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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Send your questions for Stoya and Rich to howtodoit@slate.com .
I’m a 20s cis woman who either doesn’t orgasm or has really weak orgasms, possibly due to a medication I take. I’ve never had an unequivocal, earth-shattering orgasm, but I enjoy sex anyway. Sometimes a particularly thorough boyfriend or a vibrator will get me feeling way better than usual, and the sensation builds up almost painfully. Usually I back off, but today, I didn’t. I kept masturbating until I felt like I could release, but that release turned out to be … me peeing myself. And no, I wasn’t into it. I know some women “squirt,” but I didn’t experience euphoria and delight. I just felt turned off and a need to wash the sheets—unless coming is the exact same sensation as urinating and everyone’s been lying this whole time. I didn’t have a particularly full bladder before I started. What gives?
I can’t tell you what gives. You need to see at least one, if not two, doctors. First, you’ll want to speak with whoever prescribed this medication that may possibly be interfering with your orgasms. You should report this potential side effect, and if orgasms are important to you, you may want to ask about alternatives.
The other doctor you should see is a gynecologist. She can do an exam, ask all sorts of questions, and use her bucketloads of medical training to help you figure out what’s going on.
As for squirting, some women love it. Others resent it for various reasons—cleanup, pain, having to explain to partners. We still don’t have a firm answer on whether female ejaculate is pee ; some studies say it’s something else, while others have been done saying that yep, it’s totally pee.
While you’re waiting for these doctor appointments, you can experiment with your own two hands or a vibrator and collect data. Try getting up to pee just before you have an orgasm. Does fluid still come out? That’ll be useful information for your doctors.
And a note on orgasms: We’re conditioned to expect these earth-shattering waves breaking over one’s body, and that isn’t necessarily the case for everyone. If we expect fireworks all the time, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment when all we get is a tiny splash. Try to focus on the sexual pleasure you do get, not what you imagine you should.
I’m a divorced straight man in my mid-50s. Since the divorce I’ve had a series of relationships (less than one a year) that have all come to an end within a few months. In each case I’ve never developed deep feelings, and the relationship always ends because she can feel that, or I can’t live up to the pressure of trying to meet the emotional needs of someone I’m not in love with. The reason I get into these relationships is that while I have a deep-seated need for touch and physical affection, I don’t really need anything else. But I do need that, and it drives me to find the next one. Mind you, I want each relationship to be the one, forever. But I’ve come to recognize that my odds of forming a relationship with someone I can really love are small, and I’m tired of hurting women, and tired of the emotional investment I need to put in to start a relationship to have it end.
Maybe someday the magic will happen, but I no longer expect it, and I just can’t bring myself to make that first move on a dating site anymore. In the meantime, I need an alternative to get the intimacy I can’t seem to live without. It’s not even sex; it’s just to have someone touch me, and someone to touch. I’d like to consider sex workers, but there are so many stories about how women are coerced into these roles that I can’t in good conscience go that way. Or can I? Is there a safe way to arrange transactions for physical intimacy where I can know the other person is truly a willing and unexploited participant?
Americans benefit every day from labor that is exploitative. So we need to draw a distinction between “acceptable” exploitation (someone providing a service, and someone profiting from it) and unacceptable exploitation (physical force or emotional manipulation). I wouldn’t think of sex work any differently.
Be clear about what you’re after. There’s no shame in seeing a sex worker for some PG snuggles. Treat your provider like you would any skilled service worker you hire—a construction worker, a lawyer, an accountant—and you’ll do OK.
One way you can address your worries is to stick to your provider’s boundaries—whatever they may be—and compensate her properly for the job without haggling. Don’t question whether the providers you see really enjoy their work, really enjoy their time with you, or really enjoy some other specific detail. If you must ask, you should prepare yourself to believe what the worker tells you about their willingness to participate in your sessions.
A sex worker–led website might be a good place for you to start educating yourself about what sex work is like and how sex workers are misrepresented in the media. My own website, ZeroSpaces.com , has two preview pieces up from sex workers of various sorts. You might check out Morrigan Eris’ essay “Meow” for a trip behind the scenes at a legal Nevada brothel.
