Cowgirl 69

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Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician based in New York City.

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Most 69ing is awkward, but these moments are especially awkward.
No matter which way you do it, most 69ing is awkward. Different heights, weird angles, and getting too wrapped up in how good you feel that you forget you're supposed to be actually participating — it happens to everyone. Here, six women share their extraordinarily embarrassing 69 stories.
1. "I squirted in his mouth and he told me that I almost drowned him." "I was once hooking up with this guy and he wanted to 69 and I was like, "Uh, OK, sure why not?" So we started really getting into it, and sometimes when I orgasm I have the tendency to squirt. Clearly this guy was not well versed in squirting, and began sputtering and asked if I had 'just peed in his mouth' and exclaimed that I had 'almost drowned him.' Super awkward." —Carrie
2. " I was staring into his butthole and noticed something was coming out of it." "When I was 20, I was making out with my boyfriend and when things heated up, we took a turn down Route 69. I was staring into his butthole and noticed something was coming out of it. I didn't say anything, because there is no polite way of saying, 'Yo, something's up with your butt.' Later, after heavy Googling, I realized that it was hemorrhoids. Like, a lot of them. It was as if his butthole was an '80s music video where Nena was standing inside it just out of sight holding onto a fistful of 99 angry red balloons. We dated way longer than we should have and finally broke up because he got a rare skin infection from only bathing once a week, like a 15th century explorer. Cool." —Cassie, 32
3. "I thought 69 was what I would later learn was Reverse Cowgirl. " "When I was in high school, I decided I would wait for the perfect guy to lose my vaginal virginity to, but oral sex was a different story. One time a guy asked me to 69, with me on top. I knew 69 was a sexual term, but I didn't know what it meant. I had seen Body of Evidence with Madonna, so I thought I was better versed in sex than I actually was. I thought 69 was what I would later learn was Reverse Cowgirl and I said, 'No, I'm not ready for that. You know that.' And he said, 'You are OK doing what we have been doing as long as it isn't simultaneous?' I paused and then asked for clarification. He told me he wanted me to sit on his face while going down on him and I was like, 'The closest Madonna got to that was standing on a car while Willem Dafoe ate her out.' And he said, 'Megan, you need to stop comparing your sex life to Madonna's from Body of Evidence.' " —Megan, 34
4. "I finally get my mouth around it at the same time that he hits a really sensitive spot down there, and I bit down. Hard. " "So my boyfriend and I are getting it on, kissing and touching each other all over, when he goes down on me. I obviously love it, but I guess he was feeling a little jealous because he suggested that we try 69ing. I said sure, since I'd heard about it and thought it was pretty hot, but neither one of us had ever actually done it. So we get in position with me on top and he starts going to town. Well, I quickly realized that it takes a lot of neck strength to be able to raise and lower at that angle, so after a lot of actually missing his penis with my mouth and it literally bobbing at my face, I finally get my mouth around it at the same time that he hits a really sensitive spot down there, and I bit down. Hard. Around the head of his penis. We haven't 69ed since." —Hannah
5. " Anytime we would 69, all of a sudden I became 'D-Money.'" "I was seeing this guy for a few years who happens to be an NBA player (and someone I had known for years). We started dating and it was like magic. Everything was perfect, until it was time to, uh, share the ball. Anytime we would 69, he would start to act like I was a teammate and all of a sudden, I became 'D-Money' as in, 'Yeah, D-Money!' or, 'Let's get it, D-Money.' It's like we were on the court during the Finals trying to finish strong for the win. But the funny part was it was only during our 'double assist' time together that he would do this. Needless to say I had a lovely time addressing the inspirational words of wisdom with him after a few times of pure puzzlement. Oh, and did he try to high-five me after? Obviously. Teamwork makes the dream work." —DJ, 28
6. "W e forgot that the window beside the front door looked right into the living room and the lights inside were on, giving his parents a perfect view." "I was 69ing with my boyfriend, in the living room of his parents house (we thought they were out to dinner). Just as we were both finally getting into it we heard the front door start to open and madly scrambled to cover up our dirty deed. However, we forgot that the window beside the front door looked right into the living room and the lights inside were on, giving them a perfect view. His dad later told him it looked like we were really getting busy!" —Lane, 23
