College Girl Pleasures Herself For Ex-Boyfriends

College Girl Pleasures Herself For Ex-Boyfriends

My Best Friend Went Down On Me On A Girls’ Night Out & It Didn’t Ruin Our Friendship

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By Tyneka Martin

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Girls’ night is a must for me—there are few things I love more than getting together with my best friend dishing about our latest relationship dramas while eating an insane amount of tacos. However, this particular night was unlike any other. Our weekly ritual of face masks and Gossip Girl turned into the infamous bedroom scene from Black Swan .
Tequila was definitely involved. The night started off just like any other. It was the end to an unusually stressful work week and my best friend and I decided to ditch the wine and go for something a bit more potent. At about four shots and two mixed drinks in, things started to get interesting…
The foreplay was probably the best part. A long gaze turned into a gentle touch, which led to a light peck, and then boom! Full-blown making out. The most intimate thing I’ve ever done with my best friend was probably a drunken birthday kiss, so this was not the norm for our relationship. Her hands went to all the right places and my body responded willingly. Why was she so good at this? I mean, she’s my best friend, so I knew she’d never done anything like this before (I think?) but she was such a natural.
It felt totally natural and unforced. We didn’t talk about it, we just went for it. Our body language was speaking volumes, so I knew this was something we both wanted to do. My first sexual experience with a girl was about to happen and it felt like I was about to go on a shopping spree—I was just that excited. Everything about it was just right . Before I knew it, we were both fully undressed and groping like teenagers.
She was better than any other guy I’ve been with. Guys, please take notes. It’s not a sprint but a marathon. Take your time and really appreciate the beautiful flower in front of your face. Most guys tend to fall short in this department because there’s no dedication. You have to commit to the act at hand while also paying extra close attention to detail. When her lips met my other lips, I knew there was no going back. Her execution was gentle but still so commanding.
When it was my turn to return the favor, I didn’t hesitate. I dived in head first, literally. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to deliver what I’d just received, but I’m no quitter. I was shocked at how fluid all my movements were. We were in sync with one another and it all just flowed. I didn’t feel nervous about whether I was doing a good job or not because her moans told me all I needed to know.
I felt more in touch with myself. Maybe it was the tequila working its magic, but a dormant place had been awakened inside of me and it was singing. I’m usually not that comfortable with letting it all hang out, but none of that mattered. Our two bodies were coming together and it felt totally empowering. Despite having unshaven legs, chipping toenail polish, and hair all over the place, I felt sexier than ever before.
It was so good, we went back for round two. The first time was amazing, but we didn’t consider it a mistake or anything to be embarrassed about. A few more shots re-warmed our bodies and got those juices back flowing. This time around, things were a little more calculated but still fulfilling. I think we both knew this probably wouldn’t happen again, so why not make the most of it?
I slept like a baby. I even remembered what my dream was about—that never happens! Despite what had occurred, there were no anxious thoughts trying to keep me awake and no signs of regret attempting to settle in. I’m no stranger to making terrible decisions when too much liquor starts flowing, but this wasn’t the case. I did start to feel a hangover trying to creep in, so I popped two ibuprofen and was out almost instantly.
The next morning, we talked briefly about what happened over breakfast. It was like talking about the weather, so nonchalant and casual. We were still somewhat in disbelief about what happened the night before but in no way was the conversation awkward. Really, there was nothing to feel awkward about. I complimented her tongue thrusting, she made a comment about my tongue ring, and we raved about how good the pancakes were all in the same breath.
We’re even better friends now. I’m not sure if it’s because we share something together that none of our other friends do or if it’s because we know what each other taste like. She’s always been someone I could tell my deepest darkest secrets to and now we had one of our own together. Bodily fluids were exchanged—how could we not become better friends? Although we’re nowhere near ashamed of what happened, we prefer to keep it between the two of us. It’s better that way.
The fact that my friend went down on me and we actually survived the experience with our friendship intact doesn’t mean I recommend you try the same thing. Here’s why.
Most friendships really won’t make it. The fact that my friend and I are still close is a rarity. The conventional wisdom is always that you should never cross the boundary into the bedroom with your friend if you actually want to stay friends and despite my experience to the contrary, to be honest, I kind of agree. I was the lucky one but I don’t think most other people would be so fortunate.
We had pent-up sexual tension anyway. My friend went down on me because we had a vaguely flirty relationship previously anyway. While we weren’t crushing on each other hard enough to want a relationship or anything, we were curious about one another sexually and took whatever opportunity we could get to pursue that. In other words, it didn’t really come out of nowhere.
We’re both confident in our sexuality. There was never going to be any drama afterward of us worrying what our hookup meant and if we’re lesbians now or whatever. Me and my friend are both pretty confident in our sexuality and how fluid it is. For others, this kind of experience might be pretty intense and confusing , but not for us.
We’re laid-back about sex and don’t take it too seriously. Neither of us believes that we should only sleep with someone we’re deeply in love with or anything. We’re totally into casual experiences and can take them for what they are without thinking too deeply about it.
Things can get messy really quickly. If you’re not prepared for something like this, sleeping with your friend can cause some really big problems. Not only could you lose a friendship but there could be other unforeseen circumstances you may not be prepared for. That’s why I’d advise people not to go there even though it was such a great experience for me.

