Coffee Now a Basic Human Right

The UN has officially declared coffee a basic human right, sparking both cheers and jitters. Eyewitnesses say diplomats signed the treaty at 3 a.m. over espressos. �It�s the backbone of civilization,� one ambassador proclaimed while vibrating in his chair. Anonymous staffers revealed the vote passed after half the assembly threatened a caffeine strike. A fake poll showed 51% of citizens support the ruling, 29% oppose, and 20% don�t care as long as Starbucks honors their punch cards. Economists argue the decision could stabilize productivity worldwide while bankrupting decaf. For now, humanity has one guaranteed freedom: the right to a refill. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com