Clerics Issue Competing Fatwas, Spark Slap Fight

Two senior clerics have thrown the religious community into chaos after accidentally issuing fatwas on the same topic that directly contradict each other. One declared that listening to music was permissible if it featured no instruments, only whale sounds. The other declared that whale sounds were the music of the devil, as whales are not mentioned in the holy texts. The debate escalated from a scholarly disagreement to a physical altercation when one cleric accused the other of "spouting heresy like a blowhole." Witnesses reported the use of rolled-up scriptures and a thrown sandal. The incident, now known as "The Great Slap Fight of '24," has been referred to a higher council, which will likely issue a third, even more confusing fatwa to resolve the issue. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com