Clitclock
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Clitclock
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Ro White
Ro White is a Chicago-based writer, sex educator, and Autostraddle’s Sex & Dating Editor.
Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS, at Civilized.
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The clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings—roughly double the number in a penis.
If your partner has a vulva, they might enjoy penetrative sex, but you’ll need to stimulate the clitoris to take them over the edge. A 2017 study published in the journal Sex and Marital Therapy found that only 18% of women can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. The rest either require or prefer clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse.
The clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings , which is roughly double the number in a penis. In her book Come As You Are , sex researcher Emily Nagoski writes that the clitoris is the “Grand Central Station of erotic sensation.” But despite its critical role in pleasure and arousal, researchers haven’t always given the clitoris the attention it deserves. The clitoris was omitted from some early medical textbooks. We didn’t even have a 3D model of the clitoris until 2009 . Thankfully, we now know more about its structure than ever before, and you can use this knowledge to stimulate the clitoris.
The clitoris is like an iceberg—it’s larger than you think. There’s a tiny nub at the top of a vulva where the inner labia meet (that’s the glans), but the majority of the clitoris is actually underneath the skin . The full clitoris is shaped kind of like a wishbone that runs along the sides of the vulva and extends up to five inches inside the body. You may have noticed your partner’s vulva puffs up before or during sex. That’s because the clitoris is composed of erectile tissue that swells during arousal, just like the penis.
Because the clitoris is both an internal and external structure, some researchers believe that “ G-spot orgasms ” don’t exist —they’re actually internal clitoral orgasms. For this piece, however, we’re going to focus on the parts of the clitoris that you can access externally.
Even though the clitoris is a highly erogenous zone , it’s not a magic button. You can’t just poke it and expect your partner to moan in ecstasy. For the best clitoral stimulation, you need to stay consistent and pay attention to your partner’s feedback.
Before you try something new, you should ask your partner to tell you or show you what they like. But in the event they’re not sure exactly what feels great (or they’re in the mood to explore), here are some tips from sex experts about how to go about stimulating the clitoris.
The most sensitive part of the clitoris is located where the labia meet, but it can be hard to find the right spot, especially if you’re in low lighting. “The easiest way to find the clit by touch is by asking your partner to place your fingers on it—there’s no shame in that,” explains Allison Moon, sex educator and author of Girl Sex 101 . “Some clits are more prominent than others. It’s better to ask than to diddle a part that definitely isn’t it.”
If you’re not sure where to start, cup your partner’s vulva and let them control the movement and pressure. “Create a firm base with your palm that your partner can hump or grind against,” Moon says. “Ask them to move their hips against your hand to demonstrate the kind of motion that feels good to them.”
While some people love direct clitoral stimulation on the glans, others might find it’s too intense. If your partner has a particularly sensitive clitoris, Moon recommends stimulating the area around the glans by stroking the clitoral hood or either side of the clitoral shaft.
“Imagine the clit has a clock on it, where the top point, closest to their bellybutton, is twelve, and the spot closest to their vaginal opening is six,” says sex-hacker and sexpert Kenneth Play . “ Move along their clit around the clock with a finger or sex toy , starting from twelve and going in a circle slowly, asking them to let you know which spot feels the best.”
Once you find the right location, try different ways of touching it, Play explains. “The things you can vary are pressure, friction, speed, and angle,” he says. You can tell them to make a noise, squeeze your hand, or say something when it feels particularly good.
As the adage goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” The most common frustrating thing men do is change things up too much, says Play. Once you find what works, keep doing it. “You don’t need a million different tricks, you just need to find the thing they like, and consistently repeat it,” he says. “Let it build up enough to spill over.”
“Put your fingers in a peace sign and with lots of lube , slide them up and down on the inside of their outer lips, around the inner lips,” explains Anne Louise Burdett, a certified Sex Educator and CEO of TOCA , an organic CBD line of intimacy lubricants. “Here you are stimulating the extended internal structure of the clitoris. This is erectile tissue that becomes highly sensitive when engorged, making the area hotter, filled with blood and pulsing.” Make sure that you use plenty of lube; this does not feel pleasurable without it.
“Slide or bring the heel of your hand to the hood of their clitoris,” Burdett says. Have your partner breathe and ask them if they want more or less pressure. “You may want to repeat this, pulse, or slide.” You can also apply pressure with other things besides your hands, including sex toys .
“Spread your fingers and lay them flat over your partner’s outer labia, and then alternate pressure between your fingers,” Burdett says. As always, explore pressure and rhythm, and ask your partner what feels best. “Here you are stimulating the clitoral bulbs under the outer labia, which is an essential way to signal to the body to produce lubrication and fill the area with blood to increase pleasure and sensitivity vastly.”