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Sorry, but reverse cowgirl has got to go.
Sex is supposed to be fun, hot, and enjoyable for all parties involved. Yet there are times when we all want to crawl into a hole and die due to a sex position that may seem very appealing to the person we're sleeping with, but we are most definitely not into.
There have been countless times when I've been in bed with someone and thought to myself, Dear god. When will this be over? There is nothing I hate more than this position. My orgasm is light years away from this erotic encounter. R.I.P., orgasm.
Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Every woman has their deal-breaker sex position. For me, it's cowgirl. I cannot get into it. It's overwhelming and simply too much work for me. But give me some good old doggy-style any day of the week; bring in the missionary with a finger vibe. I'm down for *anything* other than cowgirl.
As for the tedious moves others want to see scrubbed from the face of the earth? Look no further. Below, real women expound on which loathed sex positions are their least favorite.
"I cannot even begin to describe how much I loathe this position. Your vagina does not even go in that direction. There is no way I'm having an orgasm when I'm trying not to throw my back out. Also, guys always want me to play with their balls while I'm there. As if I don't have enough to worry about without focusing on your sack? Pass."
"I can't get the rhythm down and also I've gained 40 pounds since moving to NYC, and I could do without my partner seeing my butt and love handles from below. I just ask to watch The Office instead. Just kidding. I give blowjobs. And also I wasn't kidding about The Office thing."
"OMG cowgirl is so boring! I don't get anything out of it at all. It's completely exhausting. How can I have an orgasm when I'm dying and sweating? My partner cares enough about what I want that we rarely ever do it."
"Okay, so lotus isn't THAT bad. It is kind of intimate. What I hate about it is that I can't get off in this position. I feel like I can barely move. Plus, my partner wants to make out the whole time, which I can't get into. I need to focus on myself."
"I kind of like this one, but I can tell my partner is only doing it for me, which takes the fun out of it. I want my husband to be into the sex as much as me and he isn't into lotus. Am I weird?"
"There is not enough clitoral stimulation. I can only come by touching myself. My favorite is sideways or doggy-style (more lying down than on my knees, though). To avoid it, I just get in another position with my butt out."
"I'm not into missionary because I feel like I'm being crushed. I don't know. Maybe the guys I'm sleeping with don't have enough upper body strength. I always feel like I can't breathe. It just isn't for me."
"Every time I spoon with my boyfriend, I feel like we're 80 years old. It's just NOT sexy. I feel like we should save this position for when we're married and have five children to worry about it. It's so lazy. We're young and alive so, let's do doggy style or something."
"I really hate any position that does not involve me not lying on my back or cowgirl. It feels awkward and I end up concentrating on where my legs/arms are vs how it actually feels. When the suggestion to do this position comes up, I say, 'no, let's do this much better thing!' Voila. On my back."
"If I can avoid standing up during sex, I will. I guess I would like to avoid anything that involves moving around a lot, but this position is especially bad. It looks sexy in movies, but in practice, you're two very different heights most of the time. How can you stand up and have sex when a penis is a foot above your vagina?"
"It's awkward and therefore unpleasant! In 69, it's impossible to concentrate on both things (pleasuring and receiving pleasure) at once."
"I'm 5 foot nothing, and tend to get it on with taller guys, which makes this position pretty much impossible most of the time. On the occasions where the guy has been more my height or particularly flexible enough to sit up and execute this, I just find myself getting either distracted by how good what he's doing feels that I stop doing my part, or the opposite happens."
"It makes no sense. I straight up say I'm not going to do it.
"Gag reflex and being squished/can't focus? No, thank you. My partner and I both don't like this position and prefer sex/pleasuring each other in other ways."
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Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women's Health.