Tyneka Martin
Ty Martin is a freelance writer specializing in women's health and relationships. She has written alongside many doctoral students during her undergraduate career, assisting in editing and research. Although she grew up in a small town just outside of Chicago, she's obsessed with everything New York and plans on living there one day soon.

Originally Published: May 31, 2018
1 They Still Keep Photos Of Their Ex
2 They Suggest Doing The Same Things With You That They Used To Do With Their Ex
3 They Bring Up Their Ex In Conversations Out Of Nowhere
4 They Get Defensive When You Address Your Concerns
5 They Make Suggestions On How You Should Act Based On How Their Ex Did
6 They Will Make The Effort To Reach Out On Their Ex's Birthday
7 They Keep In Touch With Their Ex's Family
8 They Will Avoid Talking About Their Ex If You Bring Them Up
9 They Don't Post Pictures Of The Two Of You On Social Media
10 They Always React To Their Ex's Social Media Posts
11 They Keep Things From You In Regards To Their Ex
12 They Will Make A Lot Of Excuses As To Why You Haven't Taken Your Relationship To The Next Level
13 They Still Get Emotional When They Talk About Their Ex
14 Most Of The Stories They Tell Involve Their Ex
16 They Are Critical About Your Dating History
17 They Still Have Texts From Their Ex On Their Phone
18 They Make Excuses For Why They're Still Interacting With Their Ex
19 They Can't Own Up To Their Mistakes
21 They Call Their Ex First When They Have Something To Share
22 They Still Keep Some Of Their Ex's Things At Their Place
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There’s a difference between a romantic history and lingering feelings.
As great as it would be to start a relationship with someone who's a total clean slate, you're likely going to date someone who already has some kind of romantic history. Although the healthiest option is to let the past stay in the past, sometimes people will enter into a new relationships without being completely over an ex. So, how do you know if your partner still isn't over their ex? According to experts, there are some behaviors you may want to pay attention to.
As a relationship coach, Jenna Ponaman, CPC, ELI-MP , tells Bustle that being with someone who's still hung up on their ex is never really a good sign. “Sure, we all have our moments where we may reminisce or think of our past partners from time to time,” she says, “but if you are still at the point where your partner can’t let go of what was then, that is a sign that it’s time to take care of you.”
When someone jumps into a new relationship before they're truly ready , it only sets both partners up for heartache. “You end up depriving your new partner of really getting to experience the real you,” Ponaman says. Meanwhile, the current partner will end up feeling a bit duped. Because of this, it’s worth figuring out where your partner stands with their ex.
So, how can you tell if your partner still isn't over their ex ? Here are some signs that you should look out for, according to experts.
This one is pretty obvious, but if your partner still keeps photos of their ex around, they’re not over them. “It might be in their wallet, on their desk, or somewhere more hidden than that, but it's something they’ll refuse to get rid of because they’re ‘still friends,’” Baltimore Therapy Center director, Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C , tells Bustle.
Keeping an old photo of a past love around usually won't be appreciated by a current partner. More often than not, it sends the message that someone is still holding on to something there. “If you're in this situation, express your feelings about the photo's presence in a calm but firm way,” Bilek says. You want to be direct in order to let your partner know that it's not OK with you. But it's also equally important to watch your tone. Refrain from sounding accusatory so it won't turn into a fight.
If your partner is still hung up on their ex, they may suggest doing the same things that they used to do with their past partner. For instance your partner may want to keep going to a restaurant that holds a lot of memories of their past relationship, or go bowling every other Thursday night because that's what they used to do with their ex.
“People that are still connected to their exes will still have emotional connection to the things and places they associate with them,” Ponaman says. “If they start a new relationship, even if they're still connected to an ex, it's natural that they would want to re-visit these places and try to replace the old memories with new ones.”
If you find this to be the case, it may be something to discuss with your partner.
This can be another fairly obvious one. If your partner is constantly finding ways to bring up their ex in your conversations , they may still be hung up on them . “This, of course, is unfair and uncool,” Jeannie Assimos, eharmony's chief of advice, tells Bustle. “I would definitely be concerned if I had to hear about an ex constantly, and felt they still had unresolved feelings for another person.”
If they tend to get heated or emotional when talking about the ex, this is also a sign that they haven't really let their past go . If you're in this situation, Assimos says, you have to protect your heart. “Be careful if someone has an ex that is still pretty intertwined in their life ,” she says. “Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and find out where the relationship stands. As the new partner in this person’s life, you should come first. Period.”
If you find yourself bringing up concerns with your partner about their ex and they lash out at you, that’s a major red flag. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Ashera DeRosa , “Defensiveness is typically an attempt to move away from shame, which begs the question: why is there shame there? We all have exes, and it's not uncommon to discuss relationship history, especially at the start of a new one. But if they get heated or defensive, then it's worth noting.”
When you address your concerns with your partner, do they immediately defend themselves or their actions? If so, you might want to consider why. It’s possible they might have something to hide, or that they feel guilty knowing that they’ve crossed boundaries.
