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Top 10 Sex Tips for College Freshmen
The Emily Posts of the Modern Bedroom
For many young women and men, the end of August marks the start of a new chapter of life — one of higher learning, critical thinking, problem solving, horizon broadening, and lots and lots of casual bonking. It’s a whole new world of unchaperoned independence and freedom combined with 18-year-old hormones — which can result in a lot of really bad life decisions. If you are the kind of wise-beyond-your-years person who only has sober sex with people you’re in a committed relationship with, more power to you! If not, follow these rules to save yourself from (at least some) sex-related humiliation and regret up in your ivory tower.
1. Keep your condom shelf fully stocked at all times. Whether you’re a man or a woman, make sure you keep a healthy supply of condoms on hand, for you, for your friends, for friends of friends. Invest in decent ones, with lubrication (but not spermicide), because everyone could use a little rehydration after a night of drinking (and, good or bad, many of you will have been drinking... heavily — see tip #3). Replace the condoms when they get close to their expiration date — because the only thing worse than not having a condom is having one that breaks mid sesh.
2. Carry a condom on you at all times. Do you see a theme here? (And we don’t want to hear about how we’re living in a “post-AIDs/HPV-vaccine world” in which condoms are no longer a requirement; STDs still exist!) You never know when nookie is around the corner, especially on nights out. Keep a condom (more if you can manage it) cool and dry in a purse or loose pocket, not crammed in an overstuffed wallet or squeezed into the back pocket of your skinny jeans.
3. Don’t do it drunk. Chances are, you will get drunk. Too drunk. Way too drunk. Probably on more than one occasion. We’re not talking about a good, healthy buzz — because let’s face it, that’s the most likely time sex is going to happen for you this year — no, we’re talking completely sloshed. And when that happens, when your balance starts to fail and your voice gets really loud and the room spins a bit, try with all your might NOT to hook up. Have a friend or three on hand who’ve got your back (and will tell you when to “turn back/back off now”). Because the chances of it not going well are exceedingly high. Think: poor sexual performance, blackouts, accusations of date rape, actual date rape, mid-sesh vomiting, forgotten birth control, accidental pregnancy, viral videos, the list goes on.
4. Have a no hook-up zone. Ground zero is your dorm room and the zone radiates out from there. The closer anyone lives to ground zero, the less advised you are to hook up with them. So: students in other dorms = fair game. Students in same dorm = proceed with caution. Students on same floor = enter (or be entered) at your own risk. Immediate neighbors = turn back now! Roommate = NO!!! And while we’re on the topic of roommates, have respect for yours — don’t keep locking them out while you’re showing someone your dorm room etchings, especially on nights before exams.
5. Don’t sleep with anyone to get them to like you. This will not work. Sleep with someone because you are attracted to them and would like to have sex now, but only if you can do so without any expectations of a future relationship. If you think sex tonight means you’re dating tomorrow, think again.
6. Avoid having sex in a fraternity/sorority house. But especially a fraternity house. Because in close-knit community living like that there are no boundaries: people will walk in on you while you’re doing it. Sometimes they’ll stay. They might try to take pictures.
7. Don’t hook up with your friends’ exes. We know college is inherently incestuous. But you’ve got four more years with your friends. Don’t make it awkward.
8. Be open and honest about STDs. You’re jumping into a pool of smart, well educated, fun, attractive, decent people — many of whom have sexually transmitted diseases. Hell, you probably have one right now too! There’s nothing shameful about that — it’s just statistics. But that doesn’t mean you can shirk your civic responsibility to be honest about anything you’ve got that might be transferrable — oral herpes counts too! The more people talk about it, the less stigma there will be, and the smarter everyone can be about protecting themselves and the ones they lust.
9. Don’t schtupp your professor. It’s so cliche. The affair might feel naughty and transgressive, but ultimately it’s an abuse of power on their part. Plus, it’s not worth it for the inevitable mediocre B you’ll get.
10. Get familiar with your health center, campus security, and your school’s policy related to sexual assault. The health center is your friend: a good one will have free condoms, STD information and check-ups, Plan B and pregnancy tests. Familiarize yourself with campus security: put their number in your phone and memorize it, call them if you need to be picked up or any other kind of help, and know where all the emergency phones are on campus. Finally, now that schools are being forced to actually do something about the on-campus sexual assault epidemic (according to a 2007 study funded by the National Institute of Justice, one in five women will become the victim of an attempted or complete sexual assault during college), review your own school’s current policy so you know your rights and whether you need to insist your school do more.
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What I Wish I Had Known About Sex Before College
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From being sex-iled to peeing afterward, these are crucial tips.
Welcome to AP Bio, Teen Vogue's guide to what you need to know about sex and your body before you head to college. Whether it’s getting tested, taking care of a yeast infection, or opting out of so-called hookup culture entirely, we’ve got you covered.
