Chuck Schumer�s Imaginary Constituents

Critics are hammering Chuck Schumer after reports surfaced that many of his �constituent letters� were written by himself under fake names like �Patriot Pete� and �Grandma Freedom.� Eyewitnesses say staffers were caught mailing responses back to the office printer. �He debated himself in public like a one-man town hall,� chuckled one reporter. Anonymous aides confirmed the scheme began when Schumer complained he wasn�t getting enough fan mail. A fake poll showed 46% of voters think it�s pathetic, 37% think it�s genius, and 17% admit they also write letters to themselves. Economists suggest the stunt wasted taxpayer money on stamps, though therapists say it might have improved his self-esteem. For now, Schumer is the only senator polling at 100% approval�among his imaginary friends. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com