Coming Out As Bisexual

Coming Out As Bisexual

Coming Out as a Bisexual Man: The 5 Reasons Why We Don’t
We are your fathers, sons, brothers,
uncles, co-workers, friends, neighbors, boyfriends, lovers and husbands. But
according to a Pew Research Center Survey, bisexual men are the least of the
LGBTQ community to be out to those closest to them.
Pew surveyed 1197 LGBTQ individuals
and found 40% of the LGBTQ community identify themselves as bisexual, the
largest segment of the LGBTQ community. Yet, bisexual people are less likely to
be out of the closet than their lesbian or gay peers. Only 28 percent telling
Pew, “Friends, family, and co-workers” are aware of their ‘secret.’
Bisexual men due to unique stereotypes
and stigmas make it even more difficult to measure their numbers. (Only 12
percent of bisexual men told Pew that they were out to the important people in
their lives.)
In a day and age where sexual fluidity
is the new norm. Why are bisexual men reluctant to share their true selves with
family, friends, and romantic partners?
1. Public Relations: Of those in the LGBTQ community. Bisexual men have been
the least portrayed on the big and little screen. Hollywood, TV, and literature
have depicted the openness of female bisexuality in characters and roles for
years. For bisexual men, the representation has been invisible. Not to mention
bisexual men have a lack of public role models. Possible Solution: Cast more men as bisexuals in TV shows. Write the networks
and studios to request this.
2. Masculinity: Men have evolved into a stay at home dads. We change diapers in sports venue restrooms and we are ok with our spouses being the breadwinner. All good things the majority of men in the past have perceived as ‘emasculating.’ But the final masculine vestige we will not let go of is our sexuality. We hide under the macho veil we have worn since the beginning of time. Even though we have romantic and or sexual feelings for both men and women. Possible Solution: As more well known (perceived) masculine men come out as bisexual the masculinity stigma will diminish. The increasing change in gender titles will also help men take off the masculinity mask.
3. Family: Men are afraid of what family will think of their
bisexuality. We have played our straight roles well for them. Our families have
seen us grow up having crushes on females. They have met our high school
girlfriends and college sweethearts. Many of us became good family men and
caring fathers. How many times have we heard from family members and parents? “Oh
honey it’s a phase, you will grow out of it.” A common thing I hear from other
bisexual men is “What will my child think of me If I tell them?” “They do not
need to know.” ‘What will my brother or sister think of me?” The family is the
hardest to share our secrets with. Besides #5 this was a tough one for me. Possible Solution: Start
slow. Talk to a family member you feel the safest and trustworthy with.
Starting first with a good friend helps with confidence. From my own
experience, fear overshadows the reality of our family being more than
supportive.
4. Support Systems: Another factor making it difficult to come out as a
bisexual man are support systems or lack thereof. Support systems are not as
prevalent and strong for bisexuals as they are for other LGBTQ individuals.
Julia Taylor, of the Australian
Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, who is leading the country’s
largest study into the mental health of bisexual and pansexual people, makes a
strong point when she says, “There are “protective factors for gay and lesbian
people that bisexual people aren’t privy to.” “If gay and lesbian people come
out and things don’t go so well for them…they do have a big vocal community to
find support and that’s something bisexual people don’t have,” Taylor added. Possible Solution: Join bisexual friendly groups. Most towns have LGBTQ
centers as well as excellent resources for bisexual men.
5. What will Women Think of Me? Many bisexual men are hesitant to share their bisexuality
with a woman. I say this is due to his perception of what she will think of him.
The prevailing belief by many men aligns with this statement from a bisexual
man. “Being attracted to men negates masculinity in the eyes of a shit ton of
women.”
From personal experience, this
statement holds some truth. Besides telling the family this was my biggest
fear.
The first person I came out to in
recent years was a female friend I began dating. When I told her I was
bisexual, she joked. “Any man who sucks the c**k of another man is not straight
and there is no such thing as bisexual.”
Needless to say, this set me back on
my campaign to come out as bisexual for a few years. But, the next female
friend I told, a person I had known for over forty years was very accepting and
affirming. I begin telling female friends, co-workers and potential dating
partners I was bisexual. Dating partners who were not comfortable with it would
say, “Thank you for telling me. But I am not ok with that.” It was freeing and
liberating to be able to share openly and honestly with others. Living my truth
was a huge step in self-acceptance for me. Possible Solution: From my experience, bisexual men have a few close female
friends. Start by telling one of them.
These 5 reasons are not etched in
stone. But professionally they are the 5 reasons I have heard the most from
bisexual men I have counseled. I have also experienced these 5 on a personal
level. It is this writer’s opinion we are undergoing another sexual revolution
in our society. Gender titles and sexual identification are changing. The LGBTQ
community is undergoing a renaissance and now more than ever is considered
mainstream. As bisexual men ease through the fear of coming out. The societal acceptance and validation of
them will become the norm.
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Coming out bisexual can be a difficult process. There are many questions that need to be answered and the evaluation of the risks versus rewards of coming out bisexual must also be considered.
There is, however, one universal truth: the most important, and perhaps the only truly necessary person to come out to, is you. Once you have done that, you can come out as bisexual to others based on your comfort level. It doesn't have to be immediate. Take your time and do what feels right to you. Make sure that you've answered the question " Am I bisexual ?" and feel confident with the answer. This will help you in coming out to others.
You must also be aware that mood matters. If you are going to come out to someone as bisexual and make it seem like something bad or depressing, you can put the person in the wrong frame of mind. This can affect how receptive they will be towards your news.
Some people may not be ready for the conversation and so you may want to get to the subject of coming out bisexual indirectly. Strange and awkward questions can sometimes come up when coming out bisexual as well. These may be due to shock as opposed to lack of support. It is important to stay calm and keep the answers simple and short. Try to maintain the least amount of confusion possible.
Make perfectly clear that you are still the same person you have always been and be clear about how you feel. You may also choose to not come out as bisexual to everyone, such as a person that you depend on financially who may be homophobic or biphobic . Ultimately, it is a very important decision in your life, so it is your call in the end to whom you come out bisexual, or whether to come out at all.
APA Reference Tracy, N.
(2022, January 10). Coming Out as Bisexual, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2022, July 10 from https://www.healthyplace.com/gender/bisexual/coming-out-as-bisexual

