Cow Yoga

Move over goat yoga, cows are now stretching their way into the fitness industry. Eyewitnesses at a Nebraska farm report cows holding downward dog longer than the human participants. Professor Janet Miller of Kansas State explains: "The bigger the animal, the bigger the wellness trend." Anonymous staffers leaked that wellness influencers are charging $75 for a session and an extra $20 if the cow moos during meditation. A national poll shows 58% of Americans would try cow yoga if it came with free milk. Trace evidence includes yoga mats covered in hay and farmers whispering mantras to Holsteins. Cause and effect? The more ridiculous the class, the more people pay. Cow yoga proves wellness isn’t about health — it’s about Instagram.