Christian Wife Submissive
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Christian Wife Submissive
Christian Wife Says Biblical 'Submission' Is Beautiful
By Hayley Olson , Christian Post Reporter
© 2022 The Christian Post, INC . All Rights Reserved.
The term "submission" usually provokes a strong emotive response with some linking it to such negative words as "inferior," "door mat," or "controlled." But Christian counselor Christina Fox insists that biblical submission does not imply any of the above and is in fact "beautiful."
Fox, who has been married 17 years, did not initially come to that conclusion. For a long time, the term "submission" denoted fear. But after a long journey, Fox has come to associate the biblical command with "beauty and grace," as she writes in a newly released ebook, Good: The Joy of Christian Manhood and Womanhood .
Fox, who is among 14 writers who contributed to the ebook Good , published by Desiring God ministry and endorsed by theologian John Piper, goes on the state what submission is and what it isn't.
"Submission," she says, "is not about forced control."
"When a man leads his wife, he is leading her to depend on Christ, not on himself," she explains. "The kind of leadership a husband provides his wife is to encourage her growth in grace and prepare her to be a co-heir in the coming kingdom."
Also, submission is not about belittlement, inferiority or worthlessness, she adds.
"Scripture teaches that we are to 'encourage one another and build each other up' ( 1 Thessalonians 5:11 )."
Fox borrows Piper's definition to describe what submission is – "the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. It's the disposition to follow a husband's authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership."
To illustrate this further, Fox points to the apostle Paul who shows that the purpose of marriage is to reflect the Gospel.
"A husband's call to lead and a wife's call to submit is a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church," the Florida mother of two writes. "The unique roles that men and women have in marriage serve as a living message of the gospel."
She continues, "As a wife yields to her husband's leadership in their marriage, she reflects the heart of faith that characterizes Jesus's people. The church follows Jesus as her head and uses her gifts to carry out his mission in this world. Likewise, the wife respects and yields to her husband's leadership as she uses her gifts to complement his good purposes for their marriage and family."
The only way for biblical submission to play out correctly is when the married couple relies on the gospel, Fox says.
"It is only through the power of Jesus and his gospel at work in our lives that the beauty of submission can blossom in our marriages," she writes.
The ebook was released by Desiring God ministry and the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Some of the other topics addressed include "Being a Man and Acting Like One," "The Nature of a Woman's Nurture," "Training Our Kids in a Transgender World," "My Recovery From Feminism" and "Purity We Can Count On."
Other contributors include Owen Strachan, president of CBMW; Jonathan Parnell, writer and content strategist at desiringGod.org; and Denny Burk, associate professor of Biblical Studies and Ethics at Boyce College, among others.
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1. “When the man takes charge and makes really good, well-thought-out (and prayed for) decisions, it’s pretty easy for wives to submit. Why not? He’s made the right call. All you have to do is go along with it.” — Kirsten, indebtedmom.com
2. “The best part of domestic discipline is what has happened emotionally between this long-time married couple. This new way has made us loving, more loving than ever before. Our marriage is energized. We are touching, hugging, playfully spanking, and making more love than ever before. Why? Because my Jack is taking the lead. He is the boss. It feels right and the way it should be.…It has made a difference in our lives in a big way.” — Meredith, learningdd.com
3. “The definition I’m using with the word ‘submissive’ is the biblical definition of that. So, it is meekness, it is not weakness. It is strength under control, it is bridled strength….First Peter 3:1 says, ‘In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.’…It is very difficult to have two heads of authority….It doesn’t work in the military, it doesn’t work — I mean, you have one president, you know what I’m saying?” — Candace, huffingtonpost.com
4. “Well I finally got my first Spanking! Thanks to a suggestion and my loving HOH’s (head of household’s) permission it was a ‘test’ spank. I think he probably smacked my bottom about 10 times (bare bottom, OTK, with his hand). AND GUESS WHAT?? I WASN’T SCARED!!!! Now I have a renewed confidence in our decision to live a CDD (Christian Domestic Discipline) lifestyle….Hubby also informed me that we are going to be working on a habit I have that he can’t stand. He is giving me enough leeway so I am not really stressed about it, and since our ‘test’ spank, I know what I’m in for if I fail. That alone gives me a strong desire to please him….What I am trying to say is MEN…If you lead she WILL follow, and she will be content in doing so.” — Anonymous, christiandomesticdiscipline.com
5. “We have no “set rules” so to speak. I know his preferences for what needs to be done & when he says “end of discussion,” that is it. Certain things like really bad attitude, yelling at anyone in the house, throwing a fit when mad, or being disrespectful (especially in front of others) will all add up to a bad whippin after a while. There is no, “Well you missed a load of laundry,” or “The dishes are dirty” type spanks in our home. There might be an “Ok, you know I want these things done and all week you have slacked off, you have until tomorrow (or tonight or whatever) and I will remind you if I have to,” but he has never had to. If I am given a warning I usually get it done.” — Kali, christiandomesticdiscipline.net
