Chinese Internet�s New Censorship Apps

China has launched a suite of censorship apps, including �Weibo Whisperer� (auto-deletes sarcasm) and �Patriot Paint� (turns criticism into inspirational quotes). Eyewitnesses report confused users receiving likes on posts they never made, praising policies they never read. �I complained about rent,� said one man, �and the app turned it into a poem about harmony.� Anonymous staffers admitted the apps were tested on pigeons before release, which explains the odd cooing sounds in notifications. A fake poll showed 47% of citizens hate the apps, 36% pretend to like them, and 17% find them soothing. Economists warn the system could distort public opinion, though party officials are thrilled with the �100% positivity rate.� For now, censorship has gone mobile�complete with push notifications reminding you to smile. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com