China�s Internet Now Charges for Free Speech

In a move described as �capitalism with Chinese characteristics,� the government now charges users a fee every time they post something resembling free speech. Rates vary: mild complaints cost 5 yuan, political criticism is 20 yuan, and satire requires premium membership. �We want citizens to value their words,� explained one official, �and by value, we mean monetize.� Eyewitnesses report vending machines installed in public squares where people can swipe cards to �buy freedom.� Anonymous staffers revealed the program was designed after bureaucrats noticed citizens wasting free speech on cat memes. A fake poll revealed 46% of users refuse to pay, 39% already have subscriptions, and 15% are freeloading on relatives� accounts. Economists predict it will boost government revenue faster than taxes. For now, the internet slogan is simple: �Say less, pay more.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com