The future of sex is here, and there are hundreds if not thousands of toys created to stimulate the clitoris directly. There’s even been a surge in clitoral suction devices (a.k.a. clit suckers) that provide a unique stimulation that your hands simply can’t—no matter how hard you may try. Here are some to try.
Swap deep penetration for deep clitoral pleasure. In the CAT sex position, the insertive partner holds themselves over the receptive partner—like in missionary—but they shift their body forward so their penis or dildo is pointing down. That way, as the insertive partner moves their shaft toward their partner's vagina, it rubs against the clitoris on the way there.
(Men’s Health) 11 New Ways to Stimulate Your Partner’s Clitoris
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I teach you all about my clit-clock method in the article 11 New Ways to Stimulate Your Partner’s Clitoris by Ro White and Zach Zane for Men’s Health!
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Anal sex. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a huge fan. I love butt sex for a multitude of reasons. Even though it's something more people of all genders and orientations are exploring and enjoying, there's still an element of it being taboo that turns me on. I also...
Read my recommendations in 8 Sex Positions That’ll Make You a Rim Job Pro by Jill Hamilton for Cosmopolitan
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Female pleasure is too often viewed as either optional, hopelessly complicated, or a show or achievement for men. But it shouldn't be. It should be a normal, everyday, expected part of sex. And that's not a difficult goal to achieve. As "sex hacker" Kenneth Play proves in his online courses , you don't need to have a big penis, last all night, or be blessed with special talents to satisfy someone with a vulva. All you really need is open-mindedness, communication, and a bit of information — and that's where Play's courses come in.
Good sex is "about adopting a growth mindset to sexuality," Play tells Bustle. The quality of your sex life is not determined by your innate abilities but by your "effort and ability to learn," he explains. "The one thing I would teach anyone is that their sex life can change drastically if they put some effort into learning. We can learn to cook so much better, we can create amazing foods — we can adopt the same attitude to sexual experiences. We can get so much better."
Play's courses cover many topics, from oral sex to squirting, as well as lots of sex techniques you don't normally hear about. Here are a few to learn if you want to make sex more pleasurable for yourself or your partner.
Only about one in four cis women report regularly orgasming during intercourse. But there's a simple solution to this: It's called playing with the clitoris.
Play has a few tried-and-true techniques to do this. To do it manually, you can press a palm down on your partner's leg to hold yourself up and rub their clit with your thumb.
If you have trouble coordinating that, an easier method is to use a vibrator . First, let your partner place it, since they know what feels best. Then, take over yourself, or let your partner control it and add pressure if you like by holding their ankles. If the sensation becomes less intense, you can increase it by taking the vibrator off for a second and putting it back on.
The clitoris may look small, but don't be fooled: On top of its many parts beyond the visible tip , different parts of the tip have differing sensitivities for many people.
To find out where on the clitoris your partner likes to be touched the most, Play recommends the "clit clock game," where you imagine the clitoris is a clock and find out which "times" your partner prefers.
To do this, you'll first want to pull back the clitoral hood . Some clitorises are really sensitive when touched directly, so be gentle. Slowly move your finger around the clock and ask for feedback, then stick around at your partner's favorite hour.
Many describe blended orgasms — those that arise from both clitoral and vaginal stimulation — as especially intense. There are a few ways to accomplish this, but two involve combining your tongue and hands.
One is what Play calls the "lost art of tongue-f*cking." To do this, move your tongue in and out of your partner's vagina while resting your hand on their pubic bone and rubbing their clit with your thumb.
However, this method gets tiring pretty fast, so you'll probably have the most success licking your partner's clit with a finger or two half an inch inside, rubbing the upper vaginal wall in a "come hither" motion.
You usually think of squirting as something that happens through penetration. But one of Play's videos shows him making a woman squirt through clitoral stimulation.
First, he pinches her outer lips, sliding the clitoris in between them as he rubs up and down, then he lubes up his finger and touches her clit directly, playing the clit cock game and stroking her favorite spot up and down. Then, to stroke faster, he hovers over her upper body and stimulates her clit from above.
To use another technique, he rubs the back of his knuckles up and down her vulva, then returns to her favorite six o'clock technique. This won't necessarily work for everyone, but the point is to stimulate your partner however they like best. Your partner may also need to learn how to engage their pelvic floor muscles for squirting, which is explained in Play's squirting course .
Another way to make someone squirt is by inserting toys. Play recommends the NJoy Pure Wand . To kill two birds with one stone, you can lube up the toy by pouring lube above your partner's vulva and massaging them with it, which will also warm them up. Then, move it back and forth over the clit before moving it down, applying pressure to the bottom of the vagina, pushing it in, and rocking it in and out. For extra stimulation, you can also have your partner hold a vibrator on their clitoris.
To learn about more techniques for pleasing vulva owners, you can head to Play's website to check out his courses.
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