Collaring Submissive
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Collaring Submissive
What is the formal process for collaring a submissive?
I'm falling in love with my submissive. What should I do?
I am submissive, and I want to be a full time submissive. I want a sub/dom relationship where my dom doesn't have other submissives, and it’s like a ‘regular’ relationship. Is that possible?
How can I be a better naughty submissive for my dom? What are some good ideas?
Claimed subs may wear a collar, but are there any ways to signify to a dominant man (in the real world) that I'm an unattached submissive?
What can I do to stop myself from falling in love with my sub?
Answered 4 years ago · Author has 234 answers and 941.3K answer views
I'm falling in love with my submissive. What should I do?
I am submissive, and I want to be a full time submissive. I want a sub/dom relationship where my dom doesn't have other submissives, and it’s like a ‘regular’ relationship. Is that possible?
How can I be a better naughty submissive for my dom? What are some good ideas?
Claimed subs may wear a collar, but are there any ways to signify to a dominant man (in the real world) that I'm an unattached submissive?
What can I do to stop myself from falling in love with my sub?
Do Doms and subs have other sexual partners?
How do you prevent yourself from falling in love with your dom?
How do I find a submissive woman for BDSM play?
Is it normal for a domme to have sex with her sub?
I am in love with my dom but he's married. Do I tell him?
How does a brand new submissive find a good Dom (BDSM)?
In BDSM, how many masters can a submissive have?
What do you do to punish your BDSM submissive?
If you were in a Dom/Sub relationship, would the Dom ever have sex with anyone who was NOT his sub during their "relationship "?
Does a relationship with a submissive have to include BDSM?
I'm falling in love with my submissive. What should I do?
I am submissive, and I want to be a full time submissive. I want a sub/dom relationship where my dom doesn't have other submissives, and it’s like a ‘regular’ relationship. Is that possible?
How can I be a better naughty submissive for my dom? What are some good ideas?
Claimed subs may wear a collar, but are there any ways to signify to a dominant man (in the real world) that I'm an unattached submissive?
What can I do to stop myself from falling in love with my sub?
Do Doms and subs have other sexual partners?
How do you prevent yourself from falling in love with your dom?
How do I find a submissive woman for BDSM play?
Is it normal for a domme to have sex with her sub?
I am in love with my dom but he's married. Do I tell him?
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If by “collaring” you mean the event when a submissive becomes submissive to that specific dominant in a D/s relationship I haven’t heard of any commonly accepted formal process.
I’ve been in D/s relationships twice (as a submissive). In both cases it took a lot of time spent together and a lot of talks during which we talked over a lot - our likes and dislikes, hard and soft limits, common rules, interests and hobbies outside of the BDSM, work and normal life - pretty much about everything, and in the end when I was sure about those guys I in both cases simply asked those guys to be my dominan
If by “collaring” you mean the event when a submissive becomes submissive to that specific dominant in a D/s relationship I haven’t heard of any commonly accepted formal process.
I’ve been in D/s relationships twice (as a submissive). In both cases it took a lot of time spent together and a lot of talks during which we talked over a lot - our likes and dislikes, hard and soft limits, common rules, interests and hobbies outside of the BDSM, work and normal life - pretty much about everything, and in the end when I was sure about those guys I in both cases simply asked those guys to be my dominants.
There wasn’t any kind of a formal ritual or something if you mean that. But if both parties enjoy that kind of stuff you can come up with your own scenario or theatrical scene. The most important would be that you are both ok with this process.
I don`t know about any ~formal rules~, do they really exist?
My first experience with collar was like just my D said: it`s time for you to have a collar. That was really nice))
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If you need to learn more about what collars are before reading this post, I suggest This Collar, That Collar, Your Collar, My Collar.
What does it mean to be collared? It can mean many things to many different people. For some, it is a new beginning of a journey. For others, it is a step in the training process. It all depends on the Dominant you are with. For every Dominant has a different way of doing things.
There is some common ground though when it comes to the protocol:
How does one get to the point of being collared? This is probably one of the more confusing things for a submissive to understand because there is no clear-cut answer. There isn’t a formula one can use and arrive at that destination because every Dominant you meet may handle this step in a different manner. Some may not even use what we commonly think of as a collar, but rather a definitive mark such as a piercing or tattoo or even a piece of jewelry.
Many in the lifestyle take months or even years to come to this point in their journey. It is certainly not something to be rushed into. For many lifestylers, it is considered to be a bond greater than that of marriage. Would you rush into a marriage without knowing anything about the person you are marrying? I truly hope that the answer to that question for all of you is “No”.
It has the definite meaning to both the Dominant and the submissive. It is something to be cherished and respected just like any other type of union. I’d even go so far as to say it is sacred.
I have been fortunate to wear a collar both in real-life and online in my various journeys in this lifestyle. It was never something I rushed into and it was always something I viewed with respect. It was something that I had earned the right to wear. But how does one earn the right?
