Couples 8

Couples 8
Part of HuffPost Relationships. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
We asked marriage therapists to share what happy couples do when they’re feeling out of sync.
1. They address the disconnect quickly.
2. They also make it a ‘we’ problem instead of a ‘you’ problem.
6. They handle their partner’s feelings sensitively and are quick to ask, ‘How can I help?’
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Part of HuffPost Relationships. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Senior Lifestyle Reporter, HuffPost
It’s relatively easy to point out the signs of an emotionally disconnected couple: They stonewall (i.e., give each other the silent treatment), lose interest in the details of each other’s lives, and feel unmoved by shows of affection from each other.
Although we hear a lot about the signs that a marriage is in rough water, we rarely see how couples get through those rocky moments.
What do those “Are we OK?” conversations sound like? What kinds of compromises do they make? What changes do they make to ensure the issues don’t crop up again in the near future?
In an effort to find out, we asked marriage therapists to share what relatively happy couples they work with do when they’re feeling out of sync. Read what they had to say below.
To get to the heart of a problem, first you have to recognize there even is a problem. Giving something a name makes it real, as opposed to an unstated, gnawing feeling that something is off in your relationship.
“Instead of holding in whatever’s bothering them and letting it fester, couples who feel safe and secure in their relationships bring it up in a non-critical manner as soon as possible,” said Danielle Kepler , owner and therapist at DK Therapy in Chicago.
“They might say something as simple as, ‘It feels like we haven’t had any time this week to connect. Can we take some time just the two of us this weekend?’” she continued.
Couples in solid relationships try their hardest not to lay the blame on the other. To that end, they’ve made some tweaks to the way they speak to each other: Specifically, when discussing any thorny issues, they use “we” language instead of “you” language, Kepler said.
For instance, “It’s important to me that we’re in agreement on what we do for child care when I go back to work,” not “I really need you to get with the program on this child care thing.”
“This helps to reduce possible defensiveness and one partner feeling ‘blamed’ for the disconnect,” Kepler said. “Connection works both ways; both partners are responsible for turning toward their partner.”
As human beings, we’re hard-wired for connection as a means of survival. When we sense a disconnection from our partner, the survival, primal part of our brain lights up and we have an automatic fight-or-flight reaction, said Jennifer Chappell Marsh , a marriage and family therapist in San Diego.
Secure couples notice when they’re feeling triggered and instead of yelling, fault-finding or withdrawing (reacting), they warmly reach for their partner and communicate their needs for harmony and connection (respond).
“Then they communicate their needs for connection in a healthy way,” Chappell Marsh said. “For example, instead of saying, ‘You never spend time with me anymore,’ a partner may say, ‘I’ve noticed we haven’t spent much time together. I miss you. I’d love to plan a date this weekend.’”
After calling out the problem and getting a handle on their fight-or-flight reaction, happy couples brainstorm ways to foster reconnection, said Ryan Howes, a psychologist in Pasadena, California, and the author of the “ Mental Health Journal for Men .”
“Do you need to talk more, have more focus on intimacy, or hang out with others socially?” he said. “Much of this depends on your own wants and needs, and how these mesh with your partner, but if you work collaboratively you should be able to get back on track with your relationship.”
Sometimes, it isn’t about you; your partner might be going through something wholly separate from your relationship, said Beatty Cohan , a psychotherapist and author of “For Better, for Worse, Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love.” It could be a full plate at work or that they’re feeling estranged from a sibling they’re usually close with. Happy couples ask open-ended questions to get to the bottom of things (“I’ve noticed something seems off. Is everything going OK?”) rather than jumping to self-centered conclusions (The classic “Are you mad at me?”).
“Happy couples talk openly about why they may be feeling the way they’re feeling,” Cohan said. “Maybe the disconnect is not about the relationship, but about some individual problem, past or present.”
When a partner pushes away or otherwise creates distance, the secure person tries not to immediately take it personally, added Susan Pease Gadoua , a therapist in Northern California.
