Crying Kink

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Crying Kink
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Paraphilia involving arousal from tears or crying
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^ Holmes, Ronald M. (5 November 2001). Sex Crimes: Patterns and Behavior . Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications. p. p . 244. ISBN 0-7619-2417-5 . OCLC 48883594 .

^ Aggrawal, Anil (2009). Forensic and Medico-legal Aspects of Sexual Crimes and Unususal Sexual Practices . Boca Raton: CRC Press. p. 373. ISBN 978-1-4200-4308-2 .

^ Greenhill, Richard; Griffiths, Mark (2016). "Sexual interest as performance, intellect and pathology: A critical discursive case study of dacryphilia" . Psychology & Sexuality . 7 (4): 265–278. doi : 10.1080/19419899.2016.1200118 . S2CID 148432017 . Retrieved 15 July 2021 .

^ "Definition/Meaning of dacryphilia" . EngYes . Retrieved 2019-05-10 .

^ Greenhill, Richard; Griffiths, Mark (2015). "Compassion, Dominance/Submission, and Curled Lips: A Thematic Analysis of Dacryphilic Experience" . International Journal of Sexual Health . 27 (3): 337–350. doi : 10.1080/19317611.2015.1013596 . S2CID 56210653 . Retrieved 15 July 2021 .

^ Mark D. Griffiths (14 January 2016). "Can Crying Be Sexually Arousing? A brief look at dacryphilia" . Psychology Today .


Dacryphilia (also known as dacrylagnia ) is a form of paraphilia in which one is aroused by tears or sobbing . [1] [2] [3]

The term comes from the Greek words dacry- meaning "tears", and philia meaning "love". [4]

Not much research has been conducted on dacryphilia, and the few studies that exist have been conducted online, often with small sample sizes. One 2014 study interviewed six people with dacryphilia and three of them were also involved in BDSM . [5] The paraphilia may also be experienced by those who do not consider themselves a dominant or submissive, and are motivated by compassion. They may be aroused when their partner cries during a movie or from the normal emotional vulnerability and strong feelings of love that may make a partner cry during intercourse. [6]

