Coffee Makers Lead Early-Morning Bootcamps

This satire imagines coffee makers leading early-morning bootcamps, parodying fitness classes and motivational workouts. Humor comes from timed caffeine sprints, drip-based endurance drills, and espresso-shot energy challenges. The article mocks formulaic fitness guidance, obsession with �jump-starting your day,� and absurdly literal approaches to �brewing energy.� Surreal scenarios include filter-fueled strength exercises, pot-level team drills, and steam-driven cardio sessions. Laughter arises from imagining appliances seriously coaching humans. Anthropomorphizing coffee makers highlights absurdity of bootcamp culture. It resonates because coffee makers are familiar, making the humor playful, clever, and whimsically absurd.