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD
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In many societies, attraction is often presented as a choice between being straight or being gay or lesbian.

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Human Rights Campaign Foundation, October 2021 | 25 Minute Read.

Coming Out: Living Authentically as Bisexual+

No matter who we are or whom we love, our identities are valid, and we deserve the right to live openly as our authentic selves.
The truth is that many people experience attraction to more than one gender. Often called bisexual, others choose labels such as pansexual, fluid or queer. Some also choose more than one label, and the label that best bits someone may change over time. In this guide, we use the phrases bisexual+ or bi+ to encompass all of these non-monosexual identities.
Every day, each and every one of us makes deeply personal decisions about how open we want to be with ourselves and with others about our non-straight sexuality, to whom we want to open up, and when and where we want to open up to them. In the U.S. this process is commonly known as coming out , and it varies drastically from person to person.
For bi+ people, coming out can be challenging due to skepticism and stereotypes about our sexuality. Bi+ people can face biphobia both from straight and cisgender people, as well as from some in the LGBTQ+ communtiy, and can be invisible even within our own community.
However, coming out can also be a wonderful experience that allows you to live authentically, to be a role model for others and to connect with others in the bi+ community.
Each of us comes out in our own way and in our own time. Throughout the process of coming out and living ever more openly, you should always be in the driver’s seat about whether, how, where, when and with whom you choose to be open.
This resource was designed to help you and your loved ones through the coming out process in realistic and practical terms. It acknowledges that the experience of coming out and living openly covers the full spectrum of human emotion — from paralyzing fear to unbounded euphoria.
We hope this resource helps you meet the challenges and opportunities that being openly bi+ offers to each of us.
I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge in myself the potential to be attracted — romantically and/or sexually — to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree.
Many bi+ community members and advocates have embraced Ochs’ definition of bisexuality because it is inclusive of different kinds of attractions to people with a range of gender identities. Bi+ people often face the stigma that they are confused about their identity, or that bisexuality is simply a phase. They may face bi erasure when people assume they’re straight when with a different-gender partner, or they assume they’re gay or lesbian when with a same-gender partner. However, bisexuality is very real. Bi+ people are the largest contingent of the LGBTQ+ community, making up nearly six in ten people of the overall community. This is true among adults and high schoolers in the United States.
Bisexuality doesn’t always look the same for everyone, and bi+ people may experience varying degrees of sexual and/or romantic attraction to different genders. Regardless of the degree or depth of your attraction, if you have the potential to be attracted to more than one gender, you are welcome to identify as bi+ and as a member of the LGBTQ+ community.
Although bi+ people make up a majority of the LGBTQ+ community, we are often met with skepticism when asserting our identities. People can make assumptions or try to assign labels to us based on the gender of our past or current partner or partners, and o
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