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For people with dacryphilia, "cry me a river" is a pick-up line.
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Do tears make you wet—and not on your face? If watery eyes or heaving sobs get you hot and bothered, you're not alone: On Crying Lovers , an online forum, people with a crying fetish, or dacryphilia, are able to meet and share their passion for lacrymal events. The site boasts hundreds of users, who link non-pornographic video clips and photographs of trembling faces as well as real-life voyeuristic observations, or "obs," with the group.
"Truffle," a 24-year-old American graduate student, wrote on Crying Lovers, "A nurse at my place of work was sitting in a call room, reading something on her computer. I only caught a glimpse as I was walking by. She is Chinese, late thirties with short hair and glasses. Her mouth was contorted but not curled. I heard a quiet sob the moment I had passed her door."
"Reptongeek" from North Yorkshire, England, replied, "I need a real life observation like [this] so bad! I've resorted to asking certain female co-workers if they want to have a staring contest to see if they cry, but it never works."
Truffle admits to making people cry on purpose. "Only if they're already close to crying, though. I just don't try too hard to stop them from crying. Have you ever hugged someone who's about to cry? That's the surest way to tip them over the edge," she said over email. "When I do this, though, I always make sure to make them laugh, or comfort them in some way. Otherwise I'd be exploiting them, right?"
For the most part, the users' crying observations are a mixture of sweet and creepy. "I guess there are some people who don't get to see that much crying in real life, and they get some vicarious pleasure in hearing others talk about it," said Truffle. "I happen to see a lot of it, as I cry easily, as do many of my friends and family members. Some people, especially the guys on the forum, seem to get sexually aroused just by reading about other people crying. One person has told me that they would rather read crying observations than actually watch erotic videos."
Attraction to crying, or dacryphilia, is one of the lesser-researched areas of non-normative sexual interest. The first empirical study of dacryphilia , by psychologists Richard Greenhill and Mark D. Griffiths of Nottingham Trent University, was published in March 2015. They concluded that there are three thematic areas of the fetish: compassion, curled lips, and dominance/submission.
Half of the study's participants identified compassion as the source of their dacryphilia. Those participants, all women, were "aroused by the compassion of comforting the crier." They expressed a common fantasy about meeting someone who's had a "hard life" and being able to comfort them.
Have you ever hugged someone who's about to cry? That's the surest way to tip them over the edge.
Many of the women in Greenhill and Griffiths' study are turned on by the "subversion" of gender norms that occurs when men cry. In films and TV shows, crying is often used to show the protagonist male's vulnerable side. From Tim Riggins tearing up when his best friend moves away to Marlon Brando screaming, "Hey, Stella," this romantic trope shows that crying men will melt into the arms of empathetic women.
It's worth evaluating whether dacryphilia reinforces gender roles rather than subverts them: When women cry, they're being hysterical; when men cry, they're heroes. In fact, a 2010 study about chemosignals of human tears revealed that men are, biologically, turned off by female tears. After sniffing odorless female tears, men reported reduced sexual attraction to photographs of women's faces. They also had lower sexual arousal and levels of testosterone.
Psychologist Ad Vingerhoets of Tilburg University—who wasn't involved in the study but who also studies human tears—told NPR that he believes that the primary effect female crying has on men is not reduced testosterone. Instead, he points to the increase in oxytocin, "the hormone that promotes social bonding and caregiving."
When women cry, men are biologically programmed to act as caretakers rather than sexual aggressors, he argued. The power of empathy is essential for intimate relationships and high-functioning social systems. Jesse Bering, director of the Institute of Cognition and Culture at Belfast University, says in NPR's " Teary-Eyed Evolution: Crying Serves a Purpose " that crying keeps communities and couples strong. In social evolution, good criers are powerful people.
On Crying Lovers, men tend to post about the attraction to crying's physicality rather than the emotional context in which the tears occur. Truffle provided examples of this behavior. She wrote, "One [male] member has a fixation on crying women's lips. Another likes the movement that women's necks make when they sob. Several others like the running tears."
Our teacher was reading Where the Red Fern Grows to the class and all the girls were crying. I was mesmerized.
A male participant in the Greenhill and Griffiths' study, who also serves as an admin on the Crying Lovers forum under the username "TorNorth," told the researchers that he's primarily attracted to "curled lips." In an interview for the study, he says that he likes the "protruding, curling, contorting or bulging of the bottom lip when women cry."
For TorNorth, the attraction isn't specifically related to tears. Although it's a rare example in the study (the majority of participants are women turned on because of their compassion), his fixation makes sense when you consider the reported biological effect of female tears on men: If a man doesn't experience reduced sex drive, and instead fetishizes crying women, he could possibly be going against nature's intent.
In general, men should get a release of oxytocin when they see a crying woman, according to Vingerhoet's research. They should want to help her, not take sexual pleasure from her. Does this mean that sadistic dacryphilia in men runs against biological nature?
Then again, there's an alternative scenario, wherein a crying woman attracts the male partner because she has the intention of being comforted by sex, and now we're in Greenhill and Griffiths' "dominance/submission" thematic category.
In this category, participants were aroused by "either causing tears in a consenting submissive individual or by being made to cry by a consenting dominant individual." As opposed to compassionate dacryphilia, this type makes less of a distinction between emotional and physical causes for tears. "Ulrlshtar" a 24-year-old Belgian participant in the study from collarchat.com , said that she enjoys being dominated either mentally/emotionally or physically/masochistically until she can't hold back tears. Tears became a secondary component, more indicative of successful BDSM to her.
Truffle first realized that she was turned on by crying in the fourth grade. "Our teacher was reading Where the Red Fern Grows to the class and all the girls were crying. I was mesmerized. The girl sitting next to me had huge glistening tears sliding down her cheeks the entire time and I couldn't tear my eyes away," she recalled. "First crush."
Whether it's compassion, curled lips or classic BDSM, dacryphilia is a fetish that reveals the complex relationship between crying, sex, men, and women. It's biologically indicative of how crying keeps society safe and functional. We need tears. Crying promotes empathy in the world. And if it's a really good cry, you could be featured as an observation on Crying Lovers, the sexiest message board about sadness.
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Sophie Saint Thomas is a New York-based writer originally from the Caribbean. She is Allure ’s resident astrologer and the author of Finding Your Higher Self: Your Guide to Cannabis for Self-Care (Adams Media), a guide to self-care and marijuana, and [*Sex Witch: Magickal Spells for Love, Lust, and... Read more