This is probably a confusing concept for some submissives because of what is commonly known as a Velcro collar. A Velcro collar really has no true meaning behind it and is given and taken away on a whim. Many would argue that it cheapens what a true collar means and I quite frankly have to agree. I say this because it’s not earned in any traditional sense.
Glad you finally got around to asking that question. In most cases it is earned by obeying your Dominant, completing your training, and advancing in your relationship to that step. There is no set timetable for this and it shouldn’t be rushed. It should also be something both parties mutually want.
Whether or not there is a ceremony is up to both parties. Usually, in my experience, it is a private affair but sometimes it is witnessed by close friends. It is a solemn occasion and one to be taken with seriousness. There is no right or wrong way to it. Though sometimes it may be followed by a party.
The important thing to remember in all of this is that it is something that you should treasure. A collar symbolizes your commitment and quite often your love and devotion to the Dominant. Why else would you wear it? That is truly the best part of it.
Kink Academy Videos on Collars and Collaring
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Ceremony Ideas For Your Official Collaring
A collaring ceremony can be a symbolic gathering between two or more people and a group of friends to honor a commitment. It’s often compared to a wedding in that it involves a kind of jewelry and vows, except instead of a ring placed on the bride and groom’s finger, it’s a collar placed around the submissive’s neck. Another difference between a wedding and a collaring is that a collaring ceremony does not have to have one male groom and one female bride. It can be a ceremony between any number of people in a relationship with any expression of gender. A collaring ceremony is also usually somewhat kinkier, since it’s used most often by those in the BDSM lifestyle. Collaring ceremonies are not nearly as bound by tradition as weddings are. Each collaring is unique to the people taking part and can be completely different those that have come before it. Those planning the ceremonies are free to shape their ceremony into whatever they want. But to some ceremony planners, all that freedom without any set guidelines can be daunting. There’s an overwhelming amount of ideas for weddings, but the information available for how to plan a collaring ceremony is much more limited. Where do you start? Here are some things to keep in mind while planning: The Mood & Theme Nature, fairies, Star Wars, Happy Potter, steam punk, Mad Max, traditional wedding – any of these would make for a memorable party. Want the mood darker, kinkier? Leather, dungeons, whips and chains would make for some appropriately inappropriate decor. And no matter what the mood or theme, no ceremony would be complete without music and candles. Make a playlist of songs that are meaningful to your relationship, and light a few candles in a color that compliments the other decorations. Guests Who do you want to be the witnesses of your ceremony? Do you want to be surrounded by friends and family? Supported by members of your close community in the lifestyle? Or keep it very private - an intimate date only between the people who are exchanging the vows? Having the ceremony be between just those exchanging vows can be just as meaningful as a large gathering. Be sure to send out invitations! Save the trees and keep it green by sending customized evites from sites like Punchbowl.com . For something you can hold and keep, print invitations on anything from paper, to metal, photos, cloth, even glass at a handmade invitation design studio like Karenbartolomei.com/ . (Because who wouldn’t want to see a BDSM-themed pop-up invitation?) Location Having a ceremony at home is a big win for those looking for something intimate and low budget, especially if they have a dedicated room for the lifestyle. A yard or garden for an outdoor celebration is another popular location for ceremonies where being together in nature is a must – weather permitting. If you have it at a public to semi-public location, make sure to check with the location’s policies well beforehand. Discuss your options and plans with the location or event manager. Being honest about what you’re looking for in the ceremony or ritual will allow them to bring your plans to fruition. Don’t be too shy when discussing your ceremony with them. Some locations might have specific areas or times of the day that they’ll be more open to public displays of alternative lifestyles. Even the more lifestyle-friendly venues might have policies regarding BDSM and nudity. If you’re serving alcohol or if children will be present, discuss this with the event or location managers well beforehand, and get their answers and policies in writing if possible. Attire The Collar The real centerpiece of a wedding ceremony is the ring – so the collar is the most important part of the collaring ceremony. Which one is right for your relationship? Despite what they’re used to wearing for play or out in public, for a collaring ceremony most people want a new collar that symbolizes their eternal devotion. They typically want one that can be worn day or night, in public or at play, that works well in vanilla setting or lifestyle parties, just like a wedding ring. If the submissive already has a collar, sometimes a simple upgrade is needed to a newer design or finish. Or course, not all collaring ceremonies necessarily need a collar or necklace. Locking bracelet cuffs or anklets are perfect for many relationship types. An engraved pendant is a great compliment to a locking collar. Ceremony or anniversary dates are popular engravings, as well as affectionate pet names. Clothes What are you wearing to your ceremony? What would make both the Dom and the sub feel beautiful and connected? You don’t need to be constrained by black tuxes and white dresses – though if that’s what you’re looking for, by all means, go for it. Keep the theme of the collaring ceremony in mind.
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