Rodrigo listed their names one by one.

The most trusted source in feelin' yourself.

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"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."

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© Future Publishing Limited Quay House, The Ambury, Bath BA1 1UA. All rights reserved. England and Wales company registration number 2008885.

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Sorry, but reverse cowgirl has got to go.
Sex is supposed to be fun, hot, and enjoyable for all parties involved. Yet there are times when we all want to crawl into a hole and die due to a sex position that may seem very appealing to the person we're sleeping with, but we are most definitely not into.
There have been countless times when I've been in bed with someone and thought to myself, Dear god. When will this be over? There is nothing I hate more than this position. My orgasm is light years away from this erotic encounter. R.I.P., orgasm.
Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Every woman has their deal-breaker sex position. For me, it's cowgirl. I cannot get into it. It's overwhelming and simply too much work for me. But give me some good old doggy-style any day of the week; bring in the missionary with a finger vibe. I'm down for *anything* other than cowgirl.
As for the tedious moves others want to see scrubbed from the face of the earth? Look no further. Below, real women expound on which loathed sex positions are their least favorite.
"I cannot even begin to describe how much I loathe this position. Your vagina does not even go in that direction. There is no way I'm having an orgasm when I'm trying not to throw my back out. Also, guys always want me to play with their balls while I'm there. As if I don't have enough to worry about without focusing on your sack? Pass."
"I can't get the rhythm down and also I've gained 40 pounds since moving to NYC, and I could do without my partner seeing my butt and love handles from below. I just ask to watch The Office instead. Just kidding. I give blowjobs. And also I wasn't kidding about The Office thing."
"OMG cowgirl is so boring! I don't get anything out of it at all. It's completely exhausting. How can I have an orgasm when I'm dying and sweating? My partner cares enough about what I want that we rarely ever do it."
"Okay, so lotus isn't THAT bad. It is kind of intimate. What I hate about it is that I can't get off in this position. I feel like I can barely move. Plus, my partner wants to make out the whole time, which I can't get into. I need to focus on myself."
"I kind of like this one, but I can tell my partner is only doing it for me, which takes the fun out of it. I want my husband to be into the sex as much as me and he isn't into lotus. Am I weird?"
"There is not enough clitoral stimulation. I can only come by touching myself. My favorite is sideways or doggy-style (more lying down than on my knees, though). To avoid it, I just get in another position with my butt out."
"I'm not into missionary because I feel like I'm being crushed. I don't know. Maybe the guys I'm sleeping with don't have enough upper body strength. I always feel like I can't breathe. It just isn't for me."
"Every time I spoon with my boyfriend, I feel like we're 80 years old. It's just NOT sexy. I feel like we should save this position for when we're married and have five children to worry about it. It's so lazy. We're young and alive so, let's do doggy style or something."
"I really hate any position that does not involve me not lying on my back or cowgirl. It feels awkward and I end up concentrating on where my legs/arms are vs how it actually feels. When the suggestion to do this position comes up, I say, 'no, let's do this much better thing!' Voila. On my back."
"If I can avoid standing up during sex, I will. I guess I would like to avoid anything that involves moving around a lot, but this position is especially bad. It looks sexy in movies, but in practice, you're two very different heights most of the time. How can you stand up and have sex when a penis is a foot above your vagina?"
"It's awkward and therefore unpleasant! In 69, it's impossible to concentrate on both things (pleasuring and receiving pleasure) at once."
"I'm 5 foot nothing, and tend to get it on with taller guys, which makes this position pretty much impossible most of the time. On the occasions where the guy has been more my height or particularly flexible enough to sit up and execute this, I just find myself getting either distracted by how good what he's doing feels that I stop doing my part, or the opposite happens."
"It makes no sense. I straight up say I'm not going to do it.
"Gag reflex and being squished/can't focus? No, thank you. My partner and I both don't like this position and prefer sex/pleasuring each other in other ways."
Follow Marie Claire on F (opens in new tab) acebook (opens in new tab) for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women's Health.

Rodrigo listed their names one by one.

The most trusted source in feelin' yourself.

For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.

Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.

These actors aren't faking anything.

"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."

Did you know your favorite dating apps may be selling your intimate information? Swipe right on privacy with these key safety tips.

Marie Claire is part of Future plc, an international media group and leading digital publisher. Visit our corporate site .
© Future Publishing Limited Quay House, The Ambury, Bath
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