Crazy Enema

Crazy Enema

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"I extenuated a patient (took their breathing tube out). When I asked if there was anything else he needed, he responded with 'a Vicodin and a butt plug.' Yeah, I'll get right on that."
"One day I was assigned a patient who, according to the nurse who had had her during the last shift, was halfway through a blood transfusion. Upon entering the patient's room I found a very distinguished-looking woman wearing multiple pieces of expensive jewelry, texting on a fancy phone, and covered in blood. Apparently her friends' latest Facebook statuses were worth noticing, but the fact that her IV had been pumping type O into her sheets instead of into her veins was not."
"I became a nurse at the age of 20, and my 85-year-old patient picked up his flaccid penis, winked at me, and said, 'It still works too .'"
"My co-worker once had a confused patient poop in the lid that came on his dessert. When she asked him why he did that, he said, 'Because you told me I couldn't get out of bed.'"
"I had asked an elderly male patient to give us a urine sample — well, technically asked his young twentysomething, English-speaking son. The son understood and said he would help his father in the bathroom since he was very unsteady on his feet and seemed to be very confused lately.
I waited about 20 minutes and finally knocked on the bathroom door because they hadn't come out yet. They walked out together and said that he was all set. I went to the lab window, there was nothing in it. I searched high and low and there — behind the trash can in the bathroom — was the specimen cup. With a giant turd in it. "
I am a labor and delivery nurse. It was Christmas Day and the doctor manually examined the patient's cervix to assess her dilation, and I guess she found it uncomfortable so she was crying for boyfriend. He came over and started full-on making out with her, while the doctor had his hand in her cervix .
"I went to give meds to one of my patients and introduce myself. He asked me if I was one of his wives (yes, wives), and if not, would I want to be? He told me that we could consummate our marriage right there in his hospital bed, then proceeded to RIP HIS PANTS OPEN (literally tear them apart) with *you know what* right there in front of me. "
" A patient managed to masturbate while in four-point restraints . I happened to walk in at the moment of 'completion.' Scarred me for life."
"This happened slightly before I got my license, when I was still working as a nurse tech. I was sitting one-on-one with a patient who had ankle restraints. She kept complaining that it was too hot in the room, so we lowered the temperature, took off blankets, and got a fan to sit at the base of her bed. When she lifted her hips off the bed, her stool shot across the room and quite literally hit the fan. "
" So. Many. Things. In. Butts. Still-vibrating vibrators. Two-liter soda bottle. Ping-Pong ball wrapped in duct tape. Homemade styrofoam dildo. Vitamin bottle. An apple. Always makes for an awkward pre-op interview."
"I was trying to change an elderly woman's catheter. I missed the urethra, and when she asked what was happening I told her I missed the hole. She looked at me for a couple seconds then calmly said, 'My husband never had a problem finding my hole.' Then she burst out laughing. I had no response — all I could do was laugh with her!"
" I once had a patient poop in her bed and then set it at the foot of the bed for me to pick up once I returned to the room."
"One time a lady walked into the ER explaining how her bladder had started to fall out. We brought her into a room to begin examining, and to our surprise, there was a potato shoved into her! "
"I took care of a man on his 90th bday after a lobectomy (partial lung removal). Just a few hours after his surgery, I saw him flirting with the nurses and dancing in the hall. Shocked, I decided to ask this spitfire for some advice: 'Walter, tell me, what's the secret to living to be 90 years old?' He looked at me with a serious face and said proudly, 'Three wives and a LOT of mistresses!' I burst out laughing and told him I would work on finding husband number one."
" I walked in on a man trying to get it on with his wife less than 12 hours after having a baby. I gave him a time-out and told him to walk it off in the hallway."
"I was starting a blood transfusion on a patient who came in regularly for them. I hung the blood bag on the pole and then started trying to spike the bag. As I'm sure a lot of the nurses here know, sometimes those suckers are really hard to spike. I kept twisting and pushing the tip in, trying to get it into the bag so we could begin the transfusion. Well, after a minute or so of trying, I finally felt it give way, but it was immediately followed by an explosion! This bag of blood just completely burst open, covering me, the patient's mother, and the patient in splatters of blood.
"On a labor and delivery floor we had a man's girlfriend and mistress having their babies at the same time. They were coincidentally in rooms next to one another, and the man went from room to room the whole night with a proud look on his face. All the nurses knew about the situation but legally couldn't discuss it with our patients since neither knew about the other."
"I walked into my patient's room to find her 1-day-old newborn covered in meconium from head to toe. When I asked why she did this, the mother stated this was keeping away the evil spirits from harming the baby. I then had to explain to the mother that smothering poop on the baby could be dangerous and it is not recommended. "
"I used to work in a urology office. During one appointment I was getting ready to catheterize an older man, and so I took his penis in my gloved hand. Right as I was about to insert the catheter, the man says to me, 'You know, back in the day that thing was a raging bull.' Needless to say, I had to collect myself before I went ahead with the catheterization."
"Patient needed a Foley catheter (the kind that goes inside your body) because his prostate was so swollen he couldn't pee. I see my co-worker disappear into his room. The floor is quiet, but a few minutes later I hear the patient yell, " DIOS MIO !" really, really loudly. He was, uh, pretty surprised by the procedure, even though the nurse had explained it to him in Spanish."
"I had a new mother spread mashed potatoes on her breast to help her newborn latch easier."
"Just recently I was giving my elderly patient a bed bath after his surgery. It is customary to ask patients if they would like to wash 'down under' or if they would like the nurse to do it for them. Seeing as he was fairly immobile, he told me he was incapable, but 'not to be bashful.' I just assumed this was his pain medication talking, but when I lifted up his gown I found a tattoo of a shark on his penis. Not something I ever expected to see on the job."
"I once had a patient who hadn't had a bowel movement in a week, so he'd recently gone to the GI doc, who had been nice enough to place a small rectal tube to help pull the poop out. The rectal tube was hooked to suction on the wall, and for a few hours after he got back, everything was fine. After a few more hours (and close to shift change), he suddenly had to go. Presuming it was gas, he started going in the bed, and by going I mean GOING. There was poop EVERYWHERE. "
Note: Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.
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Subject: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas
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Date Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009, 09:59: am