The term "fetish" may evoke images of black bodysuits and complicated sexual contraptions , but you may already be acting out some of the most common examples. ( Spanking , anyone?) What defines a fetish isn't what the activity or object of desire is so much as the role it plays in someone's life. "A fetish is typically referred to as behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. Fetishes can also be a term people use to describe sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object," says sexologist and psychologist Denise Renye .
While people often use the terms "fetish" and "kink" interchangeably, a kink means an activity or behavior that someone enjoys that exists outside the "norm" of "traditional" sex, such as incorporating handcuffs or even balloons . Think of the differences this way: If someone's kink is bondage, they probably get incredibly excited when they're tied up. If someone has a bondage fetish , their entire sexuality may revolve around restraint. (There's also the category of turn-ons: things that simply arouse a person.) 
When we think of kink, we often think of BDSM, which involves an erotic power exchange through dominance and submission. BDSM is kinky, but not all kinks fall under the BDSM umbrella. Renye adds that people often have more than one kink or one fetish, and there is often overlap: For instance, someone may engage in spanking as part of a role-playing scenario in which one partner is dressed up as a schoolgirl and the other like a professor. In such an instance, the scenario would involve role-play, impact play, and even age play.
Research suggests that perhaps half of us are interested in sexual activities outside the "norm," so if you're interested in trying any of the following, rest assured you're not alone. And of course, with any type of sex, acting on fetishes or kinks should always involve enthusiastic consent from all parties and safer sex practices, such as the use of condoms , to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs. You never have to try anything that's not attractive to you, but please refrain from kink shaming others. Remember, we're trying to dismantle sexual shame . 
Ready to dive in? Here's a list of some of the most common fetishes and what they entail. 
Impact play means spanking, flogging, paddling, and other forms of consensual striking. Spanking is often an easy and safe BDSM entry point that leads to exploring more, such as purchasing a crop to use with a partner. Impact play can range from a light slap on the bum to a crack of the whip.
As with any kink or fetish, it's important to negotiate boundaries beforehand. "Safety and comfort are the most important aspects of kink," says Renye. Do your homework before practicing impact play. Discuss the level of intensity you enjoy (or your partner enjoys), choose a safe word to shut down the action on a dime if need be, and learn what parts of the body are safe to impact. Stick with the meatier areas, like the ass and thighs, and avoid less protected areas where organs live, like the lower back. 
You don't have to stop playing make-believe when you grow up. Role-playing means acting out a sexual fantasy with your partner(s), either once or as part of an ongoing fantasy. While it can be a fetish or kink within itself, it's also a healthy way to act out other fantasies. For instance, if you have a medical fantasy and are aroused by doctors, you probably don't actually want your doctor to get sexy with you, because that would be creepy and abusive. The beauty of role-playing is that you can have your partner dress up as a doctor and indulge your fantasy consensually in your own home.
A foot fetish involves a desire to worship feet through acts such as massage, kissing, and smelling. As professional dominatrix Goddess Aviva previously told Allure , it's an extremely common fetish. If your partner shares that they have a foot fetish, it may be initially jarring, but it's an opportunity for you to discuss a potentially exciting new part of your sex life together. (And, if you're into it, just think of all the foot massages headed your way!)
You don't need to have an anal fetish to engage in anal sex, but plenty of people do specifically get off on butt stuff. Anal play can range from adding a finger in the ass during penetrative vaginal sex to using butt plugs to having anal sex with a penis or a dildo.
While anal sex can be safe and wonderful, there is some prep work involved. Since the butthole is not self-lubricating and harbors bacteria that can lead to infection if transferred to the vagina, it’s important to stock up on lube and read up on ass etiquette before engaging in anal play. That includes safer sex precautions such as condom use . Start small and go slow, using fingers, anal toys, and plenty of lube before moving up to larger objects such as dildos or a penis. 
Renye says that one of the most common fetishes centers on something that may be sitting inside your dresser right now: lingerie . "[This] may show up in sexual play between and among individuals who may not even consider themselves kinky or to have a fetish (or two or three)," she says. Again, while many people get aroused by sexy underwear, lingerie becomes a fetish when someone needs it to be present in a sexual scenario in order to fully engage or get off. 
Group sex is getting it on with more than one person. If you've ever swiped on Tinder, you're likely aware that many couples are searching for a third, although group sex can mean more than just a threesome. An orgy is when a group of people of all genders have sex, while a " gang bang " typically refers to one person having sex with more than two members of another gender (while the term can have violent connotations, it's also used in the kink community to refer to consensual scenarios). 
Sensation play can refer to a huge range of activities based on the receiving or withholding of different stimuli. For instance, one partner may blindfold the other to deprive them of their sense of sight, a form of sensory deprivation, or they may drag an ice cube along their skin, a form of sensation play known as temperature play. 
Edging, in which the submissive partner is brought to the brink of climax and then forced to stop — often done repeatedly — is an example of orgasm control. The idea here is that for as long as you like, you let your partner take the reins and determine when and how you come. As with all of the activities here, anyone can engage in orgasm control regardless of their genitalia.
Bondage is when one partner restrains the other. You can bind your partner using objects you already have around, such as a belt, or purchase specialty kink items like handcuffs or hair accessories-turned-wrist ties. To engage in restraint play safely, establish boundaries and a safe word, emphasize consent and communication at every step, and start slow. 
Some of the most intense sexual play takes place in the mind. Renye refers to psychological power play — a type of BDSM — as "mind control." Psychological play involves implementing a sexual power exchange: Humiliation play, for example, might involve a submissive partner getting off on being called names. Consensual threats are an example of psychological play; one example is a domme warning a male submissive with a foot fetish that he'll have to lick her feet if he doesn't fall in line and do exactly as she says.
Voyeurism — or obtaining sexual pleasure from watching others who are naked or having sex — is more common than you'd think. Of course, as with every other fetish, engage in voyeurism consensually, for example at a sex party where a couple has given you permission to watch; watching someone without their permission is never acceptable. The flip side of voyeurism is exhibitionism, which means achieving sexual pleasure by allowing others to watch you. It's the sexual enjoyment of showing off. If you like to get down at a sex party, in public spaces, or even at home with the curtains open, you may be an exhibitionist. 
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