Remember, most sex workers are trying to navigate our society as best they can. Sometimes we don’t like our jobs. Sometimes that’s because the system needs to change, and sometimes that’s because we’re experiencing burnout. Just like any other worker.
My wife and I decided a year ago that we won’t be having kids. Every form of birth control we’ve tried hasn’t worked out for various reasons. So basically we’ve just had “outercourse” for the past year. No penetration. Well, in a few weeks I’ll be getting a vasectomy. After I heal and have a confirmed zero sperm count, we plan on getting back to the good old days of penetrative sex. Do you have any advice for us as we relearn how to do it?
Congratulations! As various states in the U.S. make it more difficult for people with uteruses to access abortions, you’re doing the sensible thing—taking responsibility for your own baby juice. Bravo. You deserve a round of applause, as does anyone else with a penis undergoing the same procedure.
I think you’ll find that penetrative sex is like riding a bicycle: There’s a lot to balance, but your body tends to remember more than you might think it will. If you’re used to condoms and planning on forgoing them, you might find yourself more sensitive than in the past. Time and experience are the fixes for that, unless your wife is the sort of person to find early ejaculation somewhere between charming and erotic, in which case you’re already more than fine.
“Relearning” is definitely one way of looking at this situation. But I’d like to encourage you to do a little bit of reframing here; you and your wife have the opportunity to get to know each other’s genitals all over again. With pleasure as your navigation tool, you get to explore all the spots, angles, and techniques you can imagine. Enjoy yourselves. Keep notes if you’re feeling scientific. Focus on each other and express yourselves with your bodies. You’ll be great.
I’m a bisexual woman in her mid-20s living in the Deep South with zero dating experience. I have kissed three people total in life that have varied in intensity, but I’m still a virgin. I ultimately want to be in a relationship, but because of the high stresses in my life currently, I want to have sex without one. The thing is, the few people I’m out to in my life have encouraged me to seek straight sexual relationships. I want to have sex with men and women! Dating apps are hard to navigate, but I’m willing to try. I just can’t seem to decide how I should go about dating and sex.
That should word … as if there’s some template for new-bis to follow, or a map of queerness. The word should makes me twitch, but that isn’t going to stop me from using it on you: You should date and have sex in exactly the way that feels best for you.
You’re going to have to work that out for yourself. You’re probably going to make mistakes, and you might make some that stick with you. You’ll probably find yourself in uncomfortable positions at times, and you’ll need to navigate them. You’ll have to set your boundaries. You’ll try things you aren’t sure about, and you might like some of them.
Your friends who are encouraging you to date people of the opposite gender may be concerned about the stigma surrounding LGBTQ people. Passing is a privilege, and you’ll have to decide for yourself what the risk/benefit of being out is. If your area has LGBTQ meetups, it might be worth stopping by to meet some people in person. And there are always the dating apps and sites. Consider trying a few until you find what works for you.
Be upfront about what you’re looking for; from your letter, it sounds like you’re looking for hookups. Be cautious with whom you give your number to, and let a friend know whom you’re meeting, where your date is, and what time they should expect you to check in by. Remember that you can always slow things down if you get uncomfortable, you can always leave a date, and you can always block a number.
My new husband and I enjoy very rough sex. Unfortunately—in spite of efforts to keep quiet—my 12-year-old daughter overheard us. I got called in for a private meeting with her teacher outside of school hours. She told me my daughter heard her stepfather slapping me and was extremely upset. I was completely taken aback, not to mention embarrassed beyond belief, and couldn’t think of anything other than mutter that I was fine and everything was fine at home. Of course, this only made the teacher believe I was trying to cover up the “abuse” and told me repeatedly she was there to help when I was ready. I know I can’t just let my daughter continue believing her mother is being abused, and I really don’t want this kind teacher to be concerned over a complete misunderstanding. I just don’t know how to begin. Please help.
