Chubby Goth Girl

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Chubby Goth Girl
Today is my ‘day off’, which means I only work a small shift at my second job. In celebration of this rarity I have chosen to lounge on the sofa under a furry blanket, black coffee in hand, Beethoven on the stereo, and fluffy kitty purring next to me. The setting through my balcony doors is a typical fall day, gray skies and colored leaves. I typically spend mornings like this at the gym, but today I decided to embrace a little R and R. To enjoy the season. 
It’s fall. I love fall. I love leaves. I love chilly winds. I love candles. I love harvest produce. I love cinnamon, and hot drinks, and crockpot dinners, and snuggling, and hoodies, scarves….costumes. You know it and I know it, this is the most magical time of the year. 
It is also the time of year for pumpkin EVERYTHING, and sadly, those of us trying to lead a healthy lifestyle can’t be too careful about our pumpkin needs. Yes, they are NEEDS. We start to see colorful displays at the grocery stores, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bread, pumpkin blah blah blah. 
The good news is that we too have options. Lots of them. Pumpkins are seriously good for us, and with some creativity, no one needs to miss out on this incredible season. 
Here is a recipe I recently perfected for an easy and very healthy Pumpkin Cheesecake. Enjoy! 
1 ½-2 cups pumpkin puree [your choice, I used a whole can but everyone has a different preference, also homemade puree has a sweeter flavor]
½ cup soy flour, or vanilla protein powder
½ cup unsweetened almond milk, or other nut milk
½ packet of unflavored gelatin [optional, this will only affect consistency]
*Starting with the cottage cheese, pulse ingredients in a blender or food processor until whipped and smooth. It is best to add ingredients one at a time as the mixture will thicken and become difficult to blend. A tip, add the pumpkin LAST and stir with a whisk if need be. Blend on high until slightly foamy and fluffy.
*Pour into an ungreased pie plate. Sprinkle ½ cup coconut sugar over the top and bake for 60 minutes. An option is to also drizzle agave nectar on the top of the coconut sugar for a decorative effect. 
*Allow to cool for several hours in the fridge before serving with pure maple syrup drizzled over top. 
This is a seriously easy dessert to make while juggling a busy schedule. Between my work and fitness schedule, I was able to make two, yes TWO of these bad boys this past week. It has been awesome to be able to indulge in the best flavors of fall with such little effort. 
I can’t wait to experiment with more fun fall recipes! <3 
P.s: As of last week’s weigh in I have lost 13 lbs since the beginning of the contest three weeks ago. I think I lost even more since then! Thanks for all of your support! 
People ask me all the time what my workout is, how I lost so much weight. My workout is pretty straightforward: I work out. Sometimes it’s cardio [it’s mostly cardio], sometimes it’s weights, etc. Just whatever I feel like doing. 
The real task was overcoming my food addictions, training myself to eat the right way. I won’t lie, I can still slam a chili dog. The point is that I don’t do it every day. 
I learned about calories, non fiber carbs, a high protein diet. All of that. I taught myself to read labels, watch my sodium and sugar intakes. To think “are the 150 calories and shit ton mg’s of sugar in this bottle of juice really necessary when I can drink 0 calories in a bigger bottle of water with some sliced lemons or cucumbers?”. Or better yet, “Do I want 1000 calories of a mcdonalds cheeseburger and medium french fry, or 300-400 calories in this kickass feta, ham and arugula and whole wheat flatbread wrap?”. 
It’s all about choices. I’m not strict about it, just AWARE. If you are aware of what you are eating, and you exercise relatively regularly, you will lose weight. I know this, because I did. 
This post is not so much about calorie education, that’s what google is for. Research a proper diet, and choose a routine that works for you. I love to cook, so finding food substitutions was easy for me. The real problem was regulating it. Being a hairdresser, and also working retail, I have a real problem with ‘forgetting’ to eat all day, and then slamming down 2000 calories in one sitting. That shit ain’t gonna cut it when you wanna get that booty firmed up. I pre-plan my meals, I get creative with the crockpot, I AVOID most breads, rice, pastas, salts, and sugars. I over-use the hot sauce on basically everything I eat. Franks Red Hot Sauce goes on everything. 