6. “Oh boy, here we go. I can remember being a little girl (probably middle school age) and hearing someone tell me the Scripture in Ephesians that calls women to submit to their husbands. My reaction then was much like most women and like the world’s view of submission. I remember saying “There is NO WAY I’m going to be some man’s slave and stay at home and cook and clean for him!” It was not until I sat through a Bible study on the book of Ephesians that I truly understood submission. Submission is not meant for bad…it’s meant to give us more freedom actually….” — Danielle, butlerpartyof3.com
7. “I’ve been exploring submission for some time, and the one thing that I have discovered above anything else is the fact that wifely submission brings harmony to a home. There is no longer a power struggle between two people who both want to be “in charge.” It is a confession of our dependence on one another and an acceptance of our natural roles….Do you submit to the wishes of your boss? If you are given instructions, do you follow them? If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have your job for very long, would you?! My husband is simply the “boss” of my home.” — Becki, everydaymiracles.hubpages.com
8. “As a strong-willed person, I see submission as a form of feminine chivalry. So when I serve my husband it’s not out of weakness, but out of strength. Just as our Lord washed the feet of His disciples, it wasn’t to show that He was beneath them, but to show that real leadership serves.” — Regina, christianforums.net
9. “There is a beautiful surrender that comes with allowing myself to be vulnerable and submissive. When I was a little girl, I was a quiet little sweetheart who was pleasing to be around. My bad experiences hardened me and now my marriage is helping me relax my rigid boundaries….I always said that I would never leave the city and here I am willingly becoming a country housewife.” — Mrs. Submission, christianforums.net
10. “Yes, It’s true. I find joy in being a submissive wife. “Submissive” is not a four-letter word. It’s actually ten : )…Notice we are not commanded to love our husbands. We are commanded to submit to them. However, the husbands are commanded to love us….Bottom line—men would rather be respected than loved. Women would rather be loved than respected. It’s only by bringing the two together under complete subjection to Christ by both parties that the marriage will ever be complete.” — Anonymous, musingsofaministerswife.com
11. “I wish there wasn’t a knee-jerk reaction to the word “submissive” but unfortunately there is such a stigma. When you mention being a submissive wife, people’s minds tend to go in either one direction or the other. Either they think you are into some sort of kinky lifestyle or they think you are a mindless doormat. That’s why I always make sure I add “Biblical” in front so there’s no confusion. ;) I am neither kinky, nor a doormat. My husband and I would be considered rather boring by most people. He is very particular about how he runs his household, his likes and dislikes. He can even be a bit bossy at times. But he is a wonderful, loving husband and father, a great provider and well, being in charge just suits him. Not to mention I find it tremendously sexy and attractive. I’m a happy happy wife!” — Anonymous, experience project.com
12. “My husband is in seminary to be a music minister and I noticed that he doesn’t spank me like he used to. I don’t know what to do?!? I love him with or without discipline, but to be honest I really want it in my life. Does anyone have advice?” — Anonymous, christianddgroup.typepad.com
13.
“I am a submissive wife but do not always submit. For instance if my hubby is asking me to do something I believe isn’t in my best interests I simply refuse. Hubby seems to like anal sex. I do not and will not oblige him in his depravity. I may be submissive, but I’m no idiot doormat!” — Anonymous, experienceproject.com
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February 10, 2020 by Mary 57 Comments
Find out how to be a submissive wife and what the bible really says about biblical submission. Plus, learn 5 easy ways to submit to your husband and shower him with love every day!
We argued before bed, and I tossed and turned.
Tired of his tools and clutter laying around, I aired my frustrations in no uncertain terms. I loudly spoke my truth, and there was no stopping me.
“ Why do I feel so terrible now? ” Deep down, I knew I could have shown more grace and kindness.
The next day, while browsing a list of topics to write about, I came across the term “submissive wife.” Ouch.
It’s intimidating for me to write on the topic of becoming a submissive wife, because it doesn’t come naturally.
Why? Because I can be extremely stubborn when I think I know what is best.
(Maybe you struggle with this, too?)
We love, respect, and trust our husbands. But, we also have a side that thinks we know best – and we want to do things our way.
So, what should those of us do who are submissively-challenged as wives? How can we learn to submit to our husbands?
To begin, we need to learn what true biblical submission really is.
Special Note : Most importantly, make sure your life is submitted to God first. If you want to make sure you are a child of God (a Christian, ready for heaven), read our post How to Be Saved According to the Bible. There are lots of misguided teachings surrounding this topic!
Even though I am far from a picture-perfect example of submission, this study is beneficial for me and I hope it encourages you, too.
First, does the bible say wives should submit to their husbands?
We often answer this question from the knee as it lunges forward in a Kung Fu-style reaction, kicking the male chauvinism back with a resounding NO!
