Chinese Girl Love

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Chinese Girl Love

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CHARLOTTE EDWARDS-ZHANG | JUNE 17, 2015

We've all heard, read and seen numerous stereotypes about Chinese women who date Western men. Here are some of the more common ones I've heard: 


I reached out to half a dozen Chinese women, all with Western boyfriends and husbands, to find out more on their feelings towards their relationships as well as the challenges that come with it.


This is nowhere near a comprehensive study, but I enjoyed hearing what they had to say about their Western partners including the joys and challenges of the relationship. 


Here are some reasons why Chinese women are attracted to Western men: 


Almost all of the women I talked with said that they love that their men enjoy life. They won't want someone who lives just to climb the career ladder and spend all their waking hours working on business projects.


That kind of quality, one of my interviewees said, is typical of Chinese men who care a lot about having a stable job, a home and being able to afford luxury brands.


She also said, of the Western men that she's dated, that they have a wider view of life.


Perhaps it was the result of a different type of education, more open minded parents or just the fact that they've ventured out of their home country.


The Western male, Chinese female relationship is quite common in major cities, and you'll also find that the couples aren't just young twenty-somethings.


A good deal of more mature women, even previously married ones, are dating foreign men because, with them, they have another chance at love. Following her divorce, Yang was 35 and caring for her 9-year-old daughter. Her Chinese friends told her that no Chinese guy would want to date her.


As she reevaluated her life and moved to a larger city, she found that Western guys didn't care that she was nearing "middle age" (most of China hasn't received the memo that 40 is the new 20) or that she had a child.


She dated a few guys from around the globe and says that she didn't have to hide the fact that she had a child and her now-fiancé, is a part of the girl's life. 


Having dated a couple of Chinese guys, Michelle ended up dating a foreigner. Her now-husband of eight years was the person she got along with and felt she could spend the rest of her life with.


She said that she didn't favor her husband over Chinese men because he was a foreigner, but because they shared similar interests and values.


Lea, another one of my interviewees, agreed. It wasn't so much the nationality but rather that she found his personality to be complimentary to hers.


Fiona feels that her values are more in line with Western ones than those of her previous Chinese boyfriend.


As a Christian, her faith is important to her which also means that marriage really does last "til death do us part."


She says that Chinese culture has become too accepting of divorce (perhaps because there's a huge push to get married quickly and people rush into marriage) and that finding a Western boyfriend that shared her faith allows her to feel secure with their relationship, knowing that they both have a high level of commitment. 


All of the women said that the guys they've dated are honest and someone they can really trust. 


Several also mentioned that they like the fact that they're dating a guy, not his whole family.


With Chinese guys, having a relationship with them means having a relationship with their parents. Parents get a huge amount of input in their relationships and even in their lives.


But there is one downside to not having parents heavily involved in your relationships: Western parents won't do all of the things Chinese parents do as a matter of course: Buy him a house or be your live-in nanny if you have kids.


One of my interviewees, who has children, said that she understood this cultural difference. But she also mentioned that her Western husband's parents are very helpful when they come to visit. 


Several women I talked to commented that their Western boyfriends and husbands drank ice water and ate ice cream in winter.


"It is very hard to convince him to believe warm water is better for your health after you eat a meal," they say. 


Another said that she wanted to observe the traditional postpartum zuò yuè zi (坐月子) , commonly called to as the "moon month," in which she stayed in bed for a full month to regain her strength and restore health after giving birth.


She said that it took a lot of communication to get her husband to understand her wishes. Once she explained the "why" behind the strange-to-Westerners practice, she had his full support.


This was more of a problem with the relationship. A few women said that Chinese men are more passive when it comes to disagreements and the typical way to handle them is to remain quiet and hope it goes away.


Foreign men, in their opinion, tend to want to talk it through and resolve the issue as soon as possible.


It takes time and experience to get used to resolving conflicts this way, they said. But they do believe that handling conflict headon is better than avoiding it. 