Here is one day’s worth of food, an example of what I eat. 
2 Slices Uncured Turkey Bacon, crispy
1 Organic Egg, Scrambled, with chopped veggies from the night before [In the pic, I used Onions and Yellow Bell Peppers]
*At breakfast, I try to go heavy on the protein, because I need the energy to deal with people. I mean, yeah. I need energy. So do you. 
small spoonful of light italian dressing
*I’m lazy about lunch. I always have to make it the night before so I am sure to have something substantial to keep me going. Otherwise I forget to grab something when I leave, and then I end up at the bread store next to my salon getting free samples of cinnamon bread. NO. BAD. BREAD IS BAD. 
I didn’t take any pics of my snacks, because they are boring. Usually it’s a slice of 2% milk american cheese, or a banana, or another yogurt. Just…something. I usually need 100-200 extra calories somewhere in the afternoon or I start to crash really bad, and I can’t have that when I work two jobs. The more calories you consume, the more you have to burn off. Just make sure you are burning off what you bring in. I hear gals all the time talking about limiting themselves to 1000 calories a day. That just sounds miserable. I don’t see how you can function on no fuel. I stick to 1200-1400 calories, because I am always on my feet. I NEED that energy. 
Ground Turkey and Red Quinoa Crockpot Chili
1 can organic beans, rinsed [I used black]
1 organic tomato, chopped [I like mine chunky, so I used big slices]
1 lb organic ground turkey, browned
……..AND…..UH……FRANKS RED HOT SAUCE. 
Dump all of this into a crockpot. 6-8 hours on low, 4-5 hours on high. 
I ate mine with a whole wheat pita quarter [NOT a whole pita]. 
I’m always so goddamned burned out at the end of the day. I love pizza, I love cheese, I love bread and meat. When I get home…if I don’t have dinner in the crock waiting for me, I’m likely to say 'fuck it’ and go to whatever is closest and get something pre-made. 
Don’t do what I do. It sucks, you feel like shit, you wake up with a heartburn. 
Have fun with it. Invest in tiny, cute plates and bowls. I like to buy kiddy utensils with stupid cartoon characters on them. Lunchboxes. Bentos. That kinda thing. Or get some little old lady china from the thrift store. Make every meal an EVENT, just for you. 
So anyway. There ya go. One day of recipes for you. And get your ass off the couch. Go be active, somewhere, somehow. 
My progress from December 2012 to June of 2013. I do not have a more recent bikini shot ;)
Let’s start with that. I have always been a sad person, always felt trapped inside of a box with peepholes to see the happy people around me. 
I wear every moment on the outside. My weight reflects the years of pain and sadness I’ve lived. I could tell you each sob story, but really that’s all any of it is. A sob story. I started sneaking alcohol before I was even ten years old. I started smoking a few years after that. When my parents divorced, I ate my feelings. Donuts, candy, burger king. 
In high school I discovered drugs. I started slow with cigarettes in the bathroom and ditching study hall to smoke weed at the park. Pretty soon I began to bring alcohol to school. I don’t know why particularly, but my therapist tells me I was attempting to self medicate. To reach out because I was suffering. Okay. We’ll go with that. 
That resulted in a very unfortunate chain of events. Sometimes..people need to be left alone to make their own bad choices. When all of your problems become public knowledge all at once, before you’re ready, it can have catastrophic results. Especially when you are still trying to figure out who you are. I still have scars on my arms from this time of my life. They’ll never go away. That pain is still there, and sadly, I’m still not ready to talk about it. 
I spent some time in rehab, switched schools, switched lives. However, I did not stop making poor choices. In fact I made bigger, stupider choices. I started experimenting with hallucinogens on a regular basis. I took muscle relaxers every day at school. Then I discovered diet pills. I took on average two to three, or even four Stacker 3’s on any given day. I liked to feel like I was flying. From there I moved on to Adderall, which I was prescribed with. I would crush it up and snort it. I probably don’t need to say that my grades at school were pretty good at that point. Also, I barely ate a thing. I was tiny. 
