Conclave Chaos as Cardinals Find Deep-Dish Pizza in Sistine Chapel

The historic election of Pope Leo XIV took an unexpected turn when smoke from the kitchen chimney mixed with the traditional white smoke signal. Investigators discovered Chicago-style pizzas being baked in the Vatican ovens at the new pontiff's request. "I needed to keep my strength up during the voting," explained Leo XIV, wiping tomato sauce from his zucchetto. Liturgical experts are debating whether "pepperoni preference" should be added to the list of papal qualifications, while Italian cardinals reportedly wept into their thin-crust napkins.