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为什么英美人喜欢说「Fuck you」，而不说「Fuck your mother」？
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百度一搜就有我不过就是罗列一下而已文字全都是复制粘贴原链也给出了
脏话不能直译，这是学习外语的一大原则。如果硬要直译，那么说出来的就是不中不英，不伦不类的脏话。所以我们要做的，就是学懂在适当的时候说适当的脏话。
“操你妈”的英文怎样说? Fuck your mother 可以吗? 当然不可以。中英文截然不同，不可照字直译。要说“操你妈”，简单一句 Fuck you 便可。这不代表老外比我们厚道，而是英文里没有 Fuck your mother，却有 Motherfucker。不干人家的妈，却叫人家干自己的妈，比中文的“操你妈”更加不堪入耳。
又如，"Son of a bitch"就是狗娘养的。而这只母狗，可以是世上任何一只，这就是语法上的概念“不指定”(indefinite)。所以不用“定冠词”the，而用 “ 不定冠词 ”a。
由此看来，初学外语脏话，切忌自由创作。英文中的粗口大都约定俗成，来来去去几十个说法，自由创作的空间不多。没学好就乱用，肯定会贻笑大方。
骂人也可以用隐晦的词语。有人觉得 funk，shit太粗俗，但又想宣泄情感，就可以用"the F word"，"EFF"，"Frickin"等等替代。
Shit!可说成 Crap! Bullshit可说成 Bullcrap等等。
Fuck一字的用法千变万化，它集各种词性于一身：即是动词，也是名词和感叹词；加上-ing更摇身一变成为百搭的形容词和副词。很多英文日常短语都可以用 fucking 加强语气，例如：
None of your business.可说成 None of your fucking business.
fuck up：把事情弄得一团糟，把人弄得头昏脑涨东西弄得一团糟。可以用委婉的screw up替代，更为文明的说法是mess up。
男人被女友甩后便一蹶不振，就可以说：The relationship totally fucked him up.
也可以用被动态表达：He was totally fucked up.
把 fuck和up結合，组成了名词 fuckup 。可以用此称呼经常 fuck up 事情的人：He's such a fuckup. He fucks up everything.
piss off 和 bugger off也有这个意思，只不过fuck off更加粗俗，所以用时要特别小心。Fuck off的两个字都是重音，全要重读，清fuck重off，或是轻off重fuck都不能接受。
Fuck all是英国人的粗话，意思和nothing相同，是个代名词(pronoun)。所有含nothing的句子都可用fuck all取代。例如：
1. I know nothing. 可说成 I know fuck all.
2. I did nothing today. 可说成 I did fuck all today.
3. I have nothing to say. 可说成 I have fuck all to say.
Shit是不可数名词Uncountable，所以不能说a shit。讲屎时，一个shit就足够了。若真要指明某个单位或数量的屎，就要和其他uncountable nouns一样，用量词Quantifier。一条屎就是a piece of shit，一堆屎就是a pile of shit。
当然，shit除了“屎”的意思，也有“废物”， “废人”，“贱人”的意思。
例如，I almost stepped on a pile of dog shit!
字面意思就是：我差点就踩到了一堆狗屎。象征意思就是：He's a piece of shit. 他是个废物/贱人。
很多人只知道shit的感叹词用法，用以表达愤怒或不满之情："Shit!"。其实，shit还有不同的用法和组合。
直译是“神圣的屎”。当你发现了一些出人意料的事情，不论是喜是忧，都可以说Holy shit!
例如，惊喜是可以说："Holy shit! I got an A for English!"
震惊的时候可以说："Holy shit! I forgot to get my keys."
如果觉得shit太粗俗，可以隐晦地说："Holy cow!"，意思相同，却避免了说脏话。
非常形象的英语。试想深陷大便之中的情形，果真是糟糕至极。较文雅的替代说法是：in big trouble.
这些字都代表一个人因为太专注某件事而看起来不太正常, 而并非不聪明的呆,
如书呆子, 计算机怪胎等, 这几个字可以交换使用. 其中 nerd , geek 和 dork
Chicken 大家都应该蛮熟悉的, 而 wuss 和 wimp 也是骂人胆小鬼的意思.
