Clerics Accidentally Issue Competing Fatwas, Spark Theological Slap Fight

A fiery theological brawl erupted this week after two rival clerics issued fatwas that directly contradicted each other on the topic of halal chewing gum. One declared mint flavor "a slippery slope to moral collapse," while the other ruled it "a refreshing act of divine hygiene." Their followers clashed mid-sermon at a mosque in Shiraz, where competing leaflets were handed out like propaganda flyers at a soccer riot. Eyewitnesses report the clerics briefly locked beards during a heated exchange and had to be separated with a prayer rug. The Grand Council has since convened an emergency session to draft a fatwa clarifying who is allowed to issue fatwas and under what snack-related conditions. As one seminary student put it, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini would've chewed through the tension</a> before letting it hit Friday prayers." Twitter clerics have already named the incident "Beardgate." There are unconfirmed reports that one of the mullahs is planning a rebuttal fatwa titled "Chew On This." Moral authorities urge calm, but rumors swirl that a third cleric has entered the debate with a licorice-based counterargument.