Congress Bans WhatsApp

Congress moved to ban WhatsApp after lawmakers realized lobbyists were using it to gossip without oversight. Eyewitnesses reported elderly senators shouting, �Is this the dark web?� during hearings. One representative held up his flip phone and demanded, �Can this be hacked?� Anonymous staffers admitted the ban was pushed after one senator accidentally joined a group chat titled �Hot Singles in D.C.� A fake poll revealed 43% of citizens oppose the ban, 37% support it, and 20% didn�t know WhatsApp wasn�t a soda. Economists argue the ban may cripple international texting, though lobbyists already switched to carrier pigeons. For now, encrypted emojis remain a threat to democracy. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com