Christian Teen And Dating

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Kelli Mahoney is a Christian youth worker and writer. She previously worked as an administrator for NXT, a high school Christian youth group.
Many parents set rules for their Christian teens about dating. While setting rules is a good idea, it is important for parents to think through the rules that they do set. Parents need to know why they are setting the rules, and they also need to discuss the rules openly with their children. Here are some of the most common dating rules and how they can be used most effectively to guide teens through the world of dating:
Pros: You can set an age where most teens have a good maturity level and are able to think independently.
Cons: Not all teens mature at the same rate, so even though your teen comes to that age, he or she may still not be able to handle it.
The Solution: Try using that age as a "review" age. Tell your teen that you will talk about dating when he or she is ____ years old. Then you can sit down and have a conversation to see if your teen is ready.
Pros: The Bible says Christians should be yoked to fellow believers. If a teen is dating another Christian, there is a greater likelihood that they will remain abstinent and supportive of one another.
Cons: Some people say they are Christians, but they are not necessarily Godly in their actions. Setting this rule alone can breed lying and inappropriate activities.
The Solution: You can set the rule, but also leave it open for your approval. Make sure you meet the dating partner. Don't grill him or her about their faith, but get to know him or her to evaluate whether or not you think this teen shares your child's values.
Pros: Dating that occurs in public places prevents temptation from getting the better of teenagers. They are always being watched by other people.
Cons: Just saying that the dating has to occur in public places does not necessarily ensure that the people around your Christian teen will hold him or her accountable. Also, teens sometimes don't stay in one place for an entire date.
The Solution: There are several solutions to this issue. You can try driving your teen to and from the place where the date will happen. You can also require that your teen goes on dates where other Christians will be present.
Pros: Going on a date with another couple helps hold your teen responsible and resist temptation. Christian teens face a lot of the same temptations as other young people, so having friends there can be helpful.
Cons: The other couple may not share the same values as your Christian teen. They may encourage inappropriate activity or leave early.
The Solution: Encourage your teen to call you if the other couple leaves or does anything that compromises your teen's situation. Also, try to meet the other couples so that you can feel more comfortable about your teen associating with him or her.
Pros: Letting your teen know that you expect purity is important to tell your teen. Your direct statement will be in the back of their head, even if they seem to scoff at your statement.
Cons: Demanding that your child waits until marriage to have sex without explaining why may backfire. Using a punishment approach (the infamous, "If you have sex, you will go to Hell" approach) may only make your teen more curious.
The Solution: Spend some time discussing sex with your teen so that he or she understands why God wants teens to wait until marriage. Having a clear understanding of why they should wait can help teens make better decisions.
Pros: Telling your teen to be careful when holding hands, kissing, or touching can help him or her avoid situations that can end up going too far. It also helps teens identify early when a situation is becoming dangerous.
Cons: Just making the blanket demand can make it easy for teens to rebel or go too far without understanding. Teens may also not understand what to do when they end up in a tempting situation.
The Solution: Discuss temptation openly with your teen. You don't have to divulge all of your temptations, but explain how temptation is normal and everybody faces it. Also, go over ways to avoid temptation, but also ways to cope when faced with it. Be sure to include what "too far" means and how to be safe from things like date rape when in tempting situations.
While all of these rules are appropriate, it will be easier for your teen to follow your rules if they understand where the rules come from. Don't just cite Scripture -- explain how it applies. If you feel uncomfortable doing it on your own, bring in another parent, youth worker, or youth pastor to help.
Mahoney, Kelli. "Common Dating Rules Parents Set for Christian Teens." Learn Religions, Feb. 8, 2021, learnreligions.com/dating-rules-parents-set-for-christian-teens-712686. Mahoney, Kelli. (2021, February 8). Common Dating Rules Parents Set for Christian Teens. Retrieved from https://www.learnreligions.com/dating-rules-parents-set-for-christian-teens-712686 Mahoney, Kelli. "Common Dating Rules Parents Set for Christian Teens." Learn Religions. https://www.learnreligions.com/dating-rules-parents-set-for-christian-teens-712686 (accessed July 9, 2021).
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Take an in-depth look at how Christian teenagers should approach sex, romance, dating and marriage.
Dating and sex are some of the most common issues that Christian teenagers want to discuss with their youth leaders.
If you’re a Christian teen, odds are you’ve wondered how dating and sex fit into God’s plan for your life - which is great! It's so important that we wrestle with topics like this, and make sure that we're honouring God with our whole lives.
In this Christian Teen’s Guide to Dating and Sex, we’re going to take a look at what the Bible says about dating and sex, and answer a few of the most common questions about this topic that we've received here on Fervr.
