Chinese Wife
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Chinese Wife
How typical is this Chinese wife behaviour?
How typical is this Chinese wife behaviour?
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So, if you marry a Chinese girl - are these things NOT normal for Chinese wife visiting Western Country?
she had a baby but expected her western mother in law to give up work and care for the child? (Western mother in law could not afford to give up work) and Chinese wife was supposed to not be working as no work permit.
She expected to be waited on and treated like a princess but found fault with everything that was done for her?
She expected husband to give her all his wages and sulked when he did not earn so much
she expected Western in laws to buy a house for them even though inlaws were in rented accomodation themselves due to low income.
she expected Western mother in law to buy all clothes and shoes for the child. In short, she made impossible demands.
because she did not "get her way" on any of the above, she walked out and flew back to China with the child- preventing father and all his side of the family from having contact. Child is now left with wifes (doddery) grandparents (who need looking after themselves) while she is career girl...
I just want to understand whether any of this is normal Chinese wife behaviour?
My wife stayed at home with our baby until she was 2.5 years old and we paid for everything you mentioned. Although we did obviously get some gifts along the way. My parents visited 3-4 days a month (they live 8 hours away) and her mom visited for 3 months a year. We went to China once a year. approximately.
I don't think what you mention is totally unusual in Chinese couples, but what is unusual is her inability to realize that this may not fly with a foreign husband. She really needs to compromise.
Thats good! My wife won't stay home, she went to work when baby was 6 weeks old even though there was no need. We were living with her parents at the time and had no money worries, did not realise it would all come crashing down because of the visa. She really could not accept my parents. They did a lot for us but could not afford to buy us a house. She seemed to think she was entitled to them buying her one but it caused a rift because they were not able to and she did not believe them.
This sounds a bit over the top but within a range of normal behaviors with a Chinese characteristic - this is not meant to be a joke.
This is hardly Chinese characteristic. Sounds more like spoiled, entitled, gold digger behavior that could be from any country or race.
I know, I meant to put it in the advice category but I made a mistake.
I dont have the money to go the legal route
Chinese culture has a lot of really terrible baggage that is hard to accept for westerners. Chinese people don’t have human rights, let alone women’s rights, so a lot of issues start from there. Women are treated unfairly so there is kind of an unspoken expectation that since women are forced to accept being treated as secondary citizens, they are to be taken care of financially by their partner. There is also a serious problem of ageism in Asian society so women have a time limit to finding a partner. This creates a level of distrust between men and women. Women are afraid of being used/getting their time wasted and then discarded, while men are afraid of being sucked dry financially. somewhat related - I was at a chinese restaurant the other day and the bathrooms signs for men and women were “husbands” and “snakes”, implying women are opportunists/gold diggers. Chinese public opinion deems it commonplace to see these kinds of relationships, and it is normal for women to face being slighted like this here and there in everyday situations.
The generation born during china's one child policy has caused a shift in women’s social standing though. the imbalanced ratio of men to women means that women can afford to be picky and this unfortunately has created some women who feel justified in using selfish, entitled standards when seeking relationships. women feel they finally have the upper hand and want to take full advantage. Men know it’s harder to find a relationship so it’s not uncommon for them to be expected to be able to buy a home to prove commitment if they seriously wish to settle down with a woman.
Asian culture believes in showing love and affection thru action rather than words - especially by being financially supportive. so a lot of our customs involve things like giving money to children in red envelopes on holidays, gifting money to newlyweds rather than gifts, crowdsourcing family funds to help a family member start a business, etc. it’s very typical for couples and in-laws to live together and support each other so that couples work to provide for the whole family while the elderly provide childcare. It’s sort of the only way to survive in China bc unless you have official connections to power your best chance to make money is to start up your own business. China has tons of small business entrepreneurs, all the business opportunities are in the city though so couples go work in the city, leave the kids with grandparents and then send money back home. Grandparents are usually the main caregivers until the kids are toddlers.
You can’t say all women are terrible in china but it certainly doesn’t help that all these societal issues are breeding different problems that are passed on and effecting the outcomes of each generation
Honestly the CCP has created all these heinous situations which impede its people from living a stable life. it’s a bad cycle of Chinese citizens being oppressed but unable to stand up to it so they have to resort to acting out with underhanded behavior instead
She did not need to work. To get the visa she had agreed NOT to work. Yet she would rather work than care for our child.
My parents did give red envelopes nd bought clothes, toys and baby stuff even though they are Western and really tried to accomodate her ways. But, they are young grandparents and in no way able or ready to retire. My Mom felt conned that my wife refused to look after the baby when she was here and tried to force her into giving up work, but she stuck to her original intention to carry on working. It caused a lot of trouble that my wife refused to care for our child and preferred to work (illegally) and my mother worked out of necessity so I ended up picking up her slack. I needed a job to fulfil the spouse visa application requirements and my wife was disgusted that I had to take quite a low paid job. She then went neglected our child while working illegally for a few months and returned to China with the baby. I should have done more, in hindsight.
Hi yes. Don’t marry them do what Jay Z said Love, Fuck, and leave them cause you don’t fucking need them.
what if you already did and they already ran off with your child?
Unfortunately, most Chinese women tick a few of these boxes. In your situation, it has gone way beyond what can be easily solved. Once she's back in China with the kid, you're screwed as a foreigner. The bad news is that you're probably going to have to grovel and accept her bullshit until your kid is at college, and then you can dump the wife. At least when the kid is an adult, it can't be used as a weapon. Spend the time in between trying to hide as many of your assets as you can.
I bet a lot of people reading this will see that behavior as familiar. I used to accept my wife's bullshit but i'm becoming very intolerant of it. I find that these women think they can get away with it when you're both in China and you are a foreign national, but would be less willing to do this overseas where, if you kick her out of the house and block her from using your credit card, she'll have nowhere to go. The moment i got sick of her behavior is the moment i decided we're leaving China (she doesn't work anymore). I'm taking her out of the country with the kid, refusing to speak to her in Chinese (so she can't dominate every argument) if she starts acting like a cunt, and refusing to give her money every month if her sajiao bullshit goes too far.
Divorce isn't an option for many of us once you have a kid because, as the OP stated, if she goes back to China with the kid, you'll probably never see the kid again. So to deal with a cunt, you've got to be a cunt.
So you are going to be miserable with such a woman for 18 years until your kid goes to uni? That is god damn miserable. Be careful of who you guys get a child with, god damn...
Is any of that normal? Some of it is for certain types of Chinese. None of it should come as a surprise to someone that was in a relationship with someone that was serious enough to turn into marriage (let alone making a baby). I mean, you surely knew all about this person before you chose to marry them. Like all stories this one has another side to it and it wouldn't surprise me if it factored into how this all played out.
I didn't know her that well, we married because she was pregnant and she said she couldn't get a hukou otherwise.
How do you end up marrying someone you dont know? This is your own dumb fault.
She got pregnant. Her family pressured me.
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