediately puked everywhere. We never spoke again."
"I'm pretty well-endowed and have had a few guys throw up on me while trying to give me head. A few even refused sex after seeing me fully erect. The worst by far, however, happened because of my length and my Prince Albert piercing. Somehow, as I was getting undressed, my penis swung to the side and my piercing hooked on a belt loop . I didn't notice and gave my pants a yank. I dropped to my knees so fast and screamed like a baby."
"I'm gay and 99% a top, but for some reason I was really wanting to bottom one day. I texted my friend with benefits and invited him over. His dick was at least 9 inches and thick. He shoved his dick in my ass for the first time ever, and it literally tore my ass a little. I've never screamed and jumped up so fast in my life. It took a year to completely heal. Ouch!"
"I was hooking up with a guy for the first time in the shower, and things were getting very hot. Then he went so deep in
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