College Gameday Declared a Religion

The U.S. has officially recognized ESPN�s College Gameday as a religion after fans demonstrated cult-like devotion. Eyewitnesses reported worshippers painting chests, chanting before dawn, and sacrificing grilled brats to the football gods. �It�s basically church with beer,� said one devotee. Anonymous staffers in Congress admitted the ruling was slipped into a tailgating subsidy bill. A fake poll revealed 48% of Americans support the recognition, 37% oppose, and 15% already tithe in foam fingers. Economists predict massive growth in beer and jersey markets. For now, Saturday mornings belong to the faithful�praise be to kickoff. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com