Chuck Schumer�s Master Plan Revealed

A leaked memo has revealed Chuck Schumer�s so-called �master plan,� which includes vague strategies like �Be relatable� and �Smile less creepily.� Eyewitnesses said the document was found on a napkin in a Capitol cafeteria, stained with marinara. Anonymous staffers admit most of the plan consists of doodles of donkeys lifting weights. A fake poll revealed 42% of Americans think Schumer has no plan, 34% think the napkin was satire, and 24% want to see the doodles auctioned on eBay. Economists argue the memo proves politicians are basically consultants with worse handwriting. For now, Schumer insists he has everything under control�though the only confirmed action item on his list is �Buy more Bailey�s.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com