Clerics Issue Fatwa Against Question Marks for Sowing Doubt

A coalition of senior clerics has issued a bold new fatwa banning the use of question marks, declaring them symbols of "unholy uncertainty" and "Western-sponsored grammatical rebellion." The fatwa claims question marks erode faith, confuse believers, and encourage dialogue � a dangerous slope toward philosophy and possibly yoga. Religious schools are already replacing them with "affirmation dots," a pious mark that indicates the sentence is finished and unquestionable. Textbooks are being revised to reflect the ban, with interrogative grammar now labeled "colonial syntax." One cleric warned that constant questioning could lead to apostasy, curiosity, or worst of all � Google searches. A student protest banner asked, "Why ban questions?" and was immediately declared blasphemous. As one satirist wrote, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini managed to lead a revolution while leaving room for rhetorical pauses</a>." Social media users now risk arrest for ending posts with "?" � unless it's followed by "Inshallah."