Bitch 是用来骂女生的, 不要乱用, 因为这跟骂人妓女没啥二样. 但 Bitch
这个字是从 weird 怪异演变而来的, 就是指像科学怪人那样怪怪的人,
记得刚来美国, 有人收到一封信, "Are you nut? " 结果他还跑来问我,
人家为什么问我是不是核果 (nut)? 不是令人啼笑皆非吗? 还好他先确认一下,
变态都知道什么意思吧! 另外, 色狼或是色鬼也可以用 Pervert.
Asshole/bunhole/asslicker/cuntlicker/pussylicker/asswiper/punkass/buttface/b
这个字在一些社会写实的电视或电影我想是蛮常见的吧. 除了 asshole
常见之外, 我还列出了许多骂人的字, 大部份都是跟 ass 或是 licker 有关.
前二个意思都很明确, 就是白痴, 智障, 低能儿的意思, 而 retard 指的是
mentally retard, 心智障碍, 而 retarded 则是对于低智商的人较正式的说法.
这二个字可有意思, 一个是 queen 看来不错, 一个是 butt, 可是这二个字加
12. Jerk/doofus/dipstick/dipshit 混蛋
这几个字字典应该都查不到吧! 都是标准的美国俚语, 意思跟 Asshole 很接近.
13. Bum/loser/double loser/two time loser 鳖三
不过狐假虎而已.而 double loser 自然又比 loser 程度上要来的更鳖一点.
原意指生物学上突变, 可以用来骂一个人很畸形. 例如有人一个月都不洗澡,
1. dork 呆子，呆瓜；当一个人做了某些傻事的时候，就可以骂他dork，虽然是呆子的意思，但实际上并不是说他智力低下，有时在情侣间，一方做错了某事，也咳说 dork来责怪他，有“真傻”的意思。
2. nerd/geek 讨厌鬼 nerd表示“讨厌的人”也有“蠢货”的意思，和dork类似；geek是“讨厌鬼”，两个词的用法大同小异。
3. dammit 该死，真该死；直接说 damn 也可以，另外还常说damn it all！见鬼！真糟糕! 真气死人!
4. fuck you；这个词是英语骂人里最重的一个，而且很不雅观，不建议（经常）使用，特别是女孩子，会让人觉得很没教养。She is the first one who speak out “fuck” from her little pink tone. 这是很经典的一本小说Summer Sister里的一句话，形容了女主角之一的性格。
5. dirty … 脏的、卑鄙的、下流的、猥的；只是这一个词还不能称之为骂人，但后面接上一些词就不同了，例如dirty lier 卑鄙的骗子（今年Oscar获奖影片Chicago中女主角愤怒至极，开枪的一瞬间喊的就是U dirty lier!);还有一个很恶心，但很常用的组合就是dirty asshole,关于它的中文翻译是什么我就不在这里详述了，ass是什么hole是什么，像中文一样那么一组合，自然就知道骂的是什么了。
6. bitch 泼妇,妇，贱人；这是英语骂人Top10里唯一一个分公、母的，是不是由于妇女解放运动才有这个词的呢，呵呵，开玩笑。但现在英语里仿佛雌雄分的越来越清楚了，大家在动物等词的前面加上了he/she来区分雌雄，例如用she-dog,she-cat形容母的。如果想用分雌雄的词骂男的，只能用 jackass了，意思是“公驴；笨蛋；傻瓜”例如：The silly jackass!这个蠢驴！
7. phycho 神经病；形容一个人的行为反常，不正常的令人讨厌的意思。美语里还常说 freak ,意思是怪人、行为怪异。
8. shit 狗屁，胡说八道；用于表示惊奇、愤怒或极其不高兴等情感，是很常用的脏字。 eg. You big shit!你这个大笨蛋!
