Cohabitation With My Sister
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Cohabitation With My Sister
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The day I decided to move to New York City, I didn’t so much ask my older sister if I could move in as tell her that I’d be squeezing myself into her apartment, “because Mom and Dad said it was OK.” Never mind that she lived in a 300-sq. ft. studio where you could watch TV, cook dinner, and blow dry your hair in the bathroom all without getting off the couch. Because of our closeness in age (16 months apart), growing up we’d shared friends with ease, toys badly, and clothing even worse. Still, we seemed to get the hang of the whole living together thing, despite the occasional screaming match (sorry, neighbors) and made it a whole seven years as roommates in tiny studios and one hastily converted two-bedroom until my grad school move broke us out of what was essentially the adult version of sibling bunkbeds.
(Figuratively, I mean. There weren’t actual bunkbeds —thank God).
Anyway, considering it yourself? I wouldn’t dissuade you. But I would share a few insights.
Reliving this aspect of your childhood cohabitation situation may sound like your version of a nightmare, but rooming with a sibling was actually a great solution for us. Together we could afford a slightly better setup, and we skipped the whole passive aggressive mess of living with strangers as roommates, or worse—friends who become ex-friends after sharing a space just didn’t work out. Those two benefits alone have proven their weight in gold a few years post-sibling living, but there are other upsides, too.
For one thing, it’s impossible to stay mad at a sibling. Unlike sharing a living space with a non-blood relative whose propensity for cooking fish three nights a week or clipping her toenails within earshot would bring you to a solid 9 on the rage scale, when it’s your sibling, you can speak your mind without fear of offending him or her. Then have it out. Then 10 minutes later watch Top Chef on the couch like nothing happened. Not allowing resentment or anger to build over time is a huge plus.
But it’s not all Tia and Tamera, of course. There are plenty of drawbacks that may require you to adjust your outlook, your routine, or even call in reinforcements (read: Mom and Dad). If one of you monopolizes a resource (like the bathroom during prime getting-ready-for-work hours, for example), it escalates from being the nuisance it was when you were 15 to more of a capital “P” Problem. My sister making me late for homeroom was one thing, but you can’t exactly tell your boss you missed the meeting because “my sister takes 20 minute showers just to piss me off.” Like any roommates, we had to work out a schedule to keep things fair. Unlike sisters, we always had to stick to it. The pain points we had as kids were exacerbated when we realized that, in many cases, nothing had changed over time.
Speaking of not changing, if one of you has always been the responsible one and the other loses her cell phone/keys/wallet every day that ends with “y,” it can be easy to fall back into the pattern of thinking your sibling will always be there to fix your shit. This is decidedly less charming when you’re 30 then it was at 13. Laying ground rules up front can help.
In the end, deciding to live with a sibling comes down to whether the two of you have a desire to pool your resources to upgrade your living situation , can set aside the stigma of saying you live with a brother or sister, and don’t mind seeing the aforementioned brother or sister in a walk of shame context. If you answered “yes” to all three, then sibling living is for you. Plus, it’ll score you major points with your parents, who will be so busy congratulating themselves for raising two kids who get along with each other enough to willingly opt to live together (and, praise be, not in their house) that they’ll throw you a little extra grocery money next time they roll through town. So in that way, it’s a win/win.
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