If your partner isn't completely over their ex , they might make suggestions to you on how to behave in ways that are very similar to their ex. For instance, if their ex was more sensitive but you use humor to lighten the mood, your partner may tell you to be more sensitive.
“When you make suggestions to change your new partner's behavior, you’re trying to emotionally replace your ex by essentially replicating them into this new person,” Assimos says. If your partner is trying to make you be someone that you're not, it's definitely something to talk about. If this is the case, they're not really falling in love with you but the person they want you to become.
If your partner still makes the effort to do something out of the ordinary for their ex on their birthday or holidays, that may be a problem. As matchmaker and dating coach, Stef Safran tells Bustle, “That might mean that they are too connected currently.” Although she believes a “Happy Birthday” text is fine (given that they tell you and you're OK with it), anything else can be “a bit gray.”
The same goes for staying in contact in general. For instance, a 2016 study published in the journal Personal Relationships found a link between staying in contact with an ex and commitment to their current partner. Basically, people who make an effort to stay in touch with an ex tend to be less committed and less satisfied in their current relationship. They were also more likely to view their current partner as a back-up plan.
If your partner was with their ex for a really long time, they may have developed a close relationship with their ex's family. It may not be a huge deal if your partner keeps in touch with them every now and then, but it can be an issue if they're keeping in touch just to stay updated on their ex's life.
If this is the case, talk to your partner about how you feel. “Ultimately it is up to you whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone who may not be completely emotionally available for you just yet,” says dating and relationship coach Carla Romo .
If your partner has no problem bringing up their ex in conversation but refuses to talk about them if you bring it up, breakup coach Lee Wilson , tells Bustle, they might not have moved on. “This is a sign that it hurts too much to talk about and they probably still have deep feelings for the other person,” Wilson says.
If there's anger attached to it, that can also be very telling. According to Wilson, anger comes from deep hurt. If you bring up your partner's ex and they snap at you, they may still be hurting over how things ended. This doesn't necessarily mean that your partner wants to get back with them . “It's natural for it to bother you, but just know that it doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed or that your partner doesn't want to be with you,” Wilson says. “It's just part of being human.” They might just need more time to heal.
If your partner never posts pictures of you two on social media even after dating for some time, that's something to be aware of, relationship therapist Dr. Alisha Powell, Ph.D., LCSW , tells Bustle. After all, if you've been together for a while, what's there to hide? Of course, you can't always rely on social media to give you signs on how your relationship is going — your partner just may not be very active on Instagram or Facebook. But if social media use is important to you, your partner should take that into consideration. As Powell says, “If your partner doesn’t understand your concerns or blows you off, then you need to realize that [they] may not truly be serious about pursuing something long-term with you.”
“If your partner constantly keeps up on their ex's social media, then I would question if they are truly over them,” certified counselor and relationship expert David Bennett tells Bustle. It's one thing to remain friends on social media. It's another thing to constantly check on an ex's social media and then react emotionally to what they see. According to Bennett, if you're “over” someone, you ignore them. You may wonder if they're doing OK, but you won't make the effort to look them up on social media. While this, or any of the other signs, may not mean your partner wants to date their ex again — they may still have feelings for them. “If their ex ever comes back or shows interest, that is when problems may arise,” he says.
Especially if the relationship with their ex was serious, your partner should be upfront with you about it. DeRosa tells Bustle, “If the entire relationship is treated like a secret and you discover it only through mutual friends, it's a sign they may not be over their ex. If you find out six months in that they were engaged to a long-time partner and they've never mentioned it, it's fairly strange and could signify that feelings are unresolved there.” Hiding details about their dating history from you is a clear sign that something is off.
If your partner is not over their ex, you may feel their lack of commitment in your relationship. “They are hesitant to commit to future events or activities, so they make up excuses in order to justify their behavior,” dating and relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca, CLC , tells Bustle. “They don't use language that makes you feel special, so consequently you feel insecure in your relationship.”
Someone who is ready to be in a committed, long-term relationship with just you will make that known. You won't have to wonder if they're still thinking about their ex because they put in the effort to make plans with you and show you just how much they care about. If you're feeling that lack of connection, Sedacca says, acknowledge it: “Ask your partner directly and trust your gut about whether or not you can believe them.”
The way your partner speaks about their ex will give you insight into how they may be feeling about their ex. “If they become emotional, it's likely that there are unresolved feelings that still need to be addressed,” clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD , tells Bustle. Your partner may be in the middle of processing the breakup as they talk to you about it.
It's a huge red flag when most of your partner's notable life stories involve their ex. As Cat Blake, LICSW , psychotherapist and divorce coach, tells Bustle, “This means that they ha
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