9. dense/stupid/foolish 傻瓜；dense是笨的理解力慢的、笨脑瓜的， stupid 和dense意思很类似,但平时更常用stupid,因为stupid只是说人做了傻事，并没有贬低他人智商的意思，但是 dense 和foolish就有智障的意思了。
10.bastard 混蛋, 讨厌鬼；很常用的一个词，原来的意思是“私生子”，现在俚语里当“混蛋”用，但有时两个朋友开玩笑的时候也可当“家伙”来理解，并不一定是骂人哦。
中国人常用“骂人不带一个脏字”来形容那些会骂人又刻薄的人。在英语中，我们反感那些以P、以D开头的肮脏字眼！而对于处于极度愤怒中的人来说难免也需要口头发泄发泄，但为了避免那种引人反感且自我反感的脏话，他们也许可以从下面的语言表达中学到点什么……
当别人做了蠢事时,你可以说,“Don't be stupid！”或“Don't be silly.”但这是非常不礼貌的说法。客气一点的说法就是：Wise up！你也可以用尖酸刻薄的语气说：Wise up, please.然后故意把please的尾音拉得长长的。
2，Put up or shut up.要么你就去做，不然就给我闭嘴。
要注意的是，Put up字典上查不到“自己去做”的意思,但口语表达则有此意。
3，You eat with that mouth？你是用这张嘴吃饭的吗？
别人对你说脏话,你就回敬他这句,言下之意是你的嘴那么脏,你还用它吃饭？还有一种说法：“You kiss your mother with that mouth？”你用这张脏嘴亲你妈妈吗？
所以下次记得如果有老外对你说脏话,不要再骂回去,保持风度,说一句,“You eat with that mouth？”就扯平了。
5，Don't you dare！How dare you！你好大的胆子啊！
这句话可以在两种场合说,第一种是很严肃的场合,如小孩子很调皮,不听话，父母就会说,“Don't you dare！”意思是你给我当心点,不然等会就要挨打了。另一种场合是开玩笑,如有人说他要跟某网友约会,你说“Don't you dare？”就有点开玩笑的语气，你不怕被恐龙给吃了吗？
通常当我讲这句话时，我还会想到一个字“bossy”，像是老板一样,喜欢指挥别人。如：“You are so bossy. I Don't like that.”这句话也可以单讲,“Don't push me.”或“Don't push me any further.”。
7，You want to step outside？You want to take this outside?想到外去单挑吗？
老美跟我们一样, 要是二个人一言不合吵起来了, 可能就有人要说这一句了. 指的就是要不要出去打架啦. 还有一些我听过类似的用法, 例如, “Do you want to pick a fight?”你要挑起争端吗? 或是 “This means war.” 这就意谓着跟我宣战.
这句话是形容一个人没教养, 但是是比较开玩笑的语气. 比如说有人坐没坐像, 你就可以对他说这一句. Barn 原指谷仓. 我翻成乡下比较能跟中文的意思结合. 老美常用 barn 或是 backyard 来形容一个人没有教养或是没有文化, 像是那天在电视上听到一句, “No backyard language in my house.” 就是说, 在我的家里不准讲粗话.
要是有人跟你说 “Do you want to step outside?”, 就回他这一句吧. 意思是说, 是喔… 那你找了多少人马要来打架啊? 有时候电视里出现这句对白的时候, 还会打出一排军队的计算机动画, 非常地有意思.
还有一句话也很好玩, 叫 “Who’s side are you on?” 这就是在快要打架时, 你问人家说,你到底是站在哪一边的?