“Happy partners understand that they are not the cause of the issue,” she said. “They trust that their partner would talk to them about the issue if it did involve something they did. Happy partners communicate openly and honestly so when there are breaches in their connection, they can withstand them much better than if they were conflict avoidant , for example, and had no foundation in trust because they lacked honesty.”
Those in healthy relationships find it easy to put themselves in their partner’s shoes ― or else they’ve learned how to do it with time and practice.
“A little thoughtfulness in this conversation can make a big difference,” Howes said. “Are they overwhelmed at work? Are they experiencing grief, anxiety or self-esteem problems?”
Rather than blasting them with, ‘I need more from you!’ the therapist said you might soften this with something like, ‘I know work has been a mess for you lately, is there anything I can do to help so we can free up some time to connect?’”
“This is an appeal for partnership, and if both of you hold this mindset you may be able to support each other on multiple fronts,” Howes said.
Attachment styles ― how we’ve been taught to emotionally bond and show affection to others in our adult lives ― underlie our dating and relationship behavior. When there is a foundation of secure connection versus insecure, disconnection isn’t experienced as the end of the world, Chappell Marsh said.
The therapist said there are three main components of maintaining a generally secure connection with your partner. You can remember it by thinking of the acronym ARE .
“ A vailability, R esponsiveness, E motionally engaged,” she said. “Essentially, couples who feel their partner is available for them when they need them, responsive to their needs, and care about them are more securely connected.”
Bridging the divide here isn’t solely about good communication; happy couples back their words up with measurable actions, Howes said.
“You have to set realistic goals and follow through to get back on track,” he said. “Will you actually make that camping trip or date night happen, or were they just empty words?”
The happiest couples even check in with each other with a “state of the union” every week or so, regardless of how the relationship seems to be going.
“This brief chat usually starts with one person saying, ‘So, how are we doing this week?’ and then talk about the ups, downs and areas to work on for the coming week,” Howes said. “If this is done regularly, and not only when there is a problem, it tends to keep things running smoothly.”
Senior Lifestyle Reporter, HuffPost

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A lot has changed in 2021 for the 90 Day Fiancé season 8 couples. This year included traveling, new business opportunities, breakups, and more.
The latest crop of 90 Day Fiancé season 8 stars had a busy 2021 as they navigated their romantic relationships, professional careers, and newfound fame. There were several couples from season 8 who split up this year, but there are also some who are going strong. Many of the season’s cast members are eager for the opportunities ahead in 2022.
There were a few compelling couples in the season 8 cast , though there were definitely a few toxic relationships. Surprisingly, there were also several successful relationships that fans didn’t see coming. It hasn’t been long since they were on 90 Day Fiancé , but there have still been various major changes this year for the season 8 couples.
In 2021, many cast members made good use of their franchise fame. Certain savvy reality TV stars have found ways to profit off their time on the show. On the other hand, there are also some who had a bad experience with the franchise and will be glad when the year is over.
Jovi and Yara spent 2021 adjusting to life as new parents after the birth of their first daughter Mylah. But there were other things keeping them busy this year as well. This summer, Jovi and Yara had to evacuate Louisiana due to Hurricane Ida - an experience that shook Yara so much that she revealed she and Jovi are considering moving. The couple is itching for international travel to open up, but the family of three have been to Texas, New York City, and Miami this year. Yara launched an online clothing store and a new makeup line in 2021, though she’s gotten significant criticism for both.
After breaking up on 90 Day Fiancé season 8, Andrew and Amira have happily gone their separate ways. Amira traveled to Canada and Las Vegas in 2021 and is reportedly dating another American man, though she hasn’t revealed many details about her budding relationship. Amira has also joined an adult video-sharing platform to profit off her franchise fame, and she’s gotten backlash from that decision. Andrew isn’t dating anyone new, but he was busy in 2021 nonetheless. He lost 135 pounds this year and is enjoying his thinner body. Alas, Andrew recently had a health scare due to a heart condition. Thankfully, he is doing alright now.
