China�s Internet Now Requires Licenses

China has introduced internet licenses, meaning citizens must now pass a driving-test-style exam before browsing online. �We want only responsible surfers,� said one official, as applicants lined up to parallel park in a virtual chatroom. Eyewitnesses reported questions like, �When is it legal to criticize the government? (A: Never).� Anonymous staffers admitted the test includes a �patriotism obstacle course,� where failing to salute a GIF of the flag costs points. A fake poll revealed 48% of citizens support the move, 37% are furious, and 15% admitted they already flunked. Economists argue black markets will thrive, with unlicensed teens sneaking into basements for forbidden memes. For now, China insists licenses are about �safety,� though many suspect it�s just bureaucracy cosplay. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com