Clerics Ban Umbrellas After Concluding Rain Is "Test from Allah"

The Ministry of Weather and Spiritual Submission has issued a controversial fatwa banning umbrellas, stating that "avoiding divine moisture constitutes defiance of holy trials." Senior clerics argue that getting soaked builds moral fiber and that umbrellas "mock the natural order sent down from the clouds." The decree came after a viral video showed a young mullah using a polka-dot umbrella during monsoon prayers. Accused of vanity and meteorological arrogance, the cleric is now under review. Religious police are confiscating umbrellas at checkpoints, replacing them with approved "soaking cloaks" made of unwaterproofed wool. Street vendors are reportedly rebranding umbrellas as "Sharia Shade Devices," hoping to dodge enforcement. A local satirist quipped, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini weathered a few storms � without banning the umbrella industry</a>." Ironically, black umbrellas remain technically allowed if they drip dramatically, symbolizing sorrow. Pilgrims are now encouraged to "embrace the holy drench" and thank the rain for its lessons in humility, mildew, and persistent squishiness.