As fans learned on 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After? , Julia and Brandon finally moved out of Brandon’s parents’ house and got their own apartment this year. In the spring, Julia took a solo trip to Russia, which had some fans concerned about her relationship status. However, Julia didn’t “go Russia” permanently. After she returned to Brandon in Virginia, the couple did even more traveling. In addition to a trip to EPCOT with Brandon’s parents, Brandon and Julia took a boat cruise around Mexico and Honduras. Julia had even more reasons to celebrate this year since she got her driver’s license, which has given her more freedom.
Even though many fans doubted their relationship, Rebecca and Zied are still together and doing better than ever. Zied got his first job in the US at a furniture show, and with the money he’s made from the franchise, he bought himself a sleek new BMW vehicle. The couple has hinted that they’re thinking of moving to Florida. As of now, however, they are still living in Georgia. Even though Rebecca and Zied still get a lot of criticism and had to experience a lot of doubt coming their way, the couple has proved their haters wrong by sticking together no matter what was said.
Mike and Natalie’s relationship fell apart this year on Happily Ever After? , and after the show, the couple has reportedly gone their separate ways. Mike is still living in Sequim, Washington with Natalie’s abandoned pets - a dog named Nymeria and a rat named Lucky/Pulya. Meanwhile, Natalie has moved to Florida and joined the 90 Day: The Single Life season 2 cast. Most recently, she has been associated with an aspiring model called Johnny. With that said, it seems like Natalie still has a lot of healing to do. Mike was spotted with Rock of Love star Marcia, but he doesn’t appear to be in an official relationship as of this writing.
Stephanie and Ryan’s relationship didn’t last long on 90 Day Fiancé season 8. In fact, Stephanie has claimed that they broke up before they filmed the show, claiming that what they showed was all for the cameras. However, she and Ryan are still technically engaged in regards to the K1-visa. Stephanie clearly had a bad experience with the show, which means that 2021 was a difficult year for her. She was also involved in a major scandal after she claimed that the wellness shots her med-spa sells could cure COVID-19. Fans slammed Stephanie for her fraudulent claims, and the Michigan Attorney General even threatened legal action if she did not retract her statements. Things got even worse for Stephanie after the death of her cat Cooper just before his 20th birthday. Ryan, on the other hand, seems to have spent the bulk of 2021 drinking beers on the beach.
Hazel and Tarik had a difficult year that started with their time on the show. Tarik had a pretty bad experience with his castmates and called them “ fake friends ” and “ fickle .” There was also trouble brewing in Tarik and Hazel’s relationship. Recently, the two began following and unfollowing each other on Instagram. As a result, Tarik called Hazel a “ snake ” and hinted that the two had broken up. Later, Tarik revealed that Hazel is living in a different state and claims that she’ll be returning to the Philippines. Even though Tarik still appears to have feelings for Hazel, it seems like their relationship is over.
With 2022 right around the corner, the 90 Day Fiancé season 8 stars are taking stock of the past year. Some of them accomplished a lot in 2021 in terms of financial success as well as strengthening their relationships. Fortunately, several of them were happy to simply enjoy life as a couple away from the cameras. On the other hand, there are other cast members who are just glad they made it through 2021 and that the year is now coming to an end. 2021 may have been difficult, but at least it’s (almost) over now.
Maggie Mead is a reality TV writer and editor who loves crafting a good story and can probably hold her breath for at least 10 seconds. After growing up in Hawaii, Maggie shivered in Boston while dual majoring in English literature and cinema studies. In her career she wrote for the produce and specialty foods industries before moving on to reality TV. For Screen Rant, Maggie has written about 90 Day Fiancé, Bachelor Nation, The Challenge, and more. With interests ranging from horror movies to fashion to true crime, there are many topics Maggie enjoys writing about. However, it's not just the written word that gives her life color. When she's not writing, Maggie is probably wrangling cats, baking something, or doing yoga. Though not particularly outdoorsy, she loves being outside‚ especially if there‚'s brunch and mimosas involved. Being both exceedingly humble and the best writer ever, Maggie has a lot to say about reality TV.

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