Commitment Issues

Clinical comedian Dr. Heartbreak diagnoses commitment phobia as 'allergic to permanence.' Symptoms include chronic app-untapping and third-date disappearances. Therapy dogs now wear 'Ask Me Why I Ghosted' vests during sessions. A survey of 200 daters revealed 72 % fear the word 'we.' Treatment: speed dating with 'commitment repellent' badges'so everyone stays comfortably unavailable.