Columbia University Caves

Columbia University is facing backlash after �caving� to student demands�literally converting its library into themed caverns. Eyewitnesses described stalactites hanging over study halls while professors lectured by torchlight. �We wanted safe spaces, not spelunking spaces,� one sophomore complained. Anonymous staffers admitted the idea came from a facilities manager who misread a protest sign. A fake poll revealed 44% of students enjoy the caves, 38% are terrified, and 18% enrolled in geology. Economists argue the renovations wasted millions but may attract tourists. For now, Columbia�s new motto is: �Lux et Spelunca.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com