10. I’m so fed up with your BS. Cut the crap.
例句：Move your ass out of your chair!（系你张凳到同我死Q开）
Asshole：广州话--扑街，含家产，打靶仔…… 普通话--混蛋，混球……
用法：用于闹人的。此词是一个合成词，由上面的ass和hole合成。可以这样记：屎忽（ass）+咙（hole）=屎忽咙，引申为扑街。
A-hole：此词用法同上一个差唔多，只不过系一个简化。这样比较有点避忌而已，其实无咩分别
词组：son of a bitch（普通话--狗娘养的广州话--参考asshole的翻译）这个词组可以单独使用。
例句：She ain't my sister,damn it!(她不是我家姐，叼你）
例句：Such a fucking asshole!(一只扑街含家产）
You fucking bitch,get the hell outta here!（你只含家产，死春开！）
用法：可参考“asshole“，其实这两个词都差不多，用起来，不过motherfucker用起来语气更重
用法：就甘单独用无乜特别，不过都几通俗吓，一般连埋词组piss off一起用。
用法：可以参考damn it的用法，这个词用得几广泛下。不可以作形容词修饰
这个吵架的逻辑其实很幼稚：你操了我妈，你就或多或少地做了我爸。那为了打败你，我只好奋力挖坟、不顾尸臭地去操你的祖宗，这样我才能或多或少地也做你的祖宗，凌驾于你爸之上。胃口好的话，有些人愿意操到对方祖宗十八代。以每代间隔三十年来算的话，挖坟要挖到明朝的坟去，才能完成这件事。只为了跟一个讨厌鬼斗嘴，竟然发了这么大的愿，愿意一路奸尸，奸到明朝的干尸身上，也真算是发了宏愿了。
这样斗嘴有赢家吗？如果我是评审，一定判你输，除非你现场表演给我看，还要我看得下去才行。
中国人这种一心要当别人的爸爸、当别人祖宗的心，我很少在别的文化里看到。美国同学偶尔在生活中开玩笑，会在你诉苦撒娇的时候，吃豆腐地说：“好了好了，乖，过来爹地抱抱。”但我真的还没看过用英文或日文吵架，吵到脸红脖子粗的时候，会来上一句“我操你奶奶”的。如果真的用英文或日文来上这么一句，我想对方会暂时静止三秒，想象一下你描述的那件事的情景，然后吐出来吧。（但对方的祖奶奶，如果托你的福仍然健在的话，应该会很承你的情，受宠若惊吧。）
日本的色情文化发展蓬勃，但日文的脏话里，并不动用跟“性”有关的动词或名词，日文既不用那个最有力的动词当口头禅，也不用相关器官、液体的名词来骂人。原因我还没找出来。也许日本文化觉得性行为和性器官都给人带来很多快乐，如果在吵架的时候，莫名其妙地用在对方身上，只能徒然“嘉惠”对方而已吧。如果洋派一点的日本人，现在会直接用英文里那个“F”开头的、四个字母的动词了。确实英文的脏话里，性行为和性器官都大量出现，但是使用这些字眼的出发点，却和中文不同。
英文脏话用到“F”字时，是直接攻击你本人、征服你本人，不是为了要变成你爸爸或你祖宗。英文吵架，如果为了羞辱你，会叫你“亲我的屁股”或者“滚回去搞你自己吧”。这两件事，放进日文恐怕也会失去杀伤力，再度沦为两件令人开心的事。虽然英文脏话，很遗憾的，和中文脏话一样，也没有放过我们大家的母亲，但当英文骂说“你这个搞你母亲的人”时，可能是上承希腊悲剧里“与自己母亲上床”的乱伦诅咒，是在说“你是个被诅咒的混蛋”的意思。
比较起来，英文这种直接攻击对手的脏话，我比较容易接受。而中文这样连累对手的母亲和祖宗，只是为了变成对方的长辈，我觉得很“原始部落”，很无视“每个人都是独立自主的个人”的原则。
回想人类聚居的形态，还在原始部落的时期，部落之间为了争夺食物和地盘，必须不断扩张自身的战斗力，自己部落的人越多，争斗时就越有胜算。在这种心态下，抢着当别人的爸爸，抢着满街认儿子，才有意义。换作是任何一个现代社会，你走在路上，有陌生小孩过来拉你袖子叫爸爸，你只会觉得事情有诈，你是遇上了骗子，避之惟恐不及。但以骂脏话来说，活在现在社会的我们，却还是很热衷“操你妈”、“操你祖宗”，就算不是吵架，口头禅也还是热爱说“老子我就是这样”、“你爸我就是不爽”这类的话，说了觉得很有气魄。这是我说它们“原始”的原因。
至于这个路线的脏话，蔑视个人价值，那是更不用说的了。对方的妈，本身绝对是个拥有独立人格的个体，你如果真有兴趣和她上床，就好好施出你的手段去吸引她，向她求
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