College can be a time of newfound freedom from parents, your high school, the ridiculously early wake-up call for homeroom, and much more. It's also a time when many people start to experiment sexually. There are some key things you need to know about sex before you go to college, including weird incidents you might encounter and the important work of figuring out what you like. Here we've compiled some crowdsourced tips from the Teen Vogue staff and the Internet at large for what you should know before you start getting down in the dorms.
Before college, honestly, even before high school, you have to know about consent: what it is, what it sounds like, how to give and not give it, and how to keep affirming consent throughout a hookup. When you start college, you might have a quick course on what sexual consent is, but it goes much deeper than what that course might teach you. For more information on consent, click here.
Telling your partner what you want during sex is important for both consent and your sexual pleasure. It's totally okay to voice your desires, and let your partner know exactly how they can make you feel good. So don't be shy — your partner likely wants to make you feel good, and will be grateful for a helpful tip.
It's hard to ask for what you want if you don't know what you like. Of course, it takes some experimentation to figure out what you do and don't like sexually, and much of this can be done on your own. That's right, some good old-fashioned masturbation can help you figure out how you want a partner to touch you in the future. Not sure where to start with self-experimentation? We've got you covered.
If you choose to have sex in college, it doesn't have to be heterosexual if you don't want it to be. It's absolutely okay to have queer sex; you don't have to be anyone you don't want to be.
This is a classic college scenario. You come back to your dorm to find a sock on the door, a note on the whiteboard, or whatever signal you and your roommate have worked out to communicate to each other that the room is, um, occupied. But it's your room too, and you have the right to sleep in your own bed. This is when karma comes into play. You might consider packing up your pillow and bunking with a pal so that when you're trying to have some private time in the room, your roommate will be more likely to respect that. Plus, being sex-iled is much better than your roommate trying to sneakily do it with you in the room — which might also happen.
This is important! You should always pee after sexual contact to reduce the risk of a urinary tract infection (UTI). According to the Mayo Clinic, UTIs happen when bacteria enter the urinary tract via the urethra and multiply in the bladder. People with vaginas are more at risk of UTIs, though anyone can get them. Sexual activity can increase your risk of getting a UTI, but the Mayo Clinic recommends peeing after sex to reduce that risk. This is not a fail-safe method for avoiding a UTI, but it can help prevent an uncomfortable, though easily treated, situation.
There's no one way to have sex. If you're not interested in penetration, there are tons of other ways to get down, and you should feel empowered to explore options on your own or with a partner to find what feels good for you.
Sex doesn't always end with an orgasm — and that's okay! This doesn't mean you should give up after only one partner has had an orgasm. Everyone who wants one should have one. But if both you and your partner are satisfied, there's no need to keep going just to achieve orgasm if that's not what you want to do.
At any time. Seriously. Consent is ongoing, and you reserve the right to rescind it whenever you want. You shouldn't feel obligated to continue a sexual act just because you started it, and a respectful partner will be okay with that. You should also know that just because you respond to a late-night text or go to someone's dorm room alone, it doesn't mean you have to do anything sexual if that's not what you want to do.
Given the high rates of sexual assault on college campuses, it's vitally important to know that this isn't sex — it's assault. If you or someone you know is sexually assaulted, there is help available, and you have rights. Before going to college, it's a good idea to figure out where these resources (like a sexual assault response center, or the school's Title IX office) are located, and how to access them if you need to. And know that sexual assault is never the victim's fault.
To prevent unwanted pregnancy and reduce the risk of getting an STI, you should always use a barrier method, no matter what type of sexual contact you're engaging in. If your partner protests, you reserve the right to walk away.
Now that you're living away from your parents, it's your job to make sure you stay healthy. That means going to the doctor regularly, getting your teeth cleaned, and getting regular STI tests, if you're sexually active. You can go to your regular doctor, a campus clinic, a local Planned Parenthood, or any kind of STI testing clinic to get tested. If you're nervous about getting tested, you can read more on what it feels like here. Once you know your status, it makes it that much easier to talk to sexual partners about theirs, which is another step you should definitely be taking to prevent STIs.
Sex can help you explore your identity and may play an integral part in your college experience in many ways. But it's neither a requirement nor a definition of who you are. If you don't want to have sex in college, don't do it. Trust us, you're not missing out, and you're not doing college "wrong." This advice isn't all or nothing either. Don't feel pressured to have certain kinds of sex just because it seems like you should to have a "typical" college experience — there is no such thing!
If you do want to have sex but don't have anyone to do it with, it can seem like college is the sex-fest movies make it out to be, that is for everyone except you. Rest assured, this is not the case. Whether it's a new relationship, a random hookup, or some luck on a dating app, you will find someone to have sex with eventually. In the meantime, it's best to take a deep breath and focus on your friends and school. Like we said before, sex doesn't define who you are, and it doesn't make you a different kind of person. When it comes, it comes — pardon the pun.
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