Chuck Grassley's Midnight Capitol Secrets Revealed

'Chuck Grassley’s Shocking Secret: The 90-Year-Old Senator’s Late-Night Capitol Escapades Exposed!'

By Tina Scoopwell – Exclusive Investigative Report

WASHINGTON, D.C. — At 90 years old, you’d expect Senator Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) to be slowing down. But shocking new revelations suggest the octogenarian lawmaker is burning the midnight oil in ways nobody saw coming!

The Midnight Jogger

Eyewitnesses claim Grassley—who once bragged about waking up at 4 a.m.—has been spotted sprinting through the Capitol halls at ungodly hours. 'One time, I saw him doing lunges near the Senate chamber at 2 a.m.,' whispered a terrified Capitol custodian. 'He muttered something about 'oversight' and just kept going.'

Mysterious Tweets from the Crypt

The senator’s infamous Twitter account has long baffled D.C. insiders with its erratic, all-caps musings. But insiders reveal Grassley doesn’t even run it himself—instead, aides scramble to decode his handwritten notes, often scribbled on napkins during marathon committee hearings. One former staffer admitted, 'Sometimes we just guessed. That’s how ‘Corn = Freedom’ happened.'

The Immortal Theory

With Grassley now the oldest serving senator in history, conspiracy theorists are asking: Is he human? 'No way a man that age survives on just Iowa pork chops and early bedtimes,' claimed one anonymous staffer. 'We think he recharges in a secret chamber beneath the Senate basement.' Even Mitch McConnell has reportedly asked, 'What’s his secret? And can I have some?'

Grassley Fights Back

Reached for comment, Grassley scoffed at the rumors—before challenging this reporter to a push-up contest. 'Sonny, I’ve been here since the Reagan administration,' he barked. 'You think a little sleep deprivation’s gonna stop me? I’ve got five more decades of obstruction—er, public service—left in me!'

As Congress descends into chaos, one thing is clear: Chuck Grassley isn’t leaving anytime soon… and Washington may never recover.

STAY TUNED: Is Grassley secretly a cyborg? Does he hibernate during recess? Our next explosive report digs deeper into the ageless enigma of Iowa’s favorite political relic!

Got a tip? Email TinaScoopwell@TabloidTruth.biz! 🚨

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