Co-Worker Blames Mercury Retrograde

A missed project deadline has been officially blamed on Mercury retrograde in a company-wide email. The employee, a mid-level marketer, wrote a detailed three-page report linking the planetary alignment to server outages, miscommunications, and her own "vibrational misalignment." HR is now considering "astrology-based performance plans" after traditional methods failed. The company's IT department has started including astrological forecasts in their outage reports. "The routers are feeling Capricorn today, so expect delays," a recent memo read. Productivity has plummeted, but morale is strangely high. Everyone feels better knowing their failures aren't their fault�they're written in the stars. The CEO is consulting an astrologer to pick the most auspicious day for layoffs. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com