As Christians, we turn the Bible as our primary source of wisdom for how we live, so let’s begin by taking a look at what the Bible says about this dating and sex.
I’ve got some bad news, unfortunately… the Bible says nothing about dating!
In Biblical times, both the Old and New Testament, the vast majority of marriages were arranged by the families of the couple. They didn’t get much of a say in who they married, and there was certainly no dating period in which couples “tried out” the relationship.
That doesn’t mean all Christians should have arranged marriages today. Instead, when we want to think about dating in our modern context, we have to look at what is timeless in the Bible – most importantly, we have to look at what the Bible says about marriage.
In the Bible, marriage is the first human relationship that God creates. After he makes Adam and Eve, they become the first married couple – committed to one another before God.
Even after the fall, marriage remains a key part of God’s plans for humanity. It is still his intention that men and women come together in exclusive relationships, for the purposes of loving each other and growing together in godliness – and to make more people!
Plus, since Jesus, marriage has had another special purpose: representing the relationship between Jesus and the church. Ephesians 5:25-27 explains:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Married couples have a special responsibility: to represent this sacrificial relationship to the world. It’s a great joy but also means we need to take marriage very seriously!
The Bible is very clear about sex: it is for husbands and wives in the security and privacy of marriage.
Inside marriage, sex is a beautiful, bonding activity that connects a couple deeply and can lead to the conception of children. Sex inside marriage is meant to be enjoyable and loving.
Sexual activity outside of this God-ordained marriage is sinful, and the Bible warns strongly about sexual immorality throughout the Old and New Testament. Check out 1 Corinthians 6:13, 1 Corinthians 6:18  Galatians 5:19, Ephesians 5:3, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 for just a few references.
Because marriage, according to God, is between a man and a woman, that means that sexual activity between same-sex partners is also not ok in God’s eyes, even if they are married in the eyes of the law of a state or country.
Now that we’ve taken a look at what the Bible has to say about dating, marriage and sex, let’s address some of the questions that you might be wondering about, as you seek to follow God in this area.
Since there’s no dating in the Bible, there are no guidelines that tell us exactly what dating is for. But wise Christians have figured out over the past few centuries that dating (or courting or going out or whatever you call it!) should be used for one main thing: to find someone to marry!
Now that we don’t have arranged marriages, dating is what we do instead to find a suitable person to marry. Keeping this end goal in mind is important, because if you’re dating someone you can’t see yourself marrying, you need to ask why you're in that relationship.
Christians don’t just date for fun, or to have someone to hang out with on a Saturday night. We date for a purpose.
Since dating for Christians should look towards finding someone to marry, it makes sense that you shouldn’t date a non-Christian.
2 Corinthians 6:14 says it clearly: "Do not be yoked [joined] together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
There are obviously other important things to consider when picking someone to date, including how old they are, your common interests, and of course whether they are nice to you! But if you want to marry a Christian, date a Christian.
If you date a non-Christian, consider what will happen:
Even if you’re young, dating is still preparing for marriage. It's just not wise to date a non-Christian! You can read more about this in this article.
Since dating is preparing for marriage, some people think it makes some sense to save dating until you’re old enough to get married.
His four main reasons to save dating for after high school are:
All that being said… there is definitely no rule around this area. Your church might teach something different, and that’s ok! Since dating isn’t in the Bible, different Christians are going to have different ideas around issues like this one.
If you do choose to start dating a long time before you get married, be aware of the challenges you may face.
The younger you are, the more casual you should keep your relationship. Save serious talks about the future for when you’re older, hang out with friends and family more than alone, and think seriously about your physical boundaries.
Speaking of physical boundaries… this is the biggest question Christian teens seem to have around dating!
But it’s actually the wrong question to be asking. 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to “flee from sexual immorality”.
Asking how far you can go with your boyfriend or girlfriend is like playing a game of soccer, and trying to see how close to your own goal you can get the ball. It’s just not what you’re supposed to do – you should try to keep the ball as far away as possible. In the same way, you should try to stay as far away from doing something wrong sexually when you are dating.
That will mean setting some boundaries with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You might consider boundaries like the following:
If you’re serious about your sexual purity, you might like to ask a trusted adult to keep you accountable. If your parents are Christians, you could even ask them. Nothing helps avoid a sexual mistake like a parent who insists on keeping your bedroom door open.
Don’t forget – while physical boundaries are important, emotional boundaries are also significant. Guard your heart as well as your body, taking things slowly. Make sure you maintain your friendships, so you have another person to talk to other than just your boyfriend or girlfriend! You can find out more about this idea in this article.
 If you’re considering dating, or just want to think more deeply about this topic, here are some questions to help you:
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