Then, I met my first serious boyfriend. I was 17. He did a lot of cocaine, and being young and impressionable, I found cocaine to be glamorous and exciting. For about a year and a half I used as often as I could. I dropped out of school, I ran away from home, I slept in his truck. I worked full time and never had money. It was NOT glamorous, it was a trainwreck. It’s the kind of story that non-addicts make fun of addicts for having because they don’t understand. I guess I can appreciate that, we look pretty funny when our noses bleed out and we crawl on the carpet looking for specks of coke 
I was just a child. I threw away my youth. It wasn’t him, it wasn’t the drugs…it was ME. I did it to myself. Because I was miserable, I hated myself, and at the time, I did not care if I lived or died. 
That changed. Without going to into specifics, I hit rock bottom. And I do mean ROCK BOTTOM. The only thing, the ONLY thing that kept me going was the love of my mother, not wanting to break her heart. I knew that she needed me, that she loved me more than anything. I slowly started to crawl out of the cage I’d put myself in, saw the sunlight. It’s taken years of recovery, and a lot of those years were spent devouring food to replace the hole that this addiction had left behind. 
However, it is time to transform. To go back in time, to evolve and rise from the ashes as a new person. A wiser person, a happy person. 
My body is that vessel. With each pound I shed, I will too shed the horrible memories attached to it. I AM worth it, my life is NOT over, and people DO love me. 
I began this transformation in February of 2013. I weighed in at 252 lbs of ugly, fat fattiness. I have lost around 50 lbs since then. I am happier, more alert, more energetic, more POSITIVE. I do my job better [a hairstylist], and have more fun when I go out. I had already quit smoking about 6 months before as well. 
Now for the second half. I have joined a local Biggest Loser competition, which starts on Sept 9th. This blog will track my progress, my recipes, my good and bad feelings, and also a shit ton of selfies. The prize is $500, and I plan to WIN it. 
Thanks for reading. I apologize if anything I’ve said made you uncomfortable. The person I was a decade ago is not the person I am today, I hope you all know that. Thank you so much for your support and love. Especially you, Mommy. <3

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Today is my ‘day off’, which means I only work a small shift at my second job. In celebration of this rarity I have chosen to lounge on the sofa under a furry blanket, black coffee in hand, Beethoven on the stereo, and fluffy kitty purring next to me. The setting through my balcony doors is a typical fall day, gray skies and colored leaves. I typically spend mornings like this at the gym, but today I decided to embrace a little R and R. To enjoy the season. 
It’s fall. I love fall. I love leaves. I love chilly winds. I love candles. I love harvest produce. I love cinnamon, and hot drinks, and crockpot dinners, and snuggling, and hoodies, scarves….costumes. You know it and I know it, this is the most magical time of the year. 
It is also the time of year for pumpkin EVERYTHING, and sadly, those of us trying to lead a healthy lifestyle can’t be too careful about our pumpkin needs. Yes, they are NEEDS. We start to see colorful displays at the grocery stores, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bread, pumpkin blah blah blah. 
The good news is that we too have options. Lots of them. Pumpkins are seriously good for us, and with some creativity, no one needs to miss out on this incredible season. 
Here is a recipe I recently perfected for an easy and very healthy Pumpkin Cheesecake. Enjoy! 
1 ½-2 cups pumpkin puree [your choice, I used a whole can but everyone has a different preference, also homemade puree has a sweeter flavor]
½ cup soy flour, or vanilla protein powder
½ cup unsweetened almond milk, or other nut milk
½ packet of unflavored gelatin [optional, this will only affect consistency]
*Starting with the cottage cheese, pulse ingredients in a blender or food processor until whipped and smooth. It is best to add ingredients one at a time as the mixture will thicken and become difficult to blend. A tip, add the pumpkin LAST and stir with a whisk if need be. Blend on high until slightly foamy and fluffy.
*Pour into an ungreased pie plate. Sprinkle ½ cup coconut sugar over the top and bake for 60 minutes. An option is to also drizzle agave nectar on the top of the coconut sugar for a decorative effect. 