When I was 9, our family doctor came over becuase I had a stomach ache and flu. He pressed on my stomach, told Mom I needed an enema and asked if she had the equipment. She had never given me one and asked the doctor to help her. I didn't know what to expect. I got the enema from bed with the doctor there and housekeeper holding the bag up. If I weren't so clueless I'd have had time to be embarrassed. When the bag was empty, the nozzle and tubing remained for a time as everybody told me to hold it as long as I could. This happened twice and made mom an enema convert. She got a lot of practice after the doctor instructed and she didn't need his advice to decide I needed them. Now, in my 60's, very healthy and taking my enemas as I need them.

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[> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009, 11:03: am

My doctor informed my mother by telephone to prepare an enema for me. I grew up when you did and enemas were a prescription for most of what ailed us. They seem to go in and out of favor.

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[> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Author:
Doctor's Assistant
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Date Posted: Friday, July 03, 2009, 11:06: am

Times are changing back as I have been sent by the doctor who employs me at least once a month to help a mother administer an enema to her child, as well as to help the elderly who are unable to prepare an enema for themselves. Mostly the doctor stays available for what is more complex in treatment.

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[> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Sunday, July 05, 2009, 09:17: pm

My pediatrician loves to prescribe enemas over the phone and I can so relate to his calls. I have gotten to the point of not calling him, giving my son an enema, if he is still unwell after a couple of hours, then I call with the news he's had his enema, now what? With my doctors, enemas are in again.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Author:
Greg (Patricia)
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Date Posted: Friday, October 29, 2010, 11:40: am

Incredible, I grew up with a mother who believed enemas cured everything. In fact every other Sunday she gave me an enema growing up. Now, I am a true believer in enemas.

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[> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Monday, July 06, 2009, 08:09: am

My childhood doctor back in the '40s-'50s believed in "real" enemas whenever needed, as was conventional then, but didn't give them himself. His wife/nurse/receptionist was available to advise those moms who didn't know how to give enemas, and was experienced with her own kids.
After a while, moms learned when to give an enema, knowing the doctor would approve, without being asked.
The giving of enemas, then and now, seemed to be mostly 'women's work," and MDs were overwhelmingly male unlike today.