Given this information, if you're thinking of dating a Chinese woman you should do the following:


1) Be yourself: Not a single woman I talked to said that they were attracted to their boyfriend because he wasn't Asian, because he had a six-figure salary or could help them get a Green Card.


Sure, those women are out there, but the ones I talked to, all in long-term relationships, never brought up this issue.


They mentioned they had great chemistry with the guy, enjoyed his personality and shared common interests.


Interestingly, all but one still live and work in China.


2) Chinese women want to be open to learning new ideas: This is huge, especially with an inter-cultural relationship.


Expect your beliefs to be challenged, especially when it comes to medicine.


Communication will go a long way in understanding why your girlfriend would rather get a TCM (traditional Chinese medicine) treatment than take some pills from the pharmacy.


3) Be willing to compromise: There needs to be balance in the relationship, one woman said. Especially when kids are involved, you have to think of the future and what's best for the kids.


Compromise doesn't mean avoiding conflict, but communicating your feelings and listening to the other person to come up with a solution that works for both of you.


This goes both ways; she may let you drink your ice cold beer during the Super Bowl but you need to be okay with her drinking her homemade remedies when she's not feeling well. 


All of these go for both parties, of course, but when you're dating someone from another culture, specifically if you're in China and the woman doesn't have as much experience with other cultures, there will be a lot of learning and communication. 


As one friend of mine said, "cross cultural relationships can be like an awkward dance; you're both determined to succeed but there are some missteps along the way."


See how this compares to Western women dating Chinese men ! 


For those who really want to give an inter-cultural relationship a fair chance, the awkward times are totally worth it, and overshadowed by the great ones!


Tell me about it in the comments below! 