But, we cannot escape the fact that the Bible clearly teaches submission to husbands in Ephesians 5.
No matter how you feel about the topic, lay aside any bias at the altar of trust in God and see what the Bible says about wives submitting to their husbands.
When taken in context (Ephesians 5:22-33), you will come away recognizing there is providential balance and mutual respect in the Biblical marriage relationship.
Let’s begin with verse 22: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
And what is the original definition of the word ‘submit’ here? (I got my Greek-scholar husband to help me with this one… here’s our hilarious text volley from that day –
Ok, now that we have that out of the way… back to the Greek word ‘submit.’
ὑποτάσσω – to place yourself under, to cause to be in a submissive relationship, of submission, involving recognition of an ordered structure, of the entity to whom appropriate respect is shown.
This Greek word “submit” is actually a combination of two words, one word meaning “a position under” and another word meaning “arrange or put in place.”
So we see that true biblical submission is an active role that we choose to take on as wives, to recognize the authority God has set up and to be subject to it. It is not brought about by some chauvinistic man holding a woman under his thumb.
Instead, it takes a spiritually strong woman who realizes the importance of the God-given role of submission. And, a realization that if Jesus himself submitted to the Father’s will out of love, we, too, can submit to our husbands.
A true understanding of the final phrase “as to the Lord” can only be found in Ephesians chapters 1-5:21. The audience who received these instructions were Christians.
The male and female members of the Church in Ephesus had already submitted to the Lord and to each other (Ephesians 5:21).
They found their spiritual forgiveness and blessings in Christ (1:7), their faith and responsibility (2:8-10), God’s wisdom revealed in the Church (3:8-12), their supreme unity (4:1-6) and their Christian path paved in love (5:1-21).
It is in this context that ideally, husband and wife have both already submitted to the Lord. Let’s continue to verses 23-24:
“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
Jesus, the head of the Church, gave himself in death for the Church. Jesus was not selfish with this role, and neither can a husband be with his wife!
I love how Drs. Cloud and Townsend put it in the well-known book Boundaries:
Whenever submission issues are raised, the first question that needs to be asked is, What is the nature of the marital relationship? Is the husband’s relationship with his wife similar to Christ’s relationship with the church? Does she have free choice, or is she a slave “under the law”?
So, the healthy context for biblical submission happens when both husband and wife are under the headship of Christ. God gives husbands a responsibility toward their wives, and we as wives have an equally great responsibility toward our husbands.
Peter handles this exact concept in 1 Peter 3:1-2:
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
One way to think of this is “My husband isn’t a Christian… yet .” This must be your daily prayer for him.
It’s possible to submit to a non-Christian husband, as stated in this passage. But, the caveat is that he must know you are submitting to Christ, first and foremost.
Now that we know what it really means to submit according to God’s plan, we must understand how being a submissive wife truly blesses us!
When God told you to submit to your husband, did you know He actually did so for your own good?
Here’s why submitting to your husband is a blessing:
When we control things ourselves, it may give us a temporary sense of satisfaction. But allowing my husband to lead actually takes a lot of the pressure off me in day-to-day life.
I have enough to worry about with caring for children and completing my other tasks, it is actually a relief to allow my husband to lead and not feel like I have to control every little thing!
When God gives us life instructions, it is always for our own good/benefit. According to His design, He knows that living in a state of submission to a loving husband will contribute to your highest state of happiness in marriage.
At the end of Ephesians 5, children are instructed to obey their parents in the Lord. One of the best ways for them to learn this is by observing a devoted mother who submits to her husband, and their father who submits to the heavenly Father.
Your willingness to submit to your children’s earthly father is a real-life model to your kids for how they can submit to the heavenly Father. What a joy!
Not only does a submissive wife bless the entire family unit, it makes her happier, too, knowing she is a vital part of God’s plan.
When we display a spirit of submission to our husbands in every way we can, this is sure to lead to a calmer and more contented marriage.
This, in turn, increases happiness in relationships and makes infidelity/divorce a lot less likely to occur.
When you show your husband how much you are trying to respect his role as leader of your family, chances are that he will be thrilled and shower you with his love and affection in return.
It’s the snowball effect: you start with a small act of kindness, your husband notices and does something kind for you, and the snowball continues to get bigger!
You may be thinking, “That’s great, Mary. But how do I become a submissive wife? Especially when I’m not in the habit?”
Thankfully, there are a lots of small things we can do that all add up to showing a spirit of submission.
Here are some simple ways we can all show more submission to our husbands, regardless of how easy or challenging it may seem.
Did you know that ‘helper’ is your God-given job description? This means you are divinely-appointed for the task!
Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
In what ways are you uniquely suited to help your husband?
Take a moment to brainstorm. Think about the talents you possess and how you might best use them to bless your husband:
Are you super organized? Make your living space beautiful and help your husband organize his sched
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