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[> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Monday, July 06, 2009, 09:15: am

Ed,if you take enemas now, who gives them to you? If you have children, is this still "woman's work" to give them enemas when they need them?

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[> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Monday, July 06, 2009, 12:18: pm

Any male parent, giving an enema to their children, especially girls, are highly suspect regarding their motivation, as to why they are giving the enema to a child.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Monday, July 06, 2009, 12:50: pm

I agree, Susan. This is a very delicate area best avoided.
My current enemas are mostly self-given, occasionally female-given as in childhood.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Author:
Steve Hobbs
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Date Posted: Wednesday, November 16, 2011, 01:56: pm

Giving enemas to children is NOT abuse as you would imply. For behavioral problems PUNISHMENT with a soapy and hot copious retention enema administered with a double ballon foley catheter gets the attention of even the most recalcitrant young boy - and is certainly a lot healthier than a spanking or a beating.

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Author:
offtoshambala (wtf?)
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Date Posted: Friday, February 08, 2013, 06:20: pm

get help ... an enema is not a punishment

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014, 01:37: pm

I agree with Hobbs. Not only does a large volume soapy water enema cure behavioral problems or adjust attitude in children, it is effective for adults as well. It's amazing what a copious retention enema can do.

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[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Saturday, January 09, 2016, 12:21: pm

I couldn't agree more! A good, warm, large soapy enema is a great attitude adjuster. Growing up with two sisters, I learned how effective this is. When either of them were nasty, moody or back-talked, Mom would say "It sounds like you need a good enema." She'd march them into the bathroom and 40 minutes later, they were as sweet as can be. It works for little girls and big girls.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Tuesday, January 26, 2016, 10:38: am

I couldn't agree more! My grandfather and father were both physicians. Both told me they often ordered enemas for patients both children and adults because they became more cooperative after having them. I know that Dad gave Mom enemas when she was out of sorts or argumentative. My wife had had only a few enemas growing up and only Fleets. I am a firm believer in a large soapsuds enema for many reasons including attitude adjustment. It works every time.

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Monday, January 11, 2016, 08:16: am

As you know, I agree. The Greeks call excrement "evil" for a reason - that's where the word "caca" comes from - a child who has trouble "doing evil" on the toilet is more likely to behave badly in day-to-day life. So, first, flush out the toxic muck that causes the misbehavior.
And if you can add to the punishment by adding the pain and fear of "forced anal penetration" (with a nozzle or fat finger), so much the better.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Tuesday, January 01, 2013, 10:31: am

Susan,

Why the double standard? With all the recent cases of sex between female teachers and their younger students, it is clear that females are equally capable of sexual abuse. Why is it that a father's motives are automatically suspected, regardless of the age of the child and the situation? If you see enemas as "sexual," then they either should be given by the same-sex parent or not at all. You can't logically argue that it is OK for a mother to give her son an enema, but for a father to give his daughter a needed enema is automatically suspicious.

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Date Posted: Monday, January 14, 2013, 09:25: pm

To Leo,
From the ages of 5 to 14 I was a boy who was given many
enemas by my mother. While inserting the nozzle with her
left hand, she would be massaging my stomach and rubbing it
in big circular motions with her right hand, often, whether
intentionally or accidentally, brushing up against my penis.
I found it both pleasurable and embarrassing, but would have
preferred having my father give me the enemas, something he
never did. Since he had the same genitals that I had, it
would have seemed more natural to me. Why don't more dads
give enemas, at least to their sons?

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[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Visiting Doctors Who Gave Enemas

Author:
Gary (joyful)
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Date Posted: Sunday, February 17, 2019, 01:33: pm

My mother gave me enemas starting at the age of 7 by 10 i was hooked on them and wood take them at bath time using mother equipment. She caught me in the tube taking one from then on every Wed night was enema night with mother. At age 12 she gave me 2 qt yellow bag with black hose special pare nozzle to help me hold my enema in. .Some Sats night my dad would be away bowling.She wo
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