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John Simon loves to write about getting the best out of our day to day conversations, improving our mental wellbeing, and overall lifestyle. He also believes that healthy relationships breed a better society and has written a ton of articles and guides on building and maintaining a satisfying relationship and improving our lifestyle.
Are you a foreigner traveling or working in China, whose dating pool is now limited only to Chinese girls for a while?
Are you interested in a Chinese girl in your class, neighborhood, or place of work?
This article will help you understand the unique strategies for dating Chinese women .
Dating Chinese women does not have to be as complicated as algebra; you just need to have a good idea of the dos and don’ts .
The #1 Way To Get Them Into Bed WITHOUT Pickup Lines Or Tricks...
This might just be the winning piece that will seal your chances of getting a date with a Chinese girl.
Chinese girls who haven’t lived away from home are usually not open to foreigners .
So it’s natural for them to treat you with suspicion initially.
A good place to start is learning about Chinese cuisine.
Chinese women love to talk about their foods and how they are made.
On a lighter note, you may also develop a fast taste for tea as you may have to drink quite a lot of it to get into that Chinese woman’s heart.
Chinese women maintain close ties with their families.
It’s common to find unmarried Chinese ladies still living at home with their extended family.
So their family’s opinions of you are going to matter in the long run.
You can learn the traditional Chinese greetings for the elderly to endear the elder family members to you.
Respect is an important part of the Chinese culture and they will love you for this.
If you’re just looking for a loose fling, maybe you shouldn’t bother to embark on the move of dating a Chinese woman in the first place.
The fact that dating was not an original aspect of Chinese culture means the Chinese woman normally expects a dating relationship to progress to marriage .
So, she will be analyzing your suitability for that purpose.
This doesn’t mean there are no fun-loving Chinese women but just be upfront about your real intentions from the outset.
Keeping a good reputation is very important to the Chinese.
A Chinese woman who has been involved in a public scandal usually has a hard time in the community she lives so they try to avoid such scenarios as much as possible.
As a foreigner, you might get away with some shabby behaviors but if it will rub off on the Chinese woman you have your eyes on, she is likely going to avoid you .
A Chinese woman wants a man she can proudly show off to her friends and family.
You might be able to find many bilingual Chinese women in the mainland but they still love to converse mainly in their language.
You don’t have to be perfect in speaking Chinese as the effort alone would be pleasing to her .
She could even offer to teach you the language, providing a better opportunity for you to bond.
It’s common for foreign men to believe that women from oriental cultures such as the Chinese are naturally submissive and shy .
This is just a stereotype that the media spreads and is untrue in most cases.
You should ask engaging questions on your date.
Your questions should show a personal interest in her life, career, and family.
True love doesn’t cost a thing but the love language of every woman differs according to her backgrounds.
For Chinese women , they tend to connect a man’s generosity to the idea of him being responsible.
It doesn’t have to be expensive gifts.
You don’t have to break a bank to please her.
She would value even the smallest gifts if they reflect your thoughtfulness towards her.
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Now to the don’ts, there are many deal-breakers when it comes to dating Chinese women, but let’s focus on the major ones that could get you butted out the fastest.
A Chinese woman expects a man to pick up the bills while on a date. So you should not ask her to go Dutch with you.
She might just pay half of the bill, but she will never go on a second date with you.
Also, ensure you choose an affordable restaurant within your budget, and you can be open about what you can pay for.
As in every culture, some women have their eyes on clinching a rich guy, but many more are merely looking for genuine love .
If she truly likes you, what you can afford won’t matter to her.
No matter how liberal or free-minded you think you are, it would be hard for you and a Chinese woman to be on the same page when it comes to political matters.
Remember, she was brought up in a society where Communism has been the norm for years and she will most definitely find your democratic view on politics strange.
Avoid discussing politics with her by all means.
If she initiates a political discussion with you, stay on the safe side by allowing her to lead the conversation without asking any leading questions .
Japan is like a taboo word in China.
China and Japan have been age-long rivals.
So, you should not venture into such an area if you want to date a Chinese woman successfully .
You may think it’s a good idea to discuss why China is better than Japan.
The very mention of the word, Japan, is a bad trigger.
It’s normal for everyone to look for acceptance especially in long-term relationships but you will have to accept that you will always remain an outsider.
This doesn’t mean they have set out to be negative about you, it’s more about ingrained values.
It will always be Chinese first, followed by Europeans and other white-skin nationalities.
Only a few Chinese women will consider dating a black man.
The Chinese are very particular when it comes to hygiene and they won’t entertain you wearing your shoes into their home.
You should follow suit immediately your date removes her shoes upon entering her home.
It will cut out a funny scenario for the grandmother in the home to chase you out with a broom.
You may not be given a second chance to prove yourself worthy of their daughter.
An average Chinese woman is interested in getting married and raising a family.
She might not want more than one kid though, due to the previous popular government mandatory policy.
So you should be open to having kids in the long term.
Chinese women are not used to a public display of affection.
So, they might feel offended or embarrassed if you insist on doing it especially early on in your relationship.
Even something as simple as holding hands and a peck on the cheek may not be welcomed by her.
Just follow her lead and don’t press for PDA too hard .
Just like with PDA, many Chinese women don’t like to have casual sex . They will rather have sexual relations within a committed relationship.
You might find a Chinese woman open to having sex after a few dates.
Just make sure not to demand it in a crude way that makes her feel like a call girl.
If she desires you, she will give you clear signals.
You should not expect her to behave like every other Chinese woman you’ve met in the past.
Every woman has her distinct qualities and you should admire her for that.
Chinese women are independent and enterprising so you should be open to supporting her dreams and encouraging her to excel.
Chinese women tend to look younger than their age.
So, it’s common to see a Chinese lady in her 30s looking like a 20-year old.
You shouldn’t make comments to make her feel like an old cargo. Instead, focus on complimenting her for her beauty and fashion sense.
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Because Chinese women are quite different from women that live in western cultures, you need to stick to all the tips highlighted above to successfully date them.
If you ignore them, your moves will likely fail before you start.
Just like with dating anybody from a different culture, you should be open to new experiences .
Don’t place your preferences in a box.
You can casually date a few Chinese women before you make your final choice. You can get that Chinese woman of your dreams if you display enough confidence in yourself .
Get out there and make your pick already.

Sociotelligence is on a mission to ensure that every individual has a more positive social life and this can only be achieved when they have built productive, mutually beneficial, and effective working relationships with their loved ones.

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