Christopher Walken Has Never Owned a Cellphone

Christopher Walken recently revealed he has never owned a cellphone, baffling fans who assumed he lived off cryptic text messages and emojis. �If you want to reach me, knock on my door,� he told reporters, before wandering into a diner like a man from another century. Eyewitnesses claim he ordered coffee and paid with exact change, stunning millennials at the counter. Anonymous staffers in Hollywood confirm Walken communicates exclusively via fax and handwritten notes. A fake poll showed 47% of Americans admire his commitment, 36% think he�s lying, and 17% want to hire him as a life coach. Economists argue his refusal has cost telecom billions in potential sponsorships. For now, Walken remains the only man in America who hasn�t butt-dialed anyone�an achievement greater than his Oscars. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com