*Allow to cool for several hours in the fridge before serving with pure maple syrup drizzled over top. 
This is a seriously easy dessert to make while juggling a busy schedule. Between my work and fitness schedule, I was able to make two, yes TWO of these bad boys this past week. It has been awesome to be able to indulge in the best flavors of fall with such little effort. 
I can’t wait to experiment with more fun fall recipes! <3 
P.s: As of last week’s weigh in I have lost 13 lbs since the beginning of the contest three weeks ago. I think I lost even more since then! Thanks for all of your support! 
People ask me all the time what my workout is, how I lost so much weight. My workout is pretty straightforward: I work out. Sometimes it’s cardio [it’s mostly cardio], sometimes it’s weights, etc. Just whatever I feel like doing. 
The real task was overcoming my food addictions, training myself to eat the right way. I won’t lie, I can still slam a chili dog. The point is that I don’t do it every day. 
I learned about calories, non fiber carbs, a high protein diet. All of that. I taught myself to read labels, watch my sodium and sugar intakes. To think “are the 150 calories and shit ton mg’s of sugar in this bottle of juice really necessary when I can drink 0 calories in a bigger bottle of water with some sliced lemons or cucumbers?”. Or better yet, “Do I want 1000 calories of a mcdonalds cheeseburger and medium french fry, or 300-400 calories in this kickass feta, ham and arugula and whole wheat flatbread wrap?”. 
It’s all about choices. I’m not strict about it, just AWARE. If you are aware of what you are eating, and you exercise relatively regularly, you will lose weight. I know this, because I did. 
This post is not so much about calorie education, that’s what google is for. Research a proper diet, and choose a routine that works for you. I love to cook, so finding food substitutions was easy for me. The real problem was regulating it. Being a hairdresser, and also working retail, I have a real problem with ‘forgetting’ to eat all day, and then slamming down 2000 calories in one sitting. That shit ain’t gonna cut it when you wanna get that booty firmed up. I pre-plan my meals, I get creative with the crockpot, I AVOID most breads, rice, pastas, salts, and sugars. I over-use the hot sauce on basically everything I eat. Franks Red Hot Sauce goes on everything. 
Here is one day’s worth of food, an example of what I eat. 
2 Slices Uncured Turkey Bacon, crispy
1 Organic Egg, Scrambled, with chopped veggies from the night before [In the pic, I used Onions and Yellow Bell Peppers]
*At breakfast, I try to go heavy on the protein, because I need the energy to deal with people. I mean, yeah. I need energy. So do you. 
small spoonful of light italian dressing
*I’m lazy about lunch. I always have to make it the night before so I am sure to have something substantial to keep me going. Otherwise I forget to grab something when I leave, and then I end up at the bread store next to my salon getting free samples of cinnamon bread. NO. BAD. BREAD IS BAD. 
I didn’t take any pics of my snacks, because they are boring. Usually it’s a slice of 2% milk american cheese, or a banana, or another yogurt. Just…something. I usually need 100-200 extra calories somewhere in the afternoon or I start to crash really bad, and I can’t have that when I work two jobs. The more calories you consume, the more you have to burn off. Just make sure you are burning off what you bring in. I hear gals all the time talking about limiting themselves to 1000 calories a day. That just sounds miserable. I don’t see how you can function on no fuel. I stick to 1200-1400 calories, because I am always on my feet. I NEED that energy. 
Ground Turkey and Red Quinoa Crockpot Chili
1 can organic beans, rinsed [I used black]
1 organic tomato, chopped [I like mine chunky, so I used big slices]
1 lb organic ground turkey, browned
……..AND…..UH……FRANKS RED HOT SAUCE. 
Dump all of this into a crockpot. 6-8 hours on low, 4-5 hours on high. 
I ate mine with a whole wheat pita quarter [NOT a whole pita]. 
I’m always so goddamned burned out at the end of the day. I love pizza, I love cheese, I love bread and meat